lerdlarp
Dec 25, 2010
Undergraduate / "A teenager ventures to a faraway foreign country" - Penn State personal statement [2]
Any help would be highly appreciated.
A teenager ventures to a faraway foreign country on the other side of the hemisphere. He is virtually on his own in an expedition to learn and to shape up his global perspective while most kids at his age are still nurtured by their parents at home.
He is given an opportunity to explore new cultures, to experiment with a new lifestyle and to learn to adapt to different surroundings. Even though this may sound like a typical exciting first week's experience of a university freshman, it was in fact the surreal adventure of my high school years.
I was only fourteen when I boarded the twelve-hour flight from Bangkok to New Zealand. Although it was not my first overseas trip, it was the first time that I would be on my own to live and to study abroad. It was not just an ordinary switch from an old school to a new one in my home town, but a gigantic change in life, moving my entire high school experience to the faraway country.
I was admitted to a well-established public school and was assigned a homestay with a Kiwi family. Foreign students at public schools are not encouraged to stay at the school boarding which mainly takes New Zealanders. Staying with a family, however, is generally resulted in a more caring environment and better cultural learning. The different schooling system was also an eye-opening experience for me although there are more rules and restrictions for foreign students than local kids.
My three valuable years in the completely new surroundings exposes me to various new cultures and experience. I started to make new friends from many different countries. We had opportunities to exchange views and stories from our home countries. One of my friends also went a great length to teach me the Haka, a Māori traditional dance. I had an opportunity to taste the independent life of a university student under a new and diverse environment when I was in the high school.
Life as a high school student in New Zealand permitted me to experience numerous things that I would not have had a chance to do had I continued to stay home with my parents. On the downside, however, living a young life without their constant guidance and caring supervision, I appeared to briefly lose my way. I lost my focus and failed to work hard enough. The shortfall caused my grades to slip for a while before I managed to realize and regain the composure. Having learnt this valuable lesson, I realized that there is no easy way, nor shortcut to achieve my goals unless I am determined and committed to work hard to earn them.
The three-year experience in New Zealand helps me become more mature, preparing me socially and academically for the college life. I am confident that I am now better prepared and better equipped to face whatever challenges and obstacles at Penn State.
Should I remove the forth paragraph?
and should i talk about a particular experience in more detail?
also i think it is a bit boring? is it?
Any help would be highly appreciated.
A teenager ventures to a faraway foreign country on the other side of the hemisphere. He is virtually on his own in an expedition to learn and to shape up his global perspective while most kids at his age are still nurtured by their parents at home.
He is given an opportunity to explore new cultures, to experiment with a new lifestyle and to learn to adapt to different surroundings. Even though this may sound like a typical exciting first week's experience of a university freshman, it was in fact the surreal adventure of my high school years.
I was only fourteen when I boarded the twelve-hour flight from Bangkok to New Zealand. Although it was not my first overseas trip, it was the first time that I would be on my own to live and to study abroad. It was not just an ordinary switch from an old school to a new one in my home town, but a gigantic change in life, moving my entire high school experience to the faraway country.
I was admitted to a well-established public school and was assigned a homestay with a Kiwi family. Foreign students at public schools are not encouraged to stay at the school boarding which mainly takes New Zealanders. Staying with a family, however, is generally resulted in a more caring environment and better cultural learning. The different schooling system was also an eye-opening experience for me although there are more rules and restrictions for foreign students than local kids.
My three valuable years in the completely new surroundings exposes me to various new cultures and experience. I started to make new friends from many different countries. We had opportunities to exchange views and stories from our home countries. One of my friends also went a great length to teach me the Haka, a Māori traditional dance. I had an opportunity to taste the independent life of a university student under a new and diverse environment when I was in the high school.
Life as a high school student in New Zealand permitted me to experience numerous things that I would not have had a chance to do had I continued to stay home with my parents. On the downside, however, living a young life without their constant guidance and caring supervision, I appeared to briefly lose my way. I lost my focus and failed to work hard enough. The shortfall caused my grades to slip for a while before I managed to realize and regain the composure. Having learnt this valuable lesson, I realized that there is no easy way, nor shortcut to achieve my goals unless I am determined and committed to work hard to earn them.
The three-year experience in New Zealand helps me become more mature, preparing me socially and academically for the college life. I am confident that I am now better prepared and better equipped to face whatever challenges and obstacles at Penn State.
Should I remove the forth paragraph?
and should i talk about a particular experience in more detail?
also i think it is a bit boring? is it?