Writing Feedback / My IELTS writing task 2 with topic about online studying and working [2]

[Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible.

Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

These days, with the development of new tech, a large number of individuals could access to the internet, which helps them to learn and work from home rather than going to the offices. Furthermore, more students begin to learn from home. In this essay, I will exmaine pros and cons of studying and working online before express my opinion whether this trend is a positive or negative improvement.

On the one hand, working and learning from home provides many advantage for adults and children. Firstly, they could have more time to spend with their family. In this day and age, not only city children could go to school, but also do suburban or rural area's students, which is also true for workers. However, it would cost much money and time to travel to school, or work every day, which make the children, and adults to live in a different environment. Therefore, studying and working at home can help them save more time for their relatives. Moreover, this trends can also help people save money since they do not have travel much, which reduce the cost of travelling.

On the other hand, this tendency can also cause disadvantages. The most common downside is lack of discipline, which negatively impact to the performance of a specific human. Since children and adults start studying and working from home, there will less concentrate on the lesson as there are many distraction, such as games, which is the most common distraction. Thereby, it will lead to worse performance compare to other who study directly at school. Another drawbacks is fewer friend because children can only make friends when they meet and play or study together. Meanwhile, online studying is more likely to be personal, thus they may have less friends, which can lead them to autism.

In conclusion, although there are both benefits and disadvantages of studying and working online, I believe that this trends brings less goods than harms since it negatively influence people's health, while the only benefit of it is saving time and money.

Writing Feedback / Equality in governments and politics (IELTS WRITING TASK 2) [2]

Topic: Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country's police force or military force, such as the army, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some individuals are of the opinion that women should have similar equality to men in a particular nation's force, such as police or military. However, others believe women are not compatible with these occupations. Even though both schools of thought hold merits, I agree more with the former opinions due to various reasons that will be explained in this essay.

On the one hand, there are numerous rationales that persuade women should have equal role as men in police or military force. Given the increasing popularity of equality, women can take schools, classes or working in same jobs as men. In many countries, not only can women participate in sports or office works, but also heavy industries and even politics, such as police and military force. Therefore, it is true that women should play an equal rights as men in a certain nation.

Opponents of the previous view, on the other hand, are in belief that women are unsuitable for those kinds of jobs. Because women have noticeable disparities with men in strength and intelligence, they are believed to have difficulties in doing heavy or high-intensity occupations. Meanwhile, police force and military have many requirements about strength and intelligence, which is likely more suitable for men, who are born naturally stronger than women. Thus, women are incompatible with these jobs.

To conclude, despite the mixed opinions whether women should work in police and military force or not, I believe that they should have a similar role as men and can join in those labor forces. Although women lack of strength and intelligence compared to those men, they could address by taking proper training from schools and classes.

I'm preparing for my examination. Here is my essay. Please give feedbacks
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