Undergraduate / making a successful musical - my additional information for uva [4]

actually i am planning to major in chemistry
but i am also interested in music
so i just wrote my additional information for music
also one of my supplemental essay is about music as well
i have one more additional information here

Being an international student has been a very precious experience in my life. I am very grateful for starting everything anew in another country. In 2006 I moved to the United States from my home country of Korea; this move has changed everything in my life. It was very daunting transitioning from the ninth grade in Korea to my freshman year of high school in a language I barely knew. Moving to a new country, learning a new language and having to demonstrate proficiency in advanced classes in high school has been the most challenging obstacle in my life. Through all of the hard work and struggle, I proved to myself that I am capable of reaching my goals.

In the future, I plan to be a pharmacist. In my mind I see patients' smiling faces after they get better through the medicines I make for them. I want to help people live lives free of disease and illness. I am ready to learn about medicine and help people around the world. I hope people can achieve health and happiness through my help.

could you tell me which one sounds better for my additional information
if i have to post new one, I will delete this
thank you so much