Undergraduate / "I play Classical music on the piano" - MIT - What do you do for the pleasure of it? [7]

Hi everybody.

I was wondering if somebody could read through my MIT short answer for the prompt:

We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it.

I have written two versions but have gotten feedback that they were both way too fluffy and general. Could anybody help me out?

I know there is no formula, no equation that constitutes what harmonies can penetrate the human mind and evoke pure emotion. But when I play Classical music on the piano, I love to hear the individual notes that Beethoven, Mozart, and Vivaldi have blended into perfect recipes. For me, their melodies are pathways of elusion from the worries of the moment. As I ride their crescendos and diminuendos of raw sentiment, I lose myself into a melodic bliss and realize that I would find it difficult to exist without the pleasure of playing piano and listening to music.

AND

After a hard day at school, there is nothing I like better than to come home and sit on the piano bench. For me, playing piano provides a meaningful escape from the world and brings about relaxation. I can remember pulling out Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata and Mozart's Requiem in times of stress, and letting the worries pour out of my mind. Whether it is the soothing sounds of the piano keys or the emotion within Classical music that attracts me to playing the instrument, it is something that I love to do.

Thanks so much.