Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by usfbullie
Joined: Mar 11, 2010
Last Post: Mar 12, 2010
Threads: 1
Posts: 2  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 3
sort: Oldest first   Latest first  | 
usfbullie   
Mar 12, 2010
Writing Feedback / "It is the artist, not the critic," GRE ISSUE144 [4]

Hi, good essay. I saw two minor things for you to consider that may help the reader make more sense of the points you are making. :)

"However, when we emphasize the effect of artists, we should not put away another side, the critics."

For this sentence, it looks like "the critics" was just tacked onto the end of the sentence. I would recommend something like...However, when we emphasize the effect of artists, we should not put away the side of the critics.

"Another Italian artist, Michelangelo, spread the idea of rebirth, the central thought of Renaissance, by David, the sculpture which expressed the tension on the impending war."

This sentence does not flow from your point on Michelangelo to David.
Perhaps: Another Italian artist, Michelangelo, spread the idea of rebirth, the central thought of Renaissance. David (David who?), created the sculpture which expressed the tension on the impending war.
usfbullie   
Mar 12, 2010
Undergraduate / To challenge oneself and take risks, common application/reasons for transferring [2]

Hey,

Here are a few points that may be helpful.

-USFBullie

Version 1

"One day, I went to see a professor because I had a new idea for the community service project."

As a reader, I am curious as to what project. Introduce the project or change the sentence to say "...new idea for A community service project."

"He told me when the curriculum is done, and then I can do my project."
I would reword this sentence because it is not clear. Perhaps... Once the curriculum was completed, the instructor informed me that I could do my project.

Provide an introduction for the reader to understand which University you currently attend and the school to which this essay is intended. Also, include what the service project is and what is it for.

Version 2

"One could object there are historical figures that have risen up despite their surroundings, but Russell Crowe indeed moved to Hollywood to become an Oscar-winning actor, not in other country."

The end of the sentence does not flow.
usfbullie   
Mar 12, 2010
Undergraduate / Peace Corps Essays: helping make life better for others [2]

These are my essays that I am submitting to the Peace Corps. I need a fresh set of eyes to look them over and make sure they make sense. Thanks!

1. Current Economy



With the current economy, environmental issues, and poor education systems, I found myself wondering how I can contribute to helping make life better for others. After much research and consideration in how I can truly help others, I have decided to pursue a position with the Peace Corps. I have known of the Peace Corps for many years and I have a tremendous amount of respect for the people who serve in this organization. Also, I share the same beliefs and values of Peace Corp service, for example, working with a local community of a foreign country, in mutual learning and respect.

With my experience in business and education, I am qualified to serve other countries through the Peace Corps categories of Education, Business and Information & Community Technology, and Youth and Community Outreach. These three areas are, also, where I have a passion for helping people. My main reason for pursuing the Peace Corps is to help and educate people with limited resources, so they will, in turn, be able to serve and build their own community more effectively. As a citizen in a nation that leads the world in finances, technology, and so on, I feel that I have a responsibility to reach out to citizens of other nations who are not so fortunate. Reaching out to people of other countries will take my volunteering skills to a global level, to which I am truly excited to do.

Core Expectation # 9 is another reason for my desire to join the Peace Corp. I want to serve my country by spreading a positive outlook of the United States to citizens of other countries. Reciprocally, upon my return home to the U.S., I will be able to teach Americans about the people that live in the country that I served in. Teaching people about each other creates a better understanding of one another, therefore, creating stronger relationships among the people of different countries.

Previously, I have participated in many volunteering activities. As an Eagle Scout, I have been involved in many service opportunities. For example, my troop spent time supporting local charities by hosting canned food drives and a clothing drive. Also, we assisted our host church with any housekeeping projects. While in high school, I participated in Relay-For-Life, a fundraising charity event for the American Cancer Society. Also, in college, I was the Morale Chairperson for the First Annual Dance Marathon. Joining the Peace Corps would allow me to continue to contribute my knowledge to aid others, however, on a larger scale.

Looking forward, serving in the Peace Corps will develop my skills to use upon my return home. I would like to use the skills that I develop from the Peace Corps to join the Department of State as a Foreign Service Officer. My knowledge of serving people in a foreign country, understanding foreign policy, and integrating myself into a foreign culture, in the Peace Corps will assist me in becoming a well-qualified member of the Department of State.

In reviewing the 10 Core Expectations of the Peace Corps, I feel confident in my ability to fulfill them. I am prepared to take my life in a new direction. In doing so, I want to responsibly and respectfully share the skills that I have developed in education and business with others through daily life and work. Also, I want to learn new skills from the community that I will call home. The biggest challenge that I would personally face, is a challenge that many others face in moving to a new place; and that would be adjusting to my new home. However, I am open to moving and adjusting to a new lifestyle despite its large undertaking. To handle this challenge, I will take several steps to make the transition as smooth as possible. First, I will research important aspects of the country, such as, culture and climate. Next, I will actively participate in the training that the Peace Corps provides upon my arrival to the new country. Lastly, I will maintain an open mind as I integrate myself into my new country.

After strong consideration, I am confident that I will make an excellent Peace Corps Volunteer. My reasons for joining the Peace Corps show my desire to help others. My experiences in previous employment and civic activities illustrate that I am qualified to serve. Lastly, my agreement with the 10 Core Expectations confirms that the Peace Corps is an organization that I will serve with confidence.

3. UK and Iceland Travel as a Student



As Boy Scout, I have traveled to the United Kingdom and Iceland twice, each time for three weeks. During my first visit to the United Kingdom, I learned a tremendous amount about submersing myself into a new environment, which made the adjustment to the culture and climate far easier on my second trip to the U.K and Iceland.

The purpose of my first visit was to participate in an International Scouting Jamboree. At the jamboree, hundreds of scouts from all over the world congregated to meet new people from different countries, interact with and develop friendships with each other, and most importantly, learn about each others home country.

Attending the jamboree was definitely a memorable experience. Each troop that was not from the United Kingdom was paired with a troop from Scotland. We spent most of our time with the troop that we where paired with, including daily activities and sharing meals. Being grouped with a troop from Scotland was very helpful, in that we had people our age that helped us to integrate ourselves into the culture of the U.K.

During the last few days of the trip, I stayed with a Scottish family. This was an amazing experience that allowed me to be truly submersed in the Scottish culture. I learned about social norms and roles of each member in the family. The challenge that I faced while staying in Scotland was adjusting to the housing and the food. Houses in Scotland are smaller than what I am used to in the United States. The food encompasses more cabbage, potatoes, carrots, seafood, and beef, prepared differently, than in the United States. In confronting this challenge, I maintained an open mind by sampling all of the new food that I came across. The architecture in Scotland, as well as many parts of the United Kingdom, is to build buildings thin, with several stories. The trouble I had in adjusting to this is that I was not used to the space being arranged amongst several floors; after about two days of living with the Scottish family, though, I found myself rather used to the space.

After learning about different cultures from the jamboree in Scotland, it made for a smoother adjustment to the way of life on my second trip to the U.K., Ireland, and Iceland. I plan on keeping an open mind, using active learning, and applying it to my service in the Peace Corps. Also, I will remember that moving to a new country and adapting me to the new culture takes time, and with the appropriate research, along with the training from the Peace Crops, I will be able adjust to my new home.
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳