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Dec 21, 2009
Writing Feedback / How computers have affected the way we work today vs. 100 years ago - CLEP [3]
I have to take the English Clep Composition Exam and try to do some essay practice writing. Would you be able to read through the essay below and tell me if that would meet the Clep requirements and in what areas I should still improve?
Thank you so much for your time, I really appreciate it.
How computers have affected the way we work today vs. 100 years ago
This essay will attempt to describe how computers have affected the way we work today versus 100 years ago. Today, it is hardly thinkable of a field that is absent of the influence of computer applications, particularly in the medicine, banking, office, and education world.
Health informatics have become an increasingly relied method and are primarily used to acquire, store and receive information. It helps to keep patients record accurately and that enables sharing important information amongst specialists in order to give the patient the best treatment possible. To communicate amongst and between medical facilities and professors, helps to retrieve current information regarding treatment methods for certain disorders. Teamwork allows doctors and researchers to use their precious time to find new breakthroughs in fighting diseases.
Computers are widely used in the bank industry, from simple to complex tasks and have revolutionised the whole system. All data are nowadays stored on computers and have replaced the manual records. Customers are able to make financial transactions such as withdrawals, deposits, transfers and check cashing themselves with the computer machines provided in every bank or with online banking. This cuts down the host of intermediaries, paperwork and time involved for efficient execution of transactions.
Computers in the office world have become a necessity and an aid tool in many different aspects. Work is done at a much faster pace and it is possible to change and adapt written work simultaneously whilst proof reading. Often, written letters can be reused by just adding or adapting a few words or sentences. In addition, the internet has enabled us to correspondent via email and to track information quickly and easily. Money and travelling time can be saved by holding conferences, visual lectures, forums, etc. online. Computers have opened the business world tremendously; they have made it possible to be in contact with the whole world.
The educational system has as well been greatly affected by computers. Children are exposed at a young age to the computer world and that has forced the schools to adapt. In a lot of schools the traditional blackboard has been exchanged with an interactive whiteboard that makes learning much more fun and creative. Written school work such as worksheets, book reports, etc. are nowadays all written with the computer and neatly presented. Previously student spent hours in the library reading and copying from books, today they can easily download the needed information from the internet. Computers also supplies useful research information that teachers can adapt in the classroom.
In conclusion I believe that computers have definitely changed our lifestyle and turned into a necessary tool in our every day life. However, we have to be careful that we stay in charge of the computer and not the other way around.
I have to take the English Clep Composition Exam and try to do some essay practice writing. Would you be able to read through the essay below and tell me if that would meet the Clep requirements and in what areas I should still improve?
Thank you so much for your time, I really appreciate it.
How computers have affected the way we work today vs. 100 years ago
This essay will attempt to describe how computers have affected the way we work today versus 100 years ago. Today, it is hardly thinkable of a field that is absent of the influence of computer applications, particularly in the medicine, banking, office, and education world.
Health informatics have become an increasingly relied method and are primarily used to acquire, store and receive information. It helps to keep patients record accurately and that enables sharing important information amongst specialists in order to give the patient the best treatment possible. To communicate amongst and between medical facilities and professors, helps to retrieve current information regarding treatment methods for certain disorders. Teamwork allows doctors and researchers to use their precious time to find new breakthroughs in fighting diseases.
Computers are widely used in the bank industry, from simple to complex tasks and have revolutionised the whole system. All data are nowadays stored on computers and have replaced the manual records. Customers are able to make financial transactions such as withdrawals, deposits, transfers and check cashing themselves with the computer machines provided in every bank or with online banking. This cuts down the host of intermediaries, paperwork and time involved for efficient execution of transactions.
Computers in the office world have become a necessity and an aid tool in many different aspects. Work is done at a much faster pace and it is possible to change and adapt written work simultaneously whilst proof reading. Often, written letters can be reused by just adding or adapting a few words or sentences. In addition, the internet has enabled us to correspondent via email and to track information quickly and easily. Money and travelling time can be saved by holding conferences, visual lectures, forums, etc. online. Computers have opened the business world tremendously; they have made it possible to be in contact with the whole world.
The educational system has as well been greatly affected by computers. Children are exposed at a young age to the computer world and that has forced the schools to adapt. In a lot of schools the traditional blackboard has been exchanged with an interactive whiteboard that makes learning much more fun and creative. Written school work such as worksheets, book reports, etc. are nowadays all written with the computer and neatly presented. Previously student spent hours in the library reading and copying from books, today they can easily download the needed information from the internet. Computers also supplies useful research information that teachers can adapt in the classroom.
In conclusion I believe that computers have definitely changed our lifestyle and turned into a necessary tool in our every day life. However, we have to be careful that we stay in charge of the computer and not the other way around.