Research Papers / Human Condition in India - Pitzer essay [3]

hello! im trying to write an essay for pitzer college. its for their fly in program but their common app supplemental essay is the same theme. i would really appreciate any and all feedback on how to improve this! im hoping that its clear in what its trying to describe (how i align with their core values of intercultural learning and social responsibility). thank you so much!! :)

Reflecting on your involvement throughout high school or within the community, how have you engaged with one or more of Pitzer's core values? (650 words)

I'm awakened on a random weekday by the sounds of birds, the wind, and a dog barking across the street. Yesterday I visited a store filled with artisan crafts and handmade toys, and today, I have a long, tiring road trip ahead of me.
Without added context, this is a typical morning for me in my rural hometown. However, I'm 12,000 kilometers away from home in India: I've been here for 2 weeks, and I am expected to stay for a full month. 8 hours later, and I have made it through the bumpy cliffside roads and unbearable heat. Agora, a remote village high in the Himalayas, is where I will spend the latter half of my trip.
When my Mom asked me why I wanted to go to India, I wasn't exactly sure why. I had never left the country nor been on a plane ride longer than 2 hours. People tried to tell me it was a bad idea: It wasn't a 'vacation', it would probably smell, and I wouldn't like it because of how different it was.
Well, it wasn't a vacation; it was a culture exchange between myself and the state of Uttarakhand. And different? Most days, I couldn't tell the difference between there and home. Agora was a peaceful hideaway surrounded by lush forests, paths that led to crystal clear waterfalls, and views of snow-topped mountains. Just like my hometown, the nearest city was at least an hour away. Connection with the outside world was spotty, although, to be fair, I wasn't finding cows in my room.
However, this experience was really about the people. I didn't know why I wanted to go, but in retrospect, I realized it was because I wanted to learn more about others unlike me. Instead of letting myself inherit the prejudices that so many people in my area carry, I put myself out there and made an effort to experience the lives of others.
In Agora, I learned to plow fields full of thorn bushes and help build roofs without a shared language. Much like my hometown, the focus was primarily on labor- the experiences and the 'hard work of men'. At home, a patriarchal society was the norm as well. "Act like a man", "get over it," were common phrases in my house from my Dad. I can't say I heard the same phrases in Hindi, but looking into the faces of both the men and women, something was being said that I didn't understand. I felt this same unwavering presence when my Mom shared a room with my Dad: Seeing them argue, her cry, her telling me to leave the room. I can imagine when the men of the village left, some women may feel the same peace of mind my Mom had when he walked away.
I filled my days in the village to the best of my ability. The more time I spent with the women, the more I learned their stories, and watched as they ended up putting as much effort into their work, if not more, than the men. In comparison, my Mom would always be the first to step up to the plate. The only one to show up to every event, to take us places, to educate and care for us. And when my Dad left, he still claimed to have done all the work.
I came to India initially to see something outside of myself, and ended up realizing how universal the human experience is. After this revelation, I feel I can connect with Pitzer's values of social responsibility and intercultural understanding, and would love to attend the program to continue witnessing the many manifestations of the universal human condition. At Preview Pitzer, I hope to discuss with others the views we hold in common, and where we differ, as social responsibility and understanding shows no age or geographical difference.

Undergraduate / Fordham essay on contributing to a community [2]

Hello! I am looking for advice or general comments on my supplemental essay for Fordham. This is the prompt:

Fordham, as a Jesuit university, recognizes the dignity, uniqueness and potential of each person. A Fordham education is student-centered and rooted in close collaboration among students, faculty, and staff. Describe how you would contribute to our campus community as an actively engaged learner and leader. Specifically draw on your personal story, identity, experiences, strengths, and perspectives (300 words).

my summary is like this: i appriciate human dignity, especially since i grew up in a rural area. i saw prejudice/injustice through a racist symbol, and it effected me and how i thought about my community. i did rigorous thinking on it and instead of fighting with something i couldnt, i focused my attention to bettering my community directly, specifically through student groups and on-campus organizations, becoming a leader. in conclusion, i learned that while i cant change everyone's minds, i can still create healthy discussion and support those effected by marginalization.

"Human dignity is a value I hold very dear to my heart- I came to this realization quickly while growing up in rural Virginia.
Each morning, I drive by a house flying a Confederate flag. Soaring 50 feet in the air, supported by heavy-duty concrete, it appears larger than life. Seeing it brings me shame: shame that my community embraces such a deep-rooted symbol of hate, and that, because I'm from here, others may see it as representing me, too.
Rather than focusing on the flag's existence, I instead redirected my attention to those affected by prejudice, instead of those spreading it. At my international school, I listened to students from various backgrounds share their discomfort with the flag. Many of them, especially those from outside the U.S., expressed that they felt alienated, especially when local students portrayed it as a non-issue. With half of my classmates being local and the other half international, there was clearly a divide, and yet, it inspired me to be a mediator for both to be heard and supported.
With this, I sought leadership roles that would bring together both groups of students. I joined my school's Unity Council, where I worked alongside other student leaders to organize events that encourage diversity and school-wide understanding of different backgrounds.
Additionally, I became a director in a youth-in-policy group, teaching civic literacy to an international audience. Both these experiences taught me ways to promote respect and friendship across diverse cultural, racial, and religious groups, even when perspectives differ.
Dignity is an inherent right- whether I understand or agree with different perspectives. My goal is to further educate myself and others, bringing people together while also acknowledging the offensiveness that certain opinions carry. I believe Fordham's guidance will help me become a more intellectually curious, connected person."