Writing Feedback / Expenditures on food and clothes - IELTS- Writing task 1-Mixed charts [2]

The essay has too many words. You should be writing only 200 words maximum for this task since you only have 20 minutes to write this essay. You should be mindful of the number of words you write because you are going to be prone to making more errors in this case. The advisable word count is actually 175 words. Remember to not compress your paragraph presentation either. Place a space between paragraphs to make the report easier to read.


Incorrect synonym usage. You are supposed to refer to a family, you could have referred to this differently as a household or a nuclear family. This will lower your LR score.

It is confusing to read your report because you do not identify which image you are discussing in each paragraph. You need to anchor the discussion on the image type to help the understanding of the reader. This sort of presentation will receive a lower C+C score in the end.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 (consumption of spreads) [2]

You should use an Oxford comma when enumerating related items. You partially did this in the summary overview. Points will be deducted from the GRA score because of the inconsistent usage though. You did a good job in mentioning the units of measurement. Most analysis omit that part, which causes TA and C+C deductions.

While you did mention the trending statement, you did not place it in the correct paragraph. That should be the last sentence of the summary overview since it is a part of the summarized information.

Do not enclose any information in a parenthesis because that indicates optional information. Since all of the information is required, you have to mention it as an integrated part of the paragraph.

Research Papers / The Effects of Social Media On Developing Brains [2]

The essay drones on and on and on without actually establishing a thesis statement first. What is the whole point of this discussion? Why is it important to discuss the issue? What is the opinion of the writer? What is the public opinion? How will these differing opinions be discussed in the essay? A balance should also be found between the pro and con discussion regarding the use of social media and its effect on the brain of a child. Be more specific about the age range that you are looking into. The brain of a child develops differently by age bracket so you should make sure to focus on a specific study for this research.

Scholarship / Psychology study plan GKS scholarship [2]

One essay at a time please. I can only offer you official advice regarding your language study plan. Everyone else who will give advice should disregard the later essays as well. Advise only on the language study plan. Thank you.

The language study plan is viable and considers the overall experience you will have as a student in Korea. However, you are also being asked to develop your English language skills while you are there. With that in mind, I believe that a slight editing for content is required for this essay. Allow even a paragraph only for your English language development skills. Though have a good grasp of the language, you will still benefit from advancing your English vocabulary as a student in Korea. The books you will be referencing are a mix of English and Korean after all.

Writing Feedback / The diagram below shows the floor plan of a public library 20 years ago and how it looks now. [2]


Never use references that will require the reader to look at the image. The assumption in the task 1 essay is that you are describing the image to the reader who does not have access to the same information that you have. Points will be deducted for references to image positioning, referencing, and other similar instructions for the reader.

Overall though, you did a splendid job of comparing the previous and new location settings. The examiner will appreciate how you showed evidence of logical thinking by combining your past and present descriptions. That type of presentation is definitely going to boost you TA and C+C scores. Your grammar is not perfect but is acceptable and shows a mid range language use capacity which will be good for your LR and GRA scores.

Undergraduate / Computer engineering - SOP Statement of Purpose essay help [2]

A statement of purpose is the written interview that the university admissions committee members use to determine your fit as a student at the university. There are specific information that they look for in your writing such as. Some of the information that they want to learn about are:

1. What was the earliest reason that influenced your decision to seek this course major?
2. What makes you believe that you can make a difference in this field of study and profession?
3. Why did you choose their university? What set their university apart in your eyes? What is special about their curriculum in your opinion?
4. How does the university fit in with your short term career plan?

These are but a few of the information that you can use to create a more interesting and aligned statement of purpose for your college application. The contents of the SOP should never be confused with the SOP. That is a totally different essay with a different writing guide.

Research Papers / Research paper on chronic illness and stress-related disorders [2]

Since you are the best source of information in this case, you should be referring to your plight as a misdiagnosed and over medicated individual. Your first hand account should be part of the continuing research and narration in this paper. That way the information presentation carries a personal and authoritative note. It creates more of a personality in an otherwise boring paper that relies mostly on cut and paste information to make its point. The paper lacks personality in the sense that the explanations are a bit trivial and lacking in a connection with the reader. By working your personal story into the presentation, you will allow the reader to be better informed from an experience based point of view.

Letters / Cover letter for international software engineering internship [2]

The cover letter should fit one page using a font size of 12. You do not need to write your academic and professional history in the cover letter. It should use bullet points to highlight a few of your academic and professional highlights, but no more than 4 or 5 at a time. You should speak of the reasons why you hope to become a part of the internship program. Summarize what your academic and professional motivations are. You should not write more than 5 paragraphs for a professional / internship cover letter. In this case, you may lose the interest of the reviewer since you are writing a summary of the documentation that you submitted. You should let the documents speak for itself. Use the letter to highlight points that are not included in your resume.

Writing Feedback / Essay about the relationship of the technology to culture [2]

The prompt restatement has 2 problems that I immediately see. It is not correctly restating the prompt. What you are explaining and what the prompt is saying are 2 different things. Specifically, the use of the word "lured" totally threw any relationship between the original prompt and your interpretation out the window. The 2nd problem, is that you writer's opinion, although correct in format, does not provide the 2 reasons for your opinion that will be discussed in the reasoning paragraphs. It created an incomplete opinion due to the lack of summarized basis.


"State", please be careful with your spelling. Always double check the spelling because you will incur LR deductions for each misspelled word.

Your discussion is not consistent with the traditional nature of the discussion. The military discussion is out of place. I am afraid this essay will be graded based upon an under developed discussion format and, due to the earlier errors, may not receive a passing score.

Research Papers / Research Paper on Divorce. Giving 3 areas of weakness as well as highlights. [2]


I think you should include the children of divorce as one of your target audiences for this paper since you mention them early on as being affected by mental hardship in a divorce. They should be a part of the discussion. You should mention the children in that part since you make specific mention of having to study the children of divorce later in the paper. You might also want to discuss an alternative to marriage counseling in the discussion. What other alternatives are there that can be pursued prior to a couple finally deciding to divorce? This should be different from the marriage maintenance that you indicate as a possible solution.

Research Papers / Research Paper: The War on Palestine and its Effect on Children [2]

The paper is suffering content wise because of the heavy reliance of your writing on cut and paste information and citations from other sources. I believe that more than half this paper uses citations and paraphrasing of other sources. Please make sure that you are within the citation limitations of your teacher. These can vary from 30%-50% of the paper. The more you cite sources without offering your writer's POV, the lower the grade you will get for the overall paper. It is important that you try to input your own point of view in the research paper. Most specially since your father is directly related to the topic in question. You can include some interviews from him or cite him as a personal source of the information.

Scholarship / Biotechnology - MAECI SCHOLARSHIP SIENA AND PAVIA [3]

I feel that you are relying too much on the theoretical excellence of your learning for this scholarship application, which, in truth, does not really set you apart from the other applicants in the pack. your story is quite ordinary and will not stand out among the applicants for the grant. You want to present a memorable scholarship application. I would like to suggest that you create a career path presentation for your application. Revise this essay to contain your vision for your future. What do you see yourself focusing on as a career? Why? Considering all your options, how do you plan to make a marked contribution to the medical field? Do you plan to accomplish these during your time as a student a these universities? Information like that just might allow you to catch the eye of the reviewers.

Research Papers / What are three weaknesses or improvements I can make to my research paper? Topic : Online Learning ï [2]

The main area for improvement that I can see in this research paper is the need to personalize the content. As a student of the new educational system, the reader needs to hear your opinion in regards to the experience, the studies, the information, and the future of flexible learning. Right now, the information is too heavy on theories and opinions of other people. Your voice is very important as the researcher and opinion maker of this paper. You need to tell us how you feel about how you feel in relation to the information you have been researching. How does your experience as a pandemic student relate to this information? Do you believe that you learned more this way rather than if you were reporting to F2F classes every day?

Letters / My Data Engineering and Analytics M.Sc. Letter of Purpose [2]

You are supposed to write a statement of purpose. I have not read any purpose related information in your letter thus far. All I see in the information relates to your academic biography, which is irrelevant to the statement of purpose. For the statement of purpose, it is important that you focus on your work experience, what you learned during that time, and what you hope to learn from TUM in relation to those studies. Create a line of continuous learning so that your interest in the course will be clear to the reviewer. These should lead to some sort of career progression in the end. One that requires a combination of your previous education and the training that TUM can give you. These are not in this version so this cannot qualify as a letter of purpose.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1: REDEVELOPMENT PLANS FOR A UNIVERSITY SPORTS CENTRE [2]

The report is over written. You should not write more than 200 words because this is only a 20 minute task. You should reserve the longer writing time for the task 2 essay, which is more complicated to write and is scored more on quality of writing rather than the information reporting being done in the task 1 essay.

It is important to write 2-3 sentences for the summary overview in the task 1 essay. You lose points when you compress your information presentation this way. Use one sentence per presentation idea to meet the requirement and increase your scoring potential.

Your presentation is not properly formatted. You should first describe the original layout of the sports facilities before you proceed to reporting the upcoming changes in the last paragraph. There is no need to present a concluding paragraph in the Task 1 essay. That is not a requirement as the report does not follow the task 2 writing format.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 1 - tourists visiting four different attractions in Scotland [2]

Your report formatting needs work. You have to present your information within 3-4 paragraphs that are clearly separated by spaces within the presentation. You have to ensure that the individual paragraph formats meet the minimum 3 sentence requirements for each one. Right now, you will lose a lot of points in the TA section because of the incorrect format presentation.

As for the information itself, you are being too vague in the explanation. You need to present the data as given in the image. Refer to the correct percentage numbers per year. Do more year on year comparisons to achieve the information comparison goals. By the way, you presented with line graphs, not just a line graph. Do not forget to look for the overlapping numbers in the graphs. Explain the overlaps as those are small reporting details that can help increase your final score.

Writing Feedback / (IELTS WRITING TASK 2) Many nations have recently decreased the retirement age [2]


Incorrect vocabulary. This should be "themselves", Them is the plural form of "himself" or "herself". Self in plural form is written as "selves".

Even though your grammar is not perfect, your English skill usage will be judged to be along the early intermediate scale due to the almost always proper word usage and the clarity of your explanation. While the explanation could use stronger advanced English words, your ideas are clearly presented and explained to the reader, leaving the reader well informed and capable of understanding your point of view in the presentation.

The word count itself is just the right number of words. It is possible for you to get a better GRA and C+C score in this case since the essay is just the right length to avoid any forced writing and word usage errors.

Research Papers / The Legalization of Marijuana [2]

I think that the research paper should focus more on the direct relationships between the outdated laws, the lifting of the ban in the states, and the economic benefits that the market brings to the individual and state income. Those are the references that you made in the introduction, but these were not fully developed in the research presentation. Your information presentation focuses too much on the legislation and history, with very little exposure to the updated economic information that would very well help create more credibility for your argument. Facts and figures relating to the income it generates and, possibly, where the states spend that income would further drive home the need to rework the current anti marijuana laws.

Scholarship / Why is sustainability important to you? - STEM Scholarship Program Essay [2]

Based on my review of your responses to the first prompt, you should consider combining the first and second options since these contain separate, but related information that would accurately respond to the prompt. Your interest in sustainable energy can be found in a sentence in the first response and the interest in the energy sector is in the 2nd response. The combination creates a comprehensive response to the question.

Astigmatism and strabismus are not really a part of your identity so it cannot be considered unique. A unique personality would stem from something that is exclusive to say, your race or ethnicity. It is not something that comes in the form of a visual disorder. I believe you should totally change your response to that prompt.

Writing Feedback / (IELTS WRITING TASK 1) ENERGY CONSUMPTION IN USA [3]

You have over written this analytical essay. It should not be more than 200 words in total since you only have a 20 minute writing allowance. Do your best to indicate and explain the information, without using a personal opinion in a concise manner. You will appreciate the brevity of your writing during the actual test. You will be able to focus on the quality of the writing, which will get you higher scores, rather than the length, which could result in failing scores.


Make sure you always provide the starting time point of the information. In this case, you should have indicated that the projections started in 1980 and reflects projections until 2030.

Writing Feedback / IELTS 2: Financial and social status Vs Old-fashioned values [2]

The essay itself is too long. You only have 40 minutes to complete this writing task. You cannot write more than 300 words because you are expecting to review and polish your presentation, keeping in mind the scoring rubic requirements. The longer your essay, the lower your possible score. It could even receive an auto failing score if you fail to complete the summary conclusion at the end of the presentation because you ran out of writing time.


The response you provided does not meet the writing requirements of the task. You have altered the original writing instruction and therefore, have given the examiner the authority to give you an automatic failing score for the preliminary Task Accuracy consideration. This will carry over to the overall discussion score and result in a final failing score once everything has been tallied. Fail to properly format your response and you will not pass this test.

Scholarship / gks sop - majoring in biological science [2]

The essay is extremely difficult to follow. I can sense your excitement in writing the essay, which caused you to write run-on sentences throughout the paper. That is where the problem lies with your presentation. Your thoughts are not making any sense to the reader. I realize you want to turn this into a personal statement with an insightful look at your life, among other things to be discussed. However, you need to pace yourself. You need to offer these experiences with a clarity that the reviewer will appreciate. You cannot offer all your thoughts without considering how it will be understood by the reader. Consider using a professional writing editor in this case. The professional human writer will be able to clean up this essay in a way that AI cannot.

Scholarship / Studies and degrees - How will this scholarship contribute to the organisation's human resource [2]

You are totally off base with your response. The question being asked pertains to your current career attachment. Where do you work? What sort of work does your office do? How will your upskilling help improve the human resource of your company? These are but a few response guide questions that you can consider when you develop your new response. This has nothing to do with the overall skills problem in your country. That is not the focus of the scholarship. The improvement consideration should be localized in terms of benefits. Yes, it will benefit the country overall, but that is a different discussion presentation. Focus on the discussion that is actually required for this question.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 2: Extinct animals [2]

The essay is not long enough to receive maximum scoring consideration per rubic. if you want to achieve maximum scoring consideration, then try to write at least 275 words. Do not write more than 300 words though. You might miss the writing deadline and end up failing because of an open ended essay.


Good work stating your opinion. However, you will lose points because you did not clearly establish the reasons for your opinion as a thesis statement. Points will be deducted from your TA score when you opt to repeat the writing instructions instead of offering a summary of the upcoming discussion.


Do not make any attestations in the essay. You are not being asked to prove that a statement is true. You are being asked to discuss your opinion. TA points will be deducted for straying from the writing topic.


This sentence will cause the closing summary paragraph to receive a failing score. You added information that is not part of the required discussion focus. All unrelated information presented will cause TA point deductions. In this case, your TA score will more than likely be a failing one.

Writing Feedback / Changes in the library's layout and design - ELTS - MAP [3]


This is not a statement that can be gained from looking at the previous map. Since this is a personal opinion, it should not be included in the statement. The Task 1 essay is always based on factual information gained from the image. It will lose points for injecting a personal opinion on the part of the writer. Keep it professional. Report only what you see.

You have to separate the paragraphs with spaces. Otherwise the paper does not follow the correct formatting requirements for the essay tasks. You need to show the separation between information presentations so that the reader is aware of the change in paragraph focus.

Research Papers / The Change Nerualink Can Have [2]

The first half of the paper is an empty discussion that does not move the topic forward nor introduce Nerualink in a way that would make the reader care about this discussion paper. I understand that it is a groundbreaking invention but, you do not make it clear from the get-go why this is important to us. You need to clearly establish the history of Nerualink. By the way, you got the company name wrong. Elon Musk named the company Neuralink. So you have to correct that in this paper. Getting the company name wrong already discredits the content and discussion presentation that you have. Start over with this paper. Open with a discussion of how brain and spinal injuries or cognitive diseases relate to the importance of the research being done by this company. Progress your discussion from there regarding how the technology can change the lives of those afflicted with these physical problems.

Research Papers / When Choice Becomes a Crime - Abortion Paper [2]

Your introduction to the topic is a redundancy. You appear to be discussing the same information several times in the presentation. That makes it appear like you are only concerned with meeting the word count requirement for your paper instead of wanting to deliver a clear and relevant discussion introduction. It will help your paper if you revise that paragraph to be less redundant and more reflective of your discussion purpose and presentation style instead. Paragraph 1 and 2 should be merged into a more cohesive introduction + thesis statement paragraph. That is because your thesis should not be found in the 2nd paragraph. That paragraph should begin your actual discussion instead. It appears also that there is a problem with redundancy throughout your paper. You tend to repeat your information several times, in several ways, within the same paragraph. So you need to edit the content of the paper to be less repetitive and more discussion cohesive.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: PEER PRESSURE [2]

This would be considered a failing essay because it altered the prompt discussion requirements. The paraphrasing is incorrect and the discussion format is not what was instructed in the original prompt. To be clear, you are to discuss: Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages? In your writer's opinion though, you did not respond to this question, which was to be the basis of your thesis statement. Instead, you created your own discussion prompt which is: This essay attempts to shed light on both perspectives of this tendency before elucidating that this is indeed an encouraging trend.

Do you see how the alteration changed the focus of the paper? As such, the examiner will give your opening paragraph a failing task accuracy mark, leading to an overall failing score for the paper in the end, regardless of how well you discussed your topic. It is not the correct topic for discussion. You did not understand the assignment.

Writing Feedback / Breaking Down the Divide: Understanding and Ending Gender Inequality [2]

The research is too over reaching. There are way too many topics being discussed, which has led to a less than stellar development of the discussion points and possible solutions. It is important that you narrow down the research to a few historical points, which you will follow into the modern era and then offer solutions for. Keep the topics as related as possible so that you can easily merge the discussions between topics, culminating in one big conclusion or solution to the problems presented. Right now, the research is quite complex and does not allow the reader to fully focus their attention on understanding the topics and solutions provided. The paper appears too busy and lacking in both direction and focus.

Research Papers / More Than Grades / Mantal Health Research Paper [2]

It is important that you open the discussion regarding this topic with more than just information that can be found in the public domain. You have to make sure that you create a personal connection with the topic so that the reader will understand why you chose it, the relevance to your insight that will be stated in the paper, and why you have developed certain solutions that could only have come from personal experience. Factually, there is no problem with the paper. It is authoritative in that manner. What it lacks in the personal interest or opinion of the writer. You need to match each discussion based on facts and figures with your opinion so that the paper becomes a true research paper that reflects and connects with its target audience.

Letters / Bachelor of Science in Management and Data Science - Motivation Letter for University Application [2]

The motivation letter is good but too generic in terms of the academic and career motivations that led you to choose Germany and TUM for your schooling. You need to have more specific motivations such as being inspired by the economic minds of Germany, an admiration for the way Germany was able to unite Some European countries under the Euro, the current financial trends in Germany, among others. As for the university, you have to be motivated by specific aspects of the program. You have to show that you understand the program requirements and that you have the undergraduate and professional foundation to successfully complete the core courses of the program. Right now, the letter sounds very excited, but needs more work in terms of specifics.

Scholarship / Master of Entrepreneurship and Innovation - AAS-Why did you choose? [2]

Your response does not show a familiarity with the university, its community, nor the course curriculum. There must be a parallelism between your educational background, your profession, and your desire for higher academic studies. This is a response that deviates from your personal insight and personal background as it requires an academic focus to be an effective response. I would strongly advise you to write a totally new response. Do not use this current version as it remains unapplicable to the prompt requirements. You mentioned the university option, but failed to mention and discuss what masters degree courses you are hoping to be enrolled in, per university. The overall essay shows that you do not understand the requirements of the scholarship, nor did you give ample thought to your university choices. A better and more relevant discussion response is necessary to better reflect your reasons for choosing the universities indicated.

Research Papers / The effects of social media on mental health [2]

The introduction feels like you were just constantly restating the same information over several sentences. It was actually very boring to read and often lacked any actual content that would hold the interest or increase the interest of the reader. You restate the same topics and implications throughout, thus making the introduction empty. The thesis statement then loses impact because the foundational discussion was not strong enough to support it.

The history of the problem should not stem all the way back to television. Television was a non-interactive form of entertainment. It was called an "Idiot Box" because it offered information to the viewer without effort. While "doom scrolling" on social media might be considered similar, the fact that the user is an active participant in the activity indicates a clear and marked difference between the television a and social media.

Letters / Supply Chain Management Master's Program Motivaston Letter [3]

A motivational letter should not be used to related your personal background. That is not the purpose of this letter and opening it with such personal information will invalidated your letter. You should be discussing the motivations for your application based upon your past and present professional endeavors. Discuss the difficulties you have experienced on the job as it relates to a lack of theoretical or practical exposure during your college years. You should focus on the seminars and trainings you have attended which have helped to improve your work skills, but still fall short of the actual job requirements or your career goals. Do not base your application DEI information because your gender has nothing to do with whether you will be admitted to the program or not. Your motivational letter should focus on your merits and nothing more. Your plans for your future career and upon your return to your workplace after completing the course should greatly factor into this letter.

Writing Feedback / Export destinations of Vietnam's garment and textile industry [2]

The report is not maximizing the word count allowance to reach a more impressive final score. The simplicity of 158 words means only basic scores can be achieved when the essay may be qualified for a higher score with more words written. The ideal presentation is at least 175 word, but not more than 200 words. I believe that this essay has the potential to achieve that ability. The paragraphs feel under developed and rushed. Use a more intermediate method of English sentence presentation to achieve mid-range scoring considerations. The paragraphs should have at least 3 sentences in them, 5 being the more advised maximum count. It is important to write more, but not overwrite in the task 1 essay to show off your observation, comprehension, and explanation skills.

Research Papers / The Road to a Healthier Country [3]

The information provided in the research does not consider the changes that the current secretary of human health and services has been trying to implement. Your paper would be far more effective if you include the observations and possible solutions suggested by RFK Jr. in terms of taking steps to make the country healthier. It is important to include these statements from him and his department to show that the government is trying to address the issue in a manner that is more applicable and doable under the current social and political system. It is important to highlight that the current government is trying to provide solutions to the healthcare problem by using an inclusive system of solutions.

Writing Feedback / Excessive social media use causing anxiety and depression in teens [3]


It is academically unacceptable to open your introduction with a quote from another person. You may use this as a stand alone hook , in the form of a single sentence, but it should not be used as a part of the introduction paragraph. It would be better if you do not use a quote to open the paper. It would be more acceptable if you use your own thoughts and opinions in this paragraph instead since that is the purpose of the introduction. It should allow the reader to understand your opinion and reasons for having an interest in presenting this research paper. Personal insight is always best.

Do not make it a habit to always open your paragraphs with citations. The citations need to be a part of an ongoing discussion and should only offer additional authoritative information. It should not be the discussion basis of the paragraph.

Research Papers / Profits Over People: How Corporate Lobbying Endangers Public Health and the Environment [2]

The introduction is good. It effectively portrays an explanation of what lobbying it all about and it gives a solid idea of the aftermath of the practices. However, it does not give an idea of what the writer hopes to accomplish by discussing this argument. What is the proposed solution to lobbying? How can lobbying be ended? That is should have been the segue into the argumentative paragraphs. You need to properly summarize the introduction to show the flow of the discussion. That means, including the reform discussion topic in the introduction. Aside from the researched solutions, how would you resolve the problem if given a chance? It does not matter if it is a creative but impossible solution, as long as you present a personal opinion in the process of the discussion.

Research Papers / The issues of homelessness and drug use - research paper [3]

The research paper feels more like a series of thesis statements rather than a developing research and opinion paper. It lacks the proper information build up to the introduction of Clean Streets. Making the suggestion something that just came out of the blue rather than an integral part of the solution to the homelessness problem. Why would offering a safe place to shower help to address the problem of homelessness? I can understand the drug use part but why just showering can help to solve the homelessness situation. I think you need to do some more research to address that aspect of the presentation. That way you will truly be discussing a solution that addresses both homelessness and drug use.

Undergraduate / ECE or CE University of Washington Transfer Personal Statement [3]

The main problem that I see with this transfer essay is that you focused solely on the optional portion, rather than creating a comprehensive statement that follows all of the prompt requirements. There is too heavy a focus on DEI in the essay, which should only be a small reference, rather than the highlight of the application. There is not enough academic background presented to warrant a consideration as a transfer student. Where is the academic evolution? The reasons that made you consider transferring schools? This sounds more like a freshman application essay than a transfer student essay. I would have like to have seen more of an academic evolution in your presentation rather than a focus solely on the optional part of the prompts.