Undergraduate / "Piano allows me self-expression" - experience, achievement - personal essay [3]

Great essay! It sounds like you have a great passion which has taught you some very valuable life skills. I have a couple suggestions, if you're interested...

Paragraph 2
To do this, I knew it would require hard work and discipline just like what I experienced in my choir. Personally, I'm not a big fan of "just like..." You might say something along the lines of "it would require hard work and discipline similar to the demands I experienced in choir."

Piano has shown me the value of having self-discipline and dedication and from this, I have learned to challenge myself, to want new experiences, and to desire to succeed. <-- something is missing here. Are you trying to say "to desire success"? Just take a look :)

Paragraph 3
I know now, because of piano, never to stop asking the important questions like "why" and "how," and to use my natural curiosity to drive me along the journey of live life .

Paragraph 4
While piano can be immensely challenging at times with hard practices and difficult pieces, I welcome these challenges as they have allowed me to grow in many aspects of life.

Best of luck to you!

Undergraduate / My Personal Essay for UT - My Life in One Page, Basically [5]

Great essay! I am applying to UT, as well, and can't think of any issue I am passionate about. I'm glad you're not having the same problem :)

A couple things...

I don'tcan not remember how he told me that he was gay

I think thatthe year that I spent with him was the turning point ofin my life

This may be a personal opinion or just old school, but here are some grammatical rules I have been taught in my college writing courses that you might want to consider:

- you do not want to use contractions (i.e. can't, don't, etc.) in formal writing. It's It is just a thought ;)

- you do not want to end a sentence with a preposition. (i.e. I think I was six years old when I first noticed it... maybe say something like, ' when I first noticed I was different'

It may be nit-picky, but I thought I would mention it ... bring it to your attention. lol

Best of luck to you!