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Zoos are cruel and should be closed down


tony98s 1 / -  
Jul 24, 2021   #1

the issue with zoos



Task: Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed down. Others, however, believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals. Discuss both opinions and give your own.

My essay:

Wildlife conservation is of great importance and zoos are one of the possible solutions to protect wild animals species from the threat of extinction. Some critics argue that the existence of zoos is not necessary because it is cruel to capture the living creatures in conservation areas. On the contrary, some strongly advocate zoos due to their contributions to the preservation of wildlife. In my opinion, I am reclined towards the latter notion and will clarify both points of view in this essay.

It can be seen in zoos that many species are being mistreated. Due to the difficulties in adopting a totally new living environment, hundreds of endangered species are forced or even tortured to eat strange food. Then comes the death and even extinction of those animals. For example, Ba Be turtle, a threatened and endangered animal species in Vietnam, is inhibited their reproductive capacities, resulting in facing the brink of extinction. Therefore, governments should introduce legislation to restrict or ban zoos from being open to the public.

To some extent, zoos can be useful in the process of animal preservation. First, the ecological diversity can be maintained in the areas keeping abundant categories of wild animal genes. Apparently, this is regarded as a contributing factor in reinstating biodiversity. It can be justified that primates such as apes or monkeys are prone to poaching and slaughter. So, zoos can relatively protect them from such anthropogenic harmful activities. In addition, governments can easily raise people's awareness by facilitating tourists to visit the animal conservation areas. In other words, the sense of wildlife conservation can be promoted to the public and at the same time, attracting anyone to contribute to the campaign of saving endangered animal species prior to their extinction. Annually, educational institutions, for instance, can organize wildlife trips for students to have deeper understandings of wildlife and its implications on our lives.

In conclusion, threatened and endangered animals should be protected in zoos, though there are some mistreatments as a few exceptions. I, personally, opine that zoos are helpful in keeping wildlife diverse and will be a backbone in promoting wild animal protection if governments grant permission to be open to the public. (365 words)
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15043 4827  
Jul 25, 2021   #2
When assessing how the essay should be written, the writer must consider the number of discussions as indicated in the discussion instruction of the paragraph. the writer must consider:

- How many point of views are provided in the topic? (2)
- How many discussion points are required by the discussion instruction? (3 individual paragraphs)

The writer should be able to come up with the correct number of paragraphs based on the indicated considerations. In this case, there are 2 public opinions for consideration and one personal opinion to be presented. The writer quite possibly misconstrued the discussion points presentation format because of the "personal opinion" portion provided in the discussion instruction.

The two public opinions must allow for a public reasoning consideration first, and a personal opinion second. The writer has to focus on explaining the validity of the publix point of view first, then assess it based upon his personal considerations of that viewpoint discussion. The fomat that the writer could follow is:

Sentence 1: Public opinion topic sentence
Sentence 2: Explanation of the basis of this opinion
Sentence 3: Writer's personal assessment of the public opinion
Sentence 4: Example to support his personal opinion
Sentence 5: Additional supporting statement or transitions entence

It is imoprtant that the writer display gramamr skills in relation to pronoun usage in this type of essay. Not only is that a scoring requirement, but it also helps to add to the advanced writing skills consideration of the writer. The point is, the writer should be able to display a proper comparative opinion based on a two sided discussion ion one paragraph. There was a lack of this vital presentation in the current discussion. The lack of proper formatting indicates that the essay is not based on the indicated reasons per public point of view, but only the writer's assessment of the discussion points.

There is an irrevelant discussion point in the presentation. There is no instruction for the writer to provide a solution to any point of view presented. That is the reason why the essay is longer than it should be. In all honesty, the length of this essay cannot be completed within the 40 minute allottment. The fomat presented above will help the writer meet more than the word requirement and also, present a properly focused paragraph discussion, without any deviations. Deviations do not receive scores and are deducted from the word count.

Word usage is also a problem for this writer who used the word reclined, rather than "inclined" in the presentation. If the writer is not sure of the meaning of a word, or, he just thinks that the word is what he wants to use, then he should refer to a dictionary to make sure as LR errors will add to the possibility of getting a failing score. The writer should do this while he is still doing practice tests as it can help to properly build his English vocabulary, a benefit during the actual test.


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