Graduate / My idea about petroleum. Personal Statement for Graduate Admission [8]

Thank you very much for the critical review, just that I've already submitted the document before finding out about this site...
Also, it was after the submission that I got a copy of the instruction for writing the personal statement for the university, that was possibly the reason I didn't dwell on other aspects of my interest....

Thanks and sure will put those suggestions in subsequent applications.

Graduate / My idea about petroleum. Personal Statement for Graduate Admission [8]

Please help review this for subsequent applications, based on same instruction.
Thanks

Having had a wonderful and enthralling experience while studying in one of the top public universities in Nigeria, though full of its own peculiarities and inherent challenges, I developed a strong desire of getting more out of life and a zeal to give back to the society, especially that which moulded me.

So, an opportunity to experience a different style of world-class education in a multicultural world will enable me to see a side of my major that I may not have been exposed to here in my home country. Also, it will help me gain valuable life experience while organizing my life, ability to be independent and self-sufficient which are extremely useful to my future employers and my society at large.

Furthermore, my choice for study in Britain stems from the knowledge that higher education and qualifications in Britain have a very impressive international reputation, as students are encouraged to develop their potential while enjoying a full social life. Also, the cultural diversity of life in British higher education is unrivalled as it has a good history of welcoming international students. This opportunity will also help me further develop excellent language skills as the English Language is of great value in today's business world.

As an individual whose goal is to develop and become better; meeting new people, gaining new knowledge, exploring and impacting my world are all priorities that interests me. My extra-curricular activities include; watching football and playing football during leisure, reading literatures (having read over fifteen personal development books in recent years), surfing the internet, listening and singing good music. I am also an assuring and outgoing personality that exudes diligence in all I that I do.

Also, having just concluded the compulsory one-year national service in my home country, I had the opportunity to give back to the society while meeting the needs of others through community service activities which include; conducting orientation programmes to junior schools about environmental concerns. I also had the privilege to have occupied a leadership position to serve as liaison officer for over 100 corps members, thereby learning, leading and helping others to meet and exceed objectives and goals.

I would also state that my academic performance was at the lowest in my first year, though above average, but improved tremendously in every other year which I found out was due to a renewed sense of commitment and obligation to my success and that of others.

Finally, my utmost desire and zeal as I hope to become a career-focused professional with an enthusiasm for learning is to give back to the society. This, I am certain can be best achieved by learning which inspired my choice for the University of Manchester, which over the years have employed a problem-based approach to learning that helps to inspire critical and creative thinking even outside the studies to broaden experience and develop new skills.

Graduate / My idea about petroleum. Personal Statement for Graduate Admission [8]

I have inputted the suggestions.
Please help review again and possibly highlight the unnecessary points as it is longer than the required length of 500words.

STATEMENT OF PURPOSE
Having had a wonderful and enthralling experience while studying in one of the top public universities in Nigeria, though full of its own peculiarities and inherent challenges, I developed a strong desire of getting more out of life and a zeal to give back to society, especially that which molded me.

So, my choice for study in Britain stems from the knowledge that higher education and qualifications in Britain have a very impressive international reputation, as students are encouraged to develop their potential while enjoying a full social life. The cultural diversity of life in British higher education is unrivalled as it has a good history of welcoming international students. This opportunity will also help me further develop excellent language skills as the English language is of great value in today's business world.

Therefore, an opportunity to experience a different style of world-class education in a multicultural world will enable me to see a side of my major that I may not have been exposed to here in my home country. It will also enable me to experience different teaching strategies and more practical hands-on experience that may not be readily available in my home country.

Also, as an individual whose goal is to develop and become better; meeting new people, gaining new knowledge, exploring and impacting my world are all priorities that interest me. Through my undergraduate studies, I volunteered as a Mathematics and Physics tutor to juniors. This gave me the privilege to help tackle their challenges,monitor their progress and provide guidance to facilitate achieving success. This is due to my interest in helping others out as I had various occasions when I spend the whole night teaching others and in the process, getting new and improved understanding of concepts.

I was also involved in different student organizations which I offered myself to serve in different positions in my faculty, department and even a member of my department's Technical Interest Group and Quiz committee.

Also, having just concluded the compulsory one-year national service in my home country, I have had the opportunity to give back to society while meeting the needs of others through community service activities which include; conducting orientation programmes to junior schools about environmental concerns, donating sanitation materials to public schools. I also had the privilege to have occupied a leadership position to serve as liaison officer for over 100 corps members, thereby learning, leading and helping others to meet and exceed objectives and goals.

I would also state that my academic performance was at the lowest in my first year, though above average. This was primarily because I was young and naive at that time and could not really understand the significance of taking general and elementary courses which were the majority I offered for my first year. I became a bit distracted and involved myself in too many activities; organizing cultural events, deep involvement in student politics and so on, which had little or no impact on my academics. I learned from my mistakes and created a balance for myself while giving room for activities thatimproved my academic, mental and social wellbeing. This improved my grades tremendously and eventually graduated as the fourth best student in my class.

Finally, my utmost desire and zeal as I hope to become a career-focused professional with an enthusiasm for learning is to give back to society. This, I am certain can be best achieved by learning which inspired my choice for the University of XXXXX, which over the years have employed a problem-based approach to learning that helps to inspire critical and creative thinking even outside the studies to broaden experience and develop new skills.