Scholarship / Mechanical Engineering - Statement for Study loan [2]

Prompt: In 100 words or more, state why you choose this course of study and why you believe you are suited for it.
please help spot any bad hooks or conclusions in this essay thank you guys

During my secondary years, I couldn't find any interest in any subject, and I was ushered into the science stream with zero career goals. Though I still managed to achieve good grades, I felt unfulfilled, lacking the sense of accomplishment that could only ever come from pursuing something meaningful. I wasted most of my time playing many different games, and ironically, it was Minecraft that helped me discover my passion. While playing with friends, I began building automatic machines that farmed resources efficiently - this eventually became much deeper for me. I felt such pride in providing and serving my friends and I was finally contributing some real value.
I fell in love with creating systems, complex problem-solving, and innovating for a positive impact. This experience gave me the drive I had been missing and has led me to pursue engineering. I believe that I am made for this field as I enjoy working with technology while working well with teams. Likewise, UNM's Mechanical Engineering program will help me hone my skills, breaking boundaries to develop sustainable, meaningful solutions that can improve the lives of others.

Scholarship / Clean technology and sustainable innovation - Statements for Study loan [2]

Prompt: In 150 words or more, state your financial and family situation and why you deserve to be offered this study loan.
Please tell me how i can improve this

My background is from a humble family where the number one challenge has always been financial stability. My mother and father work hard to provide for the household, however they can only adequately cover our daily living expenses, bills, and the education of my siblings with their combined income. As the costs of living rise, it has become increasingly hard for my family to support the full cost of my higher education. I even had to pick up a side job doing Lalamove parcel deliveries for extra pocket money. I know that once I continue pursuing my studies without additional financial assistance, it would place a heavy burden on them.

I believe I deserve this study loan as I am determined to make use of this opportunity to its fullest. Though I have always been committed to my studies, I am even more motivated to excel in engineering to achieve my personal long-term goals of creating and contributing to clean technology and sustainable innovation. If I am entrusted to receive this loan, I'd be able to completely focus on my education and further develop the beginning of my engineering career without worrying about financial pressure, while striving to repay the trust placed in me through persistence and commitment to my craft.