efesach
Sep 26, 2009
Undergraduate / Very rough, very cliche essay (significant experience). Common App [16]
Hi people, I just want to say that I'm so glad I found this forum. :)
Anyway, I just finished my rough draft. I know it's sort of late, but.. I am a master procrastinator.
Here's a quick background story of me before reading my VERY rough essay.
I go to a top 50 high school in America, and my GPA freshmen year was ~3.2 before pulling it up to a 4.0 for both my sophomore and junior years. Yay upward trend!
Ok so, please murder this essay! Do you think I should stick with it or scrap it and write a completely new one? Is it too cliche? (it's all true though) Do I have too much dry humor? I really need a lot of feedback. Thanks a lot!
edit: I'm also applying to Michigan, and I was wondering if this would quality as the setback essay? Thanks!
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1. Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
I am a genius. Success follows me like my shadow, never leaving my side. Am I the voice of the generation, of the decade? Probably not there yet. But a genius nevertheless.
That was my mindset entering high school. So naturally, I took it easy on my first day of class.
"I heard this course is crazy hard," said a worried student.
"Not only that, but the teacher gives insane pop quizzes!" quipped another.
I yawned. In my mind I was still in eighth grade, where I piled up "A's" without much effort and graduated at the top of my class. The bell rang, and my teacher began by expressing to us the importance of dedication and a strong work ethic. Uninterested, I started twirling my pencil while daydreaming about the football game later that night. As class ended, the teacher yelled out, "Remember to take time and study all your notes, everyday!" Yeah, like that was going to happen.
After the first weekend, the teacher announced a pop quiz. The quiz seemed straightforward, yet as hard as I tried, the answers to these routine questions would not form themselves in my head. I managed to escape with a barely-passing grade, and shrugged if off as a fluke. Even Superman makes mistakes once in a while.
I rode my wave of indolence for the next few weeks, where my grades hovered around mediocrity. I stubbornly convinced myself high school was no different from middle school, my grades would revert back to perfection [excellence?], and I would reclaim my academic supremacy.
Then came the gust of wind I always knew, deep down, was imminent; the one that tossed me mockingly in the air a few times before slamming me back down to earth, and perhaps a bit beneath it. I do not remember the exact situation - four tests in one day, seven tests in two days, but I do remember the results: a slew of horrific grades what would make Bart Simpson proud.
I was devastated, my ego shattered. My adrenal glands bled epinephrine as I received one lousy score after another. I contemplated dropping out of [my school] and transferring into a less competitive school. I wondered if a loophole existed where I could retake my freshmen year. Maybe I could drop out and get a job at the local Shell station - seven bucks an hour, forty hours a week, four weeks a month, twelve month a year for four years. That was a solid fifty grand while others were busy pulling all-nighters finishing homework. But I knew my parents would never allow it.
Lost, I stumbled home and found my mother making dinner in the kitchen. Quiet and defeated, I conveyed my situation, pleading for guidance and desperate for forgiveness. I watched the onion soup simmering over the stove and waited for the inevitable outburst. After a moment, my mother looked at me thoughtfully and said, "You know, someday you will learn that I.Q. measures limitation, while hard work creates the limitless."
The way my mother delivered those words gave me hope that day, and those words carried a philosophy I will hold onto for the rest of my life. We live in a judging world, and I understand that wherever I go in life, people will deem me smarter or dumber than others. But I also understand that such evaluations are meaningless, that they only create inferiority complexes. That day, I began to realize what really creates success. It is waking up early to prepare for a presentation, or taking a few minutes to help out a friend. It is staying up past midnight to study for a chemistry test, or swimming extra laps to prepare for a meet. It is something I have been pushing onto myself ever since.
Hi people, I just want to say that I'm so glad I found this forum. :)
Anyway, I just finished my rough draft. I know it's sort of late, but.. I am a master procrastinator.
Here's a quick background story of me before reading my VERY rough essay.
I go to a top 50 high school in America, and my GPA freshmen year was ~3.2 before pulling it up to a 4.0 for both my sophomore and junior years. Yay upward trend!
Ok so, please murder this essay! Do you think I should stick with it or scrap it and write a completely new one? Is it too cliche? (it's all true though) Do I have too much dry humor? I really need a lot of feedback. Thanks a lot!
edit: I'm also applying to Michigan, and I was wondering if this would quality as the setback essay? Thanks!
-------
1. Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
I am a genius. Success follows me like my shadow, never leaving my side. Am I the voice of the generation, of the decade? Probably not there yet. But a genius nevertheless.
That was my mindset entering high school. So naturally, I took it easy on my first day of class.
"I heard this course is crazy hard," said a worried student.
"Not only that, but the teacher gives insane pop quizzes!" quipped another.
I yawned. In my mind I was still in eighth grade, where I piled up "A's" without much effort and graduated at the top of my class. The bell rang, and my teacher began by expressing to us the importance of dedication and a strong work ethic. Uninterested, I started twirling my pencil while daydreaming about the football game later that night. As class ended, the teacher yelled out, "Remember to take time and study all your notes, everyday!" Yeah, like that was going to happen.
After the first weekend, the teacher announced a pop quiz. The quiz seemed straightforward, yet as hard as I tried, the answers to these routine questions would not form themselves in my head. I managed to escape with a barely-passing grade, and shrugged if off as a fluke. Even Superman makes mistakes once in a while.
I rode my wave of indolence for the next few weeks, where my grades hovered around mediocrity. I stubbornly convinced myself high school was no different from middle school, my grades would revert back to perfection [excellence?], and I would reclaim my academic supremacy.
Then came the gust of wind I always knew, deep down, was imminent; the one that tossed me mockingly in the air a few times before slamming me back down to earth, and perhaps a bit beneath it. I do not remember the exact situation - four tests in one day, seven tests in two days, but I do remember the results: a slew of horrific grades what would make Bart Simpson proud.
I was devastated, my ego shattered. My adrenal glands bled epinephrine as I received one lousy score after another. I contemplated dropping out of [my school] and transferring into a less competitive school. I wondered if a loophole existed where I could retake my freshmen year. Maybe I could drop out and get a job at the local Shell station - seven bucks an hour, forty hours a week, four weeks a month, twelve month a year for four years. That was a solid fifty grand while others were busy pulling all-nighters finishing homework. But I knew my parents would never allow it.
Lost, I stumbled home and found my mother making dinner in the kitchen. Quiet and defeated, I conveyed my situation, pleading for guidance and desperate for forgiveness. I watched the onion soup simmering over the stove and waited for the inevitable outburst. After a moment, my mother looked at me thoughtfully and said, "You know, someday you will learn that I.Q. measures limitation, while hard work creates the limitless."
The way my mother delivered those words gave me hope that day, and those words carried a philosophy I will hold onto for the rest of my life. We live in a judging world, and I understand that wherever I go in life, people will deem me smarter or dumber than others. But I also understand that such evaluations are meaningless, that they only create inferiority complexes. That day, I began to realize what really creates success. It is waking up early to prepare for a presentation, or taking a few minutes to help out a friend. It is staying up past midnight to study for a chemistry test, or swimming extra laps to prepare for a meet. It is something I have been pushing onto myself ever since.