Jasmen156
Nov 30, 2016
Undergraduate / Anecdote for Essay: ( Which one are you Again?) Memoirs of an Identical Twin [3]
Which one are you Again? is the title of my overall essay. I am including a story in my essay, but i would like some criticism and corrections on it, so i can improve it. The essay prompt is:
"What was the environment in which you were raised? Describe your family, home, neighborhood, or community, and explain how it has shaped you as a person."
Here is the story:
" In second grade my sister and I decided to try out our own social experiment. The participants, unbeknownst to them, included our classmates and teachers. We decided to switch classes to see how our classmates would react. So that morning instead of lining up behind my class, I nervously lined up behind my sister's class. The results were shockingly boring. No one seemed to be able to notice our scheme, not even the teacher when I had to sit down with her during a one-on-one phonics reading. I was hoping for some unease to set in as my sister's classmates slowly discovered I was an imposter. By the end of the day, we have gotten away with it. We went home with our little secret. Knowing that my best friends couldn't differentiate between me or my sister bothered me. I wasn't my own person, I had to share my identity with another. That realization was the blossoming of my tendency to go out and experience things on my own. "
I am not quite sure where i should incorporate this in my essay, but i know i would like to include it. Thank you so much in advance for taking the time to help me out.
Which one are you Again? is the title of my overall essay. I am including a story in my essay, but i would like some criticism and corrections on it, so i can improve it. The essay prompt is:
"What was the environment in which you were raised? Describe your family, home, neighborhood, or community, and explain how it has shaped you as a person."
Here is the story:
" In second grade my sister and I decided to try out our own social experiment. The participants, unbeknownst to them, included our classmates and teachers. We decided to switch classes to see how our classmates would react. So that morning instead of lining up behind my class, I nervously lined up behind my sister's class. The results were shockingly boring. No one seemed to be able to notice our scheme, not even the teacher when I had to sit down with her during a one-on-one phonics reading. I was hoping for some unease to set in as my sister's classmates slowly discovered I was an imposter. By the end of the day, we have gotten away with it. We went home with our little secret. Knowing that my best friends couldn't differentiate between me or my sister bothered me. I wasn't my own person, I had to share my identity with another. That realization was the blossoming of my tendency to go out and experience things on my own. "
I am not quite sure where i should incorporate this in my essay, but i know i would like to include it. Thank you so much in advance for taking the time to help me out.