hermionegranger 1 / - Jan 24, 2011 #1Hi can you tell me if this is a good haiku?a frantic spiderscuttles across the sandAngry waves claim it
hgrierson 8 / 11 Jan 27, 2011 #2It's a good poem and has a solid theme, but you don't have enough syllables in the middle. It's only 6 - you need 7.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13288 129 Jan 27, 2011 #3It is excellent... very, very good stuff. But you are missing a syllable in that second line. Rework it! I really like the last line.I always remember this haiku for some reason: Suna hama ni/ ashi ato nagaki/ haru hi kanaIt means "A summer day/ a long nine of footprints/ on a sandy beachI may be getting it a little wrong. Anyway, it is great, like yours, because it shows a scene the suchness of which you can appreciate in a moment of stillness.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13288 129 Jan 27, 2011 #4Wow.. I really like that last line the more I look at it. You are great... Angry waves claim it.... that is perfect.