thatdayistoday
Dec 24, 2010
Undergraduate / "mother's womb and father's wrath" - common app [4]
Wow; you've been through a lot (sorry for the understatement, but that's all I can say.)
I was stunned more by what you've been through than by the actual essay, however. I think that you need to reveal more about yourself, and not your past; I know that you do talk about how you're a stronger person, but this essay concentrates so much on the events, and not the aftermath. I read your Yale supplemental essay as well, and I think that these two go hand-in-hand, but can't exist by themselves. You could combine them into one common app essay and then write a different yale essay...see, you need to explain the results of your overcoming adversity all in one place.
Also: i liked the art metaphor, but are you an artist? because if you are, then I say magnify that, really explode the metaphor and incorporate it throughout. but if you aren't, I say find a different way to portray your life.
You have an incredible history behind you; you just need to really let that out on paper. Remember, it's about who you are now. How have you changed, or how have you refused to let your circumstances define you? Good luck.
Wow; you've been through a lot (sorry for the understatement, but that's all I can say.)
I was stunned more by what you've been through than by the actual essay, however. I think that you need to reveal more about yourself, and not your past; I know that you do talk about how you're a stronger person, but this essay concentrates so much on the events, and not the aftermath. I read your Yale supplemental essay as well, and I think that these two go hand-in-hand, but can't exist by themselves. You could combine them into one common app essay and then write a different yale essay...see, you need to explain the results of your overcoming adversity all in one place.
Also: i liked the art metaphor, but are you an artist? because if you are, then I say magnify that, really explode the metaphor and incorporate it throughout. but if you aren't, I say find a different way to portray your life.
You have an incredible history behind you; you just need to really let that out on paper. Remember, it's about who you are now. How have you changed, or how have you refused to let your circumstances define you? Good luck.