Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by Himyfr
Name: Uyen
Joined: May 5, 2021
Last Post: May 5, 2021
Threads: 1
Posts: 1  
From: Viet Nam

Displayed posts: 2
sort: Oldest first   Latest first  | 
Himyfr   
May 5, 2021
Writing Feedback / The proportion of online sales in four types of products and services in Canada [2]

online shopping sales (retail sectors)



The two pie chart illustrate the proportion of online sales in four types of products and services in Canada during the 5-year period.
Overall, is it clear that Electronics and appliance was the largest segment in 2005, but the first rank was replaced by Food and Beverage in the year 2010. The online earning from Food and beverage and video games increased, while that of electronics and appliances and home furnishings declined over the period shown.

In 2005, 35% of the total selling was Electronic and Appliances, followed by Home furnishings sector, at a quarter. Both retailers witnessed a moderate fall by 5% and 10% in Electronic and appliances and Home furnishings respectively at the end of the period.

On the other hand, Food and beverage sectors accounted for 22% in2005, and there was a dramatic rise to 32% in 2010. A similar pattern was seen in video games, with the figure increasing by 5% in 2010.

This is task 1 of Ielts writing done by me. Please help me correct mistakes if I am wrong somewhere. I am happy to listen from you. Thank you very much!



  • FB4A1E73DA3644B0B.png
Himyfr   
May 5, 2021
Writing Feedback / Different proportions of energy production sources in two years 1995 and 2005. [3]

You used the words 'account for' too much. I think you should use other phrases like make up, constitute, contribute...

There may be a wrong thing here:
the second-largest percentage was accounted for by share belonged to Gas (I suggest that because I think it sounds more sense)

they were still 2 sources => the two remaining sectors made up...
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳