Greenbeans
Nov 1, 2010
Undergraduate / Optional, open topic essay: "My first concert and it's signifigance" Feedback? [2]
I'm attending an instant decision day at New Jersey Institute of Technology this weekend and need my essay looked over some. My grades are in between average and below average for the school, I'm hoping an essay will boost my chances. It was an open topic optional essay.
I got out of bed that morning with what could only be described as an effortless stride. I woke up on cloud nine, and I was going to remain there for days, maybe even weeks. It was one of those days you count down until and prepare for weeks ahead of time, even when there's no preparing left to do. The 15 minute drive that morning could be compared to a journey that would take me years to complete, ultimately arriving in a brand new world.
Not soon enough did I arrive at my destination: The Meadowland Sports Complex in East Rutherford, New Jersey. There I would attend my first concert. The concert, which consisted of nine stages and hundreds of guests, provided me with everything I predicted it would. Loud music, a great time, and a ringing in my ears that lasted a few days. It also provided me with something else, something I wasn't expecting that caught me completely off guard. That was an incredibly overwhelming feeling of acceptance.
Before that day, I had never truly known what it felt like to be accepted by every single person that was around you. My friends and I were declared the outcasts from very early on in middle school. The clothes we wore and the music that we listened to classified us in the minds of everybody else as abnormal, which to them was no different than a corpulent insect that must be avoided at all costs. Then I attended this concert, and everything was different for one day. Everybody around me dwelled on the abnormal and appreciated the different. What was even more impressive is that they accepted every bit of the normal and generic as well.
This certainly isn't the first impression I received upon entering the concert. The pink hair on some and the dark clothing donned by others were very misleading. I witnessed some incredibly surprising things that day. Amongst the sardine-packed crowds of myriad breeds of people, falling crowd-surfers are caught by every single one of them and bombarded with the question, "Are you okay?" That genuine kindness was reflected in every person I met that day, regardless of their age, gender, skin color, etc.
This leads me to the conclusion that at such a similar place, years and years ago, is where the renowned saying emerged, "never judge a book by its cover." Such a phrase is the only one that can resonate in my ears longer than the ringing did after that incomparable day. Although not everybody in this world is kind enough and open-hearted to appreciate that motto, I savor the fact that I'm part of a rather unsuspected and unusual group of people who've effortlessly embedded this lesson into their minds.
460 words. Constructive criticism please! By the way, should I add a title? I can't really come up with an appropriate one.
I'm attending an instant decision day at New Jersey Institute of Technology this weekend and need my essay looked over some. My grades are in between average and below average for the school, I'm hoping an essay will boost my chances. It was an open topic optional essay.
I got out of bed that morning with what could only be described as an effortless stride. I woke up on cloud nine, and I was going to remain there for days, maybe even weeks. It was one of those days you count down until and prepare for weeks ahead of time, even when there's no preparing left to do. The 15 minute drive that morning could be compared to a journey that would take me years to complete, ultimately arriving in a brand new world.
Not soon enough did I arrive at my destination: The Meadowland Sports Complex in East Rutherford, New Jersey. There I would attend my first concert. The concert, which consisted of nine stages and hundreds of guests, provided me with everything I predicted it would. Loud music, a great time, and a ringing in my ears that lasted a few days. It also provided me with something else, something I wasn't expecting that caught me completely off guard. That was an incredibly overwhelming feeling of acceptance.
Before that day, I had never truly known what it felt like to be accepted by every single person that was around you. My friends and I were declared the outcasts from very early on in middle school. The clothes we wore and the music that we listened to classified us in the minds of everybody else as abnormal, which to them was no different than a corpulent insect that must be avoided at all costs. Then I attended this concert, and everything was different for one day. Everybody around me dwelled on the abnormal and appreciated the different. What was even more impressive is that they accepted every bit of the normal and generic as well.
This certainly isn't the first impression I received upon entering the concert. The pink hair on some and the dark clothing donned by others were very misleading. I witnessed some incredibly surprising things that day. Amongst the sardine-packed crowds of myriad breeds of people, falling crowd-surfers are caught by every single one of them and bombarded with the question, "Are you okay?" That genuine kindness was reflected in every person I met that day, regardless of their age, gender, skin color, etc.
This leads me to the conclusion that at such a similar place, years and years ago, is where the renowned saying emerged, "never judge a book by its cover." Such a phrase is the only one that can resonate in my ears longer than the ringing did after that incomparable day. Although not everybody in this world is kind enough and open-hearted to appreciate that motto, I savor the fact that I'm part of a rather unsuspected and unusual group of people who've effortlessly embedded this lesson into their minds.
460 words. Constructive criticism please! By the way, should I add a title? I can't really come up with an appropriate one.