Scholarship / The actions of humanity in polluting the earth - a reference letter for yourself describing yourself [3]

Try to match up your words with everyday conversational English. For example, people would not normally say "my immense gratification". Instead, they would say something like "my privilege" or "my honor", which are more accepted in everyday conversations, which this letter is supposed to be.


Give your end of year position in the overall year level. The claim you are making lacks supporting information.


How did he perform on the national level? Did he win a place on the podium? How did he accept defeat if he did not win? That would show his character when faced with disappointment and failure.


This would be more admirable if you were a part of the a community organization of some sort. Please name the organization if you are part of one. If not, then indicate that you are trying to start one in your community and mention the reception of the community to the action.


This normally connotes a period of time leading up to the death of a person. Please rephrase this portion.

Scholarship / ERASMUS MUDUS SCHOLARSHIPS ON EUROPEAN PUBLIC HEALTH MASTER. Europubhealth+ [2]

The requirement for the statement of purpose is that you have a desire to attend 2 universities instead of just one. Since this is a double masters degree, you should also be discussing both universities as they co-relate to the focus of your masters studies. This essay seems to focus only on the 2nd university and the 2nd year of your course? Why is that? Is this only a draft as you have not decided upon what the first university will be for you?

I believe that the mention of what your college thesis was could be helpful n this instance. Try to prove a line of continuing studies and research based upon that college research path. By showing the relationship between that past and your idea for your future research, your purpose for studies should become stronger and allow the reviewer to see that you are on a continuing learning and application path in your desire to help the HIV afflicted youth of your country.

Scholarship / Empowering Innovation Through Connection: My Path to Chevening [2]

You have not shown any actual use for these so-called networks that you think you have created. You are only discussing the skills you built through these events that you attended. There is no evidence of how you have used these networks in a professional setting. The network you claim to have built cannot be considered as one that might be useful for the Chevening network due to your lack of proper cultivation and utilization narrative in this response statement. While you have attended these events and learned from them, what Chevening needs are actual working networks that show how you can assist the past, present, and future scholars by having a network that can support them as needed. If you have not used these networks professionally and can prove evidence of that usage, then this is worthless to your application.

Scholarship / Navigating Leadership Challenges: A Journey of Growth in Biology Education and Research (Chevening) [2]

Your experience as a practicum coordinator does not reflect a potential for your growth as a future leader and influencer in your home country so I would not over emphasize that role in this essay. Your role at the government agency might have some potential to prove a future leadership and influencing role for you although how that can happen is not clear in the statement you have presented. Basically, this is one confusing mess of a leadership and influencing essay. There is no logical flow to the presentation as you are going back and forth between scenarios. That makes it difficult for the reviewer to read this and piece together any leadership and influencing abilities you might have.

Research Papers / Reserach on The Role The United States Has In The Palestinian Genocide [3]


This is just one of the many examples in this essay of how you make declarations that are not backed up by academic and authoritative sources. You cannot make statements claiming certain things are factual and true without citing an actual source to prove that claim. For this statement in particular, you are making a inflammatory claim that needs to be supported by researched historical, or recent information.


Review and edit the presentation. There is a difference between "the U.S." and "the us". The lower case equivalent does not inform the reader that you are talking about the United States as a country. Remember that even the acronyms for countries need to be written in capital letters to differentiate it from other word references.

The essay has too many in-text citations, without enough personal perspectives involved in the presentation. For each citation, a personal opunion or explanation must follow to show that you chose to cite this information based on a personal understanding of the situation depicted in the quote.

Letters / Motivation letter for CERN 2025 Technical Student Internship programme for civil engineering. [4]

You have barely changed the original content of this letter, which you submitted under a different username in the past. Which is why I do not really see any reason why I should put any effort into giving you advice for improving the motivational letter. You do not value the advise that is given to you and you break the rules at this forum. Unfortunately, I still have to give you advice since you were given a final chance by the forum administrators.

Make the letter more concise. Do not focus too much on the backstory. Target your relevant academic accomplishments and previous internships or work based training that would tie into the unique abilities, skills, and knowledge that you can bring to the program. Indicate how these would also be beneficial to your advanced learning at CERN since you will have the ability to update your knowledge and skills in relation to your previous learning. Keep it simple, clear, and concise. Focus on the motivation and how you plan to achieve it

Research Papers / Research paper on Fish Hatcheries [2]


It is best to assume that the reader is not familiar with the topic you are discussing at all times. Explain the meaning of the term first, then slowly evolve it into the discussion that you are going to be presenting. Slowly build up the whole paragraph from definition, to actual topic, to the thesis statement. There is no need to use 2 paragraphs to accomplish this.


The professor already knows you are writing a research paper / essay. There is no need to state the obvious. Try to restate the target discussion that you stated in this section without the condescending tone.

It is best to avoid ending paragraphs with a citation. That indicates laziness on the part of the student, who would rather just do a cut and paste job instead of actually delivering his personal understanding or definition of the topic contained in the presentation. Always add a sentence or two after the citation to prove that you are actually relating this to the rest of the discussion. A simple transition sentence introducing the next paragraph topic as it relates to the current one will suffice.

Research Papers / The Right to Choose - Abortion Research Paper [3]


This citation does not belong at the start of the research paper. This indicates a lack of proper introduction and makes it appear that you have presented the essay from the middle rather from the start. Create a proper introduction to the topic by removing this reference point. You may use a narrative paragraph that will tell the story of the history of abortion in the United States if you wish. Then lead into the thesis statement for your research paper. The simplest way would be to remove the reference to the citation of the term instead.

You need to be clear in this presentation, are you presenting a personal opinion supported by facts and research? Or, are you presenting a neutral point of view that does not reflect your point of view in the presentation? The thesis statement needs more clarity.

The information and instructions for reflection in the paper makes it an informed piece whose task is to help women make an informed decision. It is clearly referenced throughout the presentation. So you have a strong piece of writing here that just needs more room for development, if you still have the allowance to do so. It will make an already good and acceptable paper even stronger and more informed.

Writing Feedback / Ietls writing about the consumption and production of potato [2]


Since you are giving a summary of the information provided, you always need to be specific about regional mentions. So, rather than just saying "different regions", you have to mention the region instead. It could be a reference to Europe, US, Latin America, South America, Asia, Eurasia, or, you can mention the specific areas so that the reader will have the clearest possible reference point for the information source. They will not be surprised when you start to mention the specific areas in the trending statement.


Incorrect punctuation usage. This should be an Oxford Comma rather than a period. That is because "followed by" indicates that the information is connected within the same sentence.


Incorrect vocabulary, the phrase is "potato" consumption" referring to the act of eating or using potatoes.

Scholarship / Nigeria and Doctors - CAREER GOALS; CHEVENING [2]

The reviewer will not be interested in reading the research paper that you have included in this essay. In fact, it will turn him off and force him to stop reading your paper, leading to your losing out on candidacy consideration. Just get to the point. I already cautioned you about over sharing in your paper, you obviously have not listened to what I have advised you. So why are you still coming here looking for a review of your paper? You insist on not following the required writing instructions of the prompts, so you will not have a chance for consideration even if you submit your documentation because your written interviews will not pass the qualifiers. You have not included DFID or other UK projects in your country in this presentation, which is the focal point of candidacy considerations for this prompt. This is not going to help your application.

Scholarship / Chevening-Career plan (Chevening is looking for individuals who have a clear post-study career plan) [2]

You have shown a tendency to overshare in all of your essays. You are not properly focused, nor actually considering the demands of the prompt in relation to your assessment as a potential Chevening scholar. In this case, you have overdone it again.The short term plan, should cover the first 3 years of your career post studies. The long term plan should not go beyond 5 years. You must also focus more on the DFID programs in your country that your studies will allow you to participate in. Find a way to integrate your ambitions and plans with the work DFID does in your country. There is no need to involve the British Council in the discussion because the relationship of Chevening is the the DFID in various countries.

Writing Feedback / Relationship Buillding and Shared Learning; CHEVENING [2]

While I am not discounting the importance of the relationship you built while you were in college, that is not the correct network and relationship building skill that Chevening is looking for. The one that they would be considering for your application is at the end of your essay. The one about the professional relationship that you have built. That is because the way that you cultivate and continue to build upon these relationships will be pivotal to your Chevening journey. As such, you are expected to have a working relationship with these lawyers, pharmacists, and accountants. These should all connect to your profession though and must have been built by you through skill and knowledge building practices within your profession. These have to prove a usefulness to your profession during a pivotal time as well. Revise the essay to focus on your professional networking skills and usage.

Scholarship / Chevening - Studying in the UK [3]

There are supposed to be 3 course choices provided. You only specify 2 course choices at the same university. It is best to select 3 courses at 3 universities. That way you widen your opportunity to be chosen for admission to at least one university, if you pass the screening round and reach the short list consideration portion. Right now, I do not see that happening for you. While you do have an applicable background, I cannot say that you have enough forward thinking in terms of how you plan to apply the programs once you return to your home country. At this point, I can only advise you to read the other sample essays here that I have previously given advice on. Learn from their presentations and my suggestions. Apply those to your next version of your study statement. Do not use this essay. Not a single part of it.

Scholarship / Chevening - Relationship building and shared learning [2]

Unfortunately your essay speaks of an internship, which should not be confused with a person performing a networking task in an official and professional capacity. As an intern, you are still classified as a student or a learner. This is often a training series accomplishes as a part of your graduation requirements from your course. Can you see the difference? It will not be considered as a Chevening qualification because the requirement is that you present a series of relationships that have been professionally built through seminars, conferences, webinars, and other training and knowledge updating exercises within the performance of your actual profession. There is no professional relationship building in this statement. All you did was explain your task and performance as an intern, which is not the same as a relationship building exercise as required by Chevening. This is another reason you will be disqualified from consideration during the screening round.

Scholarship / Collaboration, building trust, and inspiring - Chevening Leadership and influence [3]

The applicants always define what leadership and influencing means to them on a personal basis. This is not really necessary in this essay because the reviewers are more interested in how you exemplify leadership and influencing. It is one thing to define the two words, it is another thing to embody is through concrete examples. Use examples to explain your definition. Fit the narrative to the definition through action.

Paragraph 2 is just a listing of your duties and responsibilities, which should not be included in this statement since those are not relevant to the definition by action that is required. I suggest you remove those descriptions from the paragraph.

While the position you speak of links to the leadership and influencing discussion, it does not prove that you are a future leader and influencer in your country because it is academic in basis. The requirement is that of a profession or community based example. I strongly recommend the profession example because that is what Chevening is looking for, future leaders in their fields / professions. As of now, this presentation is good, but not competitive.

Scholarship / Inspiring, reliable and ambitious - Chevening leadership [5]

You are not applying for a college scholarship. Even then this application would be laughable at the most. It is not competitive enough even for a college scholarship application. That is because you do not have real leadership and influencing skills to speak of. You cannot use experiences from the age of 6 and 13. Those are not considered real experiences for a scholarship that is seeking professionals internationally with actual leadership and influencing skills. No. Those references should definitely be removed from the essay. A good leader is not only good at public speaking. He has to be more than just passionate as well. There is no real evidence of your qualities and traits that would show impressive leadership abilities and notable influencing skills. This is the sort of essay that would get you disqualified in the applicant screening process. This is one time that name dropping previous Chevening scholars from your home country will not be able to help your application. Unless you can come up with competitive leadership and influencing narratives, then I do not suggest that you apply for the Chevening scholarship.

Scholarship / Collaboration, service, and change - Chevening Leadership [5]

This is a pretty good influencing essay. However, you are misleading the reviewer into believing that you did all of this alone. That is where the problem lies. A good influencer and leader knows how to work with a team, instead of doing everything by yourself as you depict in this essay. This is the major flaw that made the community influencing reference weak. Additionally, there was no real leadership ability provided. There was a lot more conversation about the illness and what causes it than any leadership and influencing traits that you needed to use to successfully lead the project. Since this is a community based project, you should try to come up with a secondary profession based leadership and influencing example as well.

Scholarship / Compliance/Internal Control Manager - Leadership and influence-Chevening [3]

Avoid references to religion even on general terms because the scholarship program is non denominational. You do not want to come across as someone who might use the scholarship to preach and promote their beliefs onto other people. That is not the kind of influencing that they are looking for.

Your community leadership and influencing basis would be best exemplified by your participation in the AIESEC. Just edit the paragraph to remove the reference to spiritual growth if you can. It is not necessary to keep mentioning religion in this case. It is not a major consideration for your scholarship compliance in terms of the prompt requirement. Give a solid example of how you managed to successfully lead and influence the participants instead.

Writing Feedback / Leadership is about finding a vacuum and mounting the courage to fill that space. - CHEVENING [4]

The essay is problematic as it tries to discuss a college leadership and influencing scenario which actually turned out to be more of a networking response than anything else. Your position as the eldest child does not matter to the reviewer. As far as he is concerned, that is not automatic proof of leadership or influencing. You do not share any community leadership skills that would at least show how you can be a future community leader. The lack of professional leadership and influencing discussion is the weakest point of this essay. The college situation cannot compete with the other better experienced individuals who are vying for the scholarship also. The college narrative you shared is too amateur and irrelevant to your potential as a future leader in your profession or an influencer in the field / your community. It is important that you revise the essay to be more competitive. Focus on your work experience and how it relates to demands of a person slowly coming into his own as a leader and influencer in the field. There is no evidence of that in this presentation.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2 : Solving environmental problems should be the responsibility of..... [2]

The work you have done deviates from the original writing instruction. You were being asked for an agree or disagree opinion as provided by the discussion prompt. Your response is not in accordance with the choices provided. To be clear:

Discussion Instruction:
Response:
The response clearly does not follow the prompt requirement. Therefore, your preliminary TA score will be a failing score since you will be judged by the examiner to have provided a response that is not in the expected format. What this means is that regardless of how well you discussed your personal opinion, the essay cannot receive a passing score in the end. You have to understand that you discussed a topic unrelated to the given choices. Therefore, it is clear that your comprehension skills are lacking since you did not understand the question being asked and that you were limited to only 2 possible responses for an answer choice.

Scholarship / Digital Transformation (Product Owner) - Leadership and Influence - Chevening Essay [2]

This is a well developed leadership and influencing essay that shows how you are professionally leading changes within the business community to update and upgrade the knowledge. It is one of the better developed leadership and influencing essays that focuses on the professional industry you are working in. It highlights your skills in conflict resolution, team building, and community development through proper leadership and influencing skills. While I cannot assure you that you will get a slot as a Chevening scholar, I am confident that your essay, along with your other documentation will help the reviewers assess your essay properly in comparison with your competitor applicants. Provided that your other documentation is as strong as this esaay, and that your other essays are as well written, you stand a good chance at candidate consideration.

Writing Feedback / As computers are being used more and more in education, there will soon be no role for the teacher [2]

The response essay is a bit too short for a task 2 essay. Yes, it does surpass the minimum word count by 8 words, so you will avoid word count deducations. However, you have not written enough words to allow the examiner to analyze your English comprehension, thinking, and writing abilities. That is achieved by writing at least 275 words, but no more than 300. Aim for an additional 25 words if you can next time.

It would be ideal if you used transition phrases between sentences or transitional sentences between paragraphs. That way you properly move, or move with idea clarity from one topic to the next. In addition, since you are only discussing 2 reasons in this presentation, there is no sense in using the word "lastly" since you are not discussing a series of reasons. Anchor topic sentences would work best in this instance.

Undergraduate / The Ideological and Emotional Interconnectedness of Humanity: Common App Main Personal Statement [4]

Well, this is most certainly a deeply personal introspection on your background. You have exposed your vulnerabilities regarding your upbringing and mixed race roots. You are the result of various blood interactions and cultures. The reviewer will appreciate all of this information that certainly serves to respond to a personal oral interview. It contains elements that will definitely show what sort of diversity you can bring to the campus community and the study experience of other students both local and foreign, Your interaction with them will certainly be an interesting one. I would not change anything about this essay. it is something deeply personal to you and allows you to open open up to the reviewer within your comfort zone.

Undergraduate / My passion for robotic - AIF Waterloo Comp Eng Question #1 [2]

There are 2 ways that this essay can actually proceed for the interest of the reviewer. The first way is the one you just presented, wherein you continued the discussion of your chosen major and how you choose to pursue it at Waterloo. That is the standard approach that every applicant will take, thinking that is the information that the reviewer requires. However, the prompt is not major centric. It is actually giving you an opportunity to showcase an aspect of your character or personality that you could pursue at Waterloo, independent of your course major. The application prompts already focus on your chosen major. This prompt, asks you to inform the reviewer about what else you can bring to the student community of Waterloo that can help to enhance the student experience within the community. He wants to know that you are familiar with other aspects of Waterloo beyond just academics.

Undergraduate / Why data science - personal statement (650 words limit) [3]


You may want to present an introduction to this setting first. Why would the PE teachers allow you to develop the competition format? Do not leave your reviewer wondering how this occurred as it could affect the flow and information sharing of the essay for his consideration.

Do not waste the open topic essay on further reiterating your desire to seek an education in the field of data science. You have answered enough common app prompts to prove your genuine desire to complete this course. The open topic essay is normally used to represent a character trait or something / information about you that was not covered in the other common prompt discussions. Figure out something extra special about you that you want to share with the reviewer to show how well prepared you are for college in a foreign land. Get personal. This is your chance to let him get to know you on your terms. Enough about the data science decision. He wants to learn more about you beyond that interest. Trust me on this.

Scholarship / Relationship-building in a professional capacity - Chevening [6]

The presentation does not really reflect effective leadership and influencing skills. The description you provide is more related to your duties and responsibilities, which should never be confused with leadership and influencing. The overall content is totally unrelated to leadership and influencing in the capacity that Chevening requires which is that of a leader and influencer in either a community or professional setting. Since you are trying to gain a scholarship for a masters course, a professional leadership and influencing discussion, reflecting on your ability to be a future leader and influencer on a higher level, should be present in the essay. I would not include any reference to academic leadership or influencing since that is a bubble setting wherein the environment is controlled and you would not have to deal with problems that relate to the scenarios Chevening is looking for.

Scholarship / A young Bangladeshi Muslim woman - Chevening leaders or influencers [3]


Avoid sounding combative in your statements. This reference makes you sound like an activist. While I do not mind if you are, the committer reviewers may see this as d negative. Find a way to make this sound like a positive character trait by using a less inflammatory reference phrase.

You may keep the community leadership and influence reference but you will have to choose between your conference and current profession. you only need to reference the most effective of the 2 in terms of leadership and influencing highlights. My choice would be the conferences. The closing statement must be revised in totality as it tends to discuss other prompts contents.

Undergraduate / Mechanical Engineering to be my professional career [6]

The essay does not respond to the question at all. Have you heard of a non-answer? It is when you give a response that seems to answer the question, but upon further scrutiny shows that there is actually no substance to the response. You do not have a career plan because you are not sure you are entering the correct major. You can only see a future as a professional, and properly respond to this question once you are sure that you have chosen the right career for yourself. Your answer is not only plain, it is also unrelated to the question being asked. You need to do some self introspection here. Think about what sort of career you might have as a mechanical engineer. Why? Would it be a self fulfilling career for you? How? Those are the questions that should help guide your response to this essay. If you cannot find any answers deep within you to these questions, then you are in the wrong college major. It is not too late to change college major choices yet since you are still applying for admission. Change it while you can.

Letters / Nuclear power - Erasmus Mundus Sarena motivation letter [6]


This opening makes the essay sound like you are presenting a research paper rather than a motivational letter. I would open the essay with a vision of what my country would look like once it becomes energy independent via nuclear energy, or something similar instead. That way the motivation for the line of studies directly relates to your future professional plans. The reviewer will be more interested in that rather than the data you are presenting that does not matter to him since he is not from your home country.


Do not repeat information about the course to the reviewer. He is familiar with the demands of this masters course. You need to prove that your academic foundation is aligned with the course demands though so focus on that, but make it quick. Your letter is too wordy, very long, and difficult to follow at this point. You need to be more concise in your information presentation.

Undergraduate / Essay on how Art Inspires me - fascinated forever. [2]

Universities and colleges request their reviewers and admissions committee members these days tend to run plagiarism checkers on the essays submitted by the applicants. That is because there are applicants who tend to use a generic essay for all universities and colleges that they are applying to. Once an essay has been proven to be submitted to several universities or fails the plagiarism checker, the applicant is automatically rejected by the admissions committee or review officer. It is always best to use an original essay for every university and college that you apply to. However, you may use the original essay as a basis of your new essays. You may even paraphrase yourself if you wish. Since every university has a specific prompt that you have to address, it is expected that you will be submitting original thoughts and perspectives in your response. The only exception is the Common Application essay, which is automatically submitted to several universities as a given time, based on the same prompt discussion suggestions.

Scholarship / Career Plan Chevening - Creating an AI innovation centre for long term [2]


You have wrongly referenced the organization work in your country. It is not about what they could provide to your vision but rather, their existing programs that you will be joining and enhancing based upon your theoretical and practical skills that you will be gaining from the studies in the UK. Look for a program that they are working on that you could possibly participate in. Bear in mind that AI is relatively new technology so there may not be programs available in your country, as supported by the UK agency so you may need to adjust the essay content to be less AI focused and more computer technology focused instead.


The Chevening scholarship is only for the masters course. It has nothing to do with your future PhD studies. Remove that whole paragraph in totality. It is irrelevant to the discussion. You are always straying from the actual focus of the prompts provided. That is the main weakness of your essays and that will be the main reason why you may not be considered seriously for a slot as a candidate. You need to focus on the important aspects and stop inserting irrelevant discussions or references. Your hyper focus on AI will already be a major weakness for your response statements as it is.

Scholarship / Resilience, determination, and compassion - Application for Mastercard Scholarship [2]

Consider using more specific examples of the traits you mentioned. The way that you describe these in your essay is not even one dimensional, it is completely boring and devoid of actual implementation samples. Rather than the first paragraph content, you should consider developing the 2nd paragraph presentation for the overall essay. Try to include the name of the community development group that you belonged to, what its mission is, what role you played and how you developed your traits even further because of that experience. That way you can believable reference these as what you will be bringing to the student community of whatever university you will be attending should you be chosen as a scholar. Do not reference the Mastercard community because you will be bringing these traits with you to the student community of the college or university you will be attending.

Scholarship / Chevening - Leadership - Aspiring Sustainable Business Leader [2]


Show team leadership. A true leader works and develops these procedures in consultation with industry partners, team members, or consultative bodies. You cannot claim to have done this alone. This is the reason why your people were rejecting it at first. Make it clear that you did not develop the guidelines alone.

You need to provide only one clear and strong evidence of leadership and influencing. I would rather that you thoroughly develop the first instance of leadership and influencing in this essay since it clearly highlights the traits of a team leader:

1. Workplace communication
2. Influencing team mates
3. Leading the group towards an effective result
4. Positive results of your leadership skills

That situation highlighted your skills as a leader and influencer in the best possible setting so it should not be paired with a less effective situation such as your second example.

Scholarship / Study in the UK Essay for Chevening - Modules and Access to Research Labs [3]

You are over writing and losing the interest of the reviewer. For the 2nd time, let me remind you, you only have 10 minutes at the most to gain the attention of the reviewer and make him interested in what you are writing. You have to be course and university specific in the information you provide. This will be an essay that is in bullet form, but without the bullets indicated. It is still paragraph form. While your introduction is good, you need to be specific as to your specific academic training and professional exposure with each masters course you choose, regardless of the university. That tends to get confusing in this discussion because you are making it a general discussion of your skills in terms of course choices. You cannot do that with Chevening. You have to be course, experience, and academic specific in your discussion. You have to clearly show how each course will be applied to your career once you complete the course. Regardless of which course you win the scholarship for. Stop over writing. Stick to the format. Do not write this as your academic biography because that is not what the reviewer is looking for.

Scholarship / UK government in Indonesia - Chevening about Career Plan [2]

You need to present a more specific timeline for the short and long term goals. Be very clear and separate the short term from the long term. These are admirable plans that actually show the end result of your desire to become a national, local, and community leader, and influencer. Consider the actual DFID projects in your country. Never leave Chevening out of the discussion, specially when it comes to UK projects in your country. Which UK agency can you work with? How can you assist the agency through your newly learned skills and the network you are expected to develop for the betterment of your country? Always present a full circle explanation that starts with you, proceeds to you cooperating with DFID, and closes with you, DFID,and Chevening working together for the common good of your country.

Scholarship / CERN 2025 Technical Student Internship - Civil Engineering [2]

You sound more like you are applying for a college admission than a prestigious and extremely competitive technical student internship. There is only a 5% admission rate for this program so you can imagine how well skilled, ambitious, and more competitive the resume of your competition will be. This is not what I would call a competitive letter because of its simplicity in approach, the fact that you are using childhood references instead of college ambitions, previous internship experience, or forward thinking skills indicates a lack of preparedness on your part for this program. India, being an Associate Country will not be high on the consideration list for the program and applications like these, lacking in proper references and information as to why you truly stand out as a candidate, what you can bring to the program. and what you offer the program, are sure to fall through the cracks and not catch the eye of the reviewers.

Scholarship / "A project coordinator" - Chevening: Leadership and influence [2]


Chevening is looking for current community and prpfession based leaders who have the potential to develop into future national leaders and influences. Remove this reference.


Do not use group references as it blurs your actual role in the group. Focus on single person pronouns and discuss how you led and influenced the community. Provide verifiable evidence.


I would not say that your leadership nor influence drove this movement. There are several external factors that would have led to this outcome regardless if your presence or non presence in the situation. It would be better to remove this claim.

You have discussed leadership and influencing traits in this essay, but there are no narrated scenarios that actually prove these claims. Proof of how you continue to lead and influence under stressful scenarios are necessary in this presentation.

Scholarship / My Vision for AI in Ghana - Leadership and Influence Chevening [3]

You can only use AI as the theme of the UK Study essay. When it comes to university choices, you may use your educational background in relation to AI as a part of your university choice considerations. You must respond directly to the prompt requirements, without inserting AI at any given point for all the other response topics. You cannot use this leadership and influencing essay because it does not prove that you have a professional ability to lead and influence your peers. College leadership is one thing, but the competitors you will be up against are internally skilled professionals who have proven to be leaders and influencers in their professional communities. They are the people that would prove to be future leaders within their fields because they are already practicing those skills in an intricate and complicated professional setting. That is what will end up disqualifying your application in this case. This essay is not competitive at all and misdirected in response presentation.

Writing Feedback / In most countries, fast food is becoming cheaper and more available. [2]

This essay length cannot be completed during the actual test. It is almost 400 words long, which means that you will not have enough time to draft, review, revise, edit, then finalize the content of the paper. You only have 40 minutes to deliver a concise and well developed response to the given discussion. You should not be spending more than 10 minutes each on the (1) brainstorming, (2) drafting, (3) revising, (4) review and final editing of content for the presentation. Although your grammar is intermediate in skill, the fact that you did not discuss the essay in the expected single opinion response, and that your restatement and writer's opinion deviated from the original topic and discussion points will be additional reasons that this essay will not receive a passing mark. You are using a comparative measured response essay, which are 2 different response formats meant for specific prompt requirements. The opinion presentation in this essay should only be of the single opinion kind. The essay will fail because of the incorrect response format and lack of time to actually finish the essay during the actual test. An open ended essay, meaning the conclusion is not present, will receive an automatic failing score. This is not going to receive a passing score.

Scholarship / chevening relationship building and Shared learning [3]

The NIQS was the better focus for this networking essay. The problem, is that you did not show how you grew this network to extend to your professional network. There is no proof that you have a working network that could benefit the Chevening scholars past, present, and future. The secondary network is not really a network reference. It is not connected in any way to the previoys discussion. The network essay must be connected from one discussion to the next. You cannot abruptly change the focus of the discussion. You also focus only on the "I" of the network. What you hope to gain and why. Try to involve the Chevening community in that part. It should be a 2 way networking street.