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TOEFL;In 20 yrs, fewer cars in use ? only when the substitutions are available


Auguste 4 / 11  
Oct 13, 2011   #1
In twenty years, there will be fewer cars in use than there are today.

Talking about cars, it is now still the main transportation in the world, but it does seem to decrease the use of it for the great environment damage it caused. On the other hand, on the way to decrease the use of cars always full of difficulties.

First, it is obvious that nearly everywhere on this planet are running cars, which cause serious traffic jam in some urban area. Though cars are useful, it become one of the top problems to human. People have thought a great number of solutions to solve this problem and have made progress in this issue. For example, the government in my city considers enlarging the size of public transportation to satisfy the people's daily demand. In this project, the government bought nearly 100 buses and redesigns the bus's routes. And this project really works. In the first month, the number of cars was decreased 5%. On the other hand, some NGO started a movement called "pick up your bicycle", it encouraged people ride their bike when go to work or school, and even short-distance travels. I also take part in this movement by riding bike to school. Sometimes volunteers may disguise as passerby and surprisingly give you a gift to reward you for participate in the movement.

However, cars are not easy to decrease in a short time for they are still the most convenient transportation to people. Throughout the history of transportation, thought cars are not the first transportation that human used, it's obvious that they are the most effective. Cars make people's life more convenient and comfortable. People use cars to carry contraction materials to built their house and make traveler easy to arrive places where they want. In the meantime, the fuels that cars used are easy to get for the technology are advanced, and since there are no substitutions for cars to make contribution to human, cars will not become fewer in the a short time.

To sum up, the number of cars is decrease only when the substitutions are available and public transportation are fully developed.

Hoping you can give me some advise to make this essay seems more local:)
OP Auguste 4 / 11  
Oct 16, 2011   #2
Thank you all! Appreciate your advice.
engstu - / 3  
Oct 18, 2011   #3
In twenty years, there will be fewer cars in use than there are today.

Talking about cars, it is now still the main transportation in the world, but it does seem to decrease the use of it for the great environment damage it caused. On the other hand, on the way to decrease the use of cars always full of difficulties.

1. Please be aware that subject follows dependent phrase at the beginning of the sentence should be directly related "it, represented talking about car?
2. To me, it does not make sence saying but it does seem to decrease the use of it for the great environment damage it caused. If you are saying using car as transportation mode is decreasing (??its popularity or else) due to environmental issue, then the sentence needs to be rewrite.

First, it is obvious that nearly everywhere on this planet are running cars, which cause serious traffic jam in some urban area.
3. ??? are running cars - people drive

Though cars are useful, it become one of the top problems to human.
4.Please read #1 again, introductory phrase and subject are not match

People have thought a great number of solutions to solve this problem and have made progress in this issue. 5. progress on

For example, the government in my city considers enlarging the size of public transportation to satisfy the people's daily demand. In this project, the government bought nearly 100 buses and redesigns the bus's routes.

6. verb - bought, redesigns, redesigns ??reroute the bus's routes

And this project really works. In the first month, the number of cars was decreased 5%. On the other hand, some NGO started a movement called "pick up your bicycle", it encouraged people ride their bike when go to work or school, and even short-distance travels.

7. Wrong transitional market, should it be 'in addition, furthermore' not 'on the other hand (the idea you are presenting is not the opposite stuff but provide addition information).

I also take part in this movement by riding bike to school. Sometimes volunteers may disguise as passerby and surprisingly give you a gift to reward you for participate in the movement.

However, cars are not easy to decrease in a short time for they are still the most convenient transportation to people. Throughout the history of transportation, though cars are not the first transportation that human used, it's obvious that they are the most effective.

Cars make people's life more convenient and comfortable. People use cars to carry contraction materials to built their house and make traveler easy to arrive places where they want.

8. pararell construction to carr construction materials, to built their houses, and to make travellers easy... Aslo, take make travelers easy....please try to use other words

In the meantime, the fuels that cars used are easy to get for the technology are advanced (??? are you trying to easy it is easy to buy gas everywhere because it is a common commodity), and since there are no substitutions for cars to make contribution to human (??? Just say at the moment there is no other transportation mode that can substitute cars), cars will not become fewer in the a short time.

To sum up, the number of cars is decrease only when the substitutions are available and public transportation are fully developed. ?? is decrease??

To me, the major problems are about word choices. It cannot express your ideas correctly.
OP Auguste 4 / 11  
Oct 23, 2011   #4
As you said, I do have problems about word choices.Thank you a lot :)


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