sola_nana
May 7, 2011
Writing Feedback / 'less personal privacy'; The extended family is less important today [2]
In the modern would we live in, there are less and less traditional extended families including grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles. Instead, more and more nuclear families are taking their places. As for me, who grow up in a nuclear family, I would like to agree with the topic statement that the extended family is less important now than in the past.
As we can see from the history, extended family proved to be beneficial in the past, like a big family would have a deep influence in the society both economically and politically, and the big family would always give a shelter and food for each individuals of the family. However, with the invention of steam machine and the development of industrialization, the big family was no longer fit in the way that benefited the rapid growth of economy.
Besides, there are so many disadvantages to the extended family. It appears to be a big warm family living together; however, less personal privacy is provided in such kind of family. That may probably be the same reason why many adolescents today prefer to live by themselves as soon as they are financial independent. It is easy to get access to other's privacy when all relatives live together, which is especially unwelcome when involves beneficial conflicts. At the same time, there is not as much warmth as it seems like to be. Living with all your relative means one has to divide one's attention to many parts to a certain person, and attention attained remains the same. The person you want to get attention from can only give you a small part. Additionally, choosing a job has many restrictions as an improper choice will probably involve the family benefits. And it seems like the bigger family one lives in, the more possible it would be to make a "wrong" decision.
While, in comparison, there are so many benefits that can gain from living in a relatively small family. It is the production of industrialization. Fierce competition and rapid development of economy require us to keep pace with the time, require us to center on our jobs. Move where we are going to work without restriction of the big family. It is easier to advance one's career and achieve success. Also, intimate relationship will bound the members of smaller family. As the typical small family is a picture with a husband and a wife and two or three children. More time are offered for them to spend together comparing with live in an extended family. Disadvantages of this kind of family? Of course, there are some, like too much familiarization without enough contact with the society will lead prejudgment, but with the development of mass media, more access to the outside world is available.
As a result, I agree with the statement that the traditional extended family is less important, for the disadvantages it reveals and advantages the smaller family has.
Please correct my essay, I've already correct my spelling mistakes. If there are any grammer mistakes or improper expression, please point them out. Please help me with the plain expression, thank U!
In the modern would we live in, there are less and less traditional extended families including grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles. Instead, more and more nuclear families are taking their places. As for me, who grow up in a nuclear family, I would like to agree with the topic statement that the extended family is less important now than in the past.
As we can see from the history, extended family proved to be beneficial in the past, like a big family would have a deep influence in the society both economically and politically, and the big family would always give a shelter and food for each individuals of the family. However, with the invention of steam machine and the development of industrialization, the big family was no longer fit in the way that benefited the rapid growth of economy.
Besides, there are so many disadvantages to the extended family. It appears to be a big warm family living together; however, less personal privacy is provided in such kind of family. That may probably be the same reason why many adolescents today prefer to live by themselves as soon as they are financial independent. It is easy to get access to other's privacy when all relatives live together, which is especially unwelcome when involves beneficial conflicts. At the same time, there is not as much warmth as it seems like to be. Living with all your relative means one has to divide one's attention to many parts to a certain person, and attention attained remains the same. The person you want to get attention from can only give you a small part. Additionally, choosing a job has many restrictions as an improper choice will probably involve the family benefits. And it seems like the bigger family one lives in, the more possible it would be to make a "wrong" decision.
While, in comparison, there are so many benefits that can gain from living in a relatively small family. It is the production of industrialization. Fierce competition and rapid development of economy require us to keep pace with the time, require us to center on our jobs. Move where we are going to work without restriction of the big family. It is easier to advance one's career and achieve success. Also, intimate relationship will bound the members of smaller family. As the typical small family is a picture with a husband and a wife and two or three children. More time are offered for them to spend together comparing with live in an extended family. Disadvantages of this kind of family? Of course, there are some, like too much familiarization without enough contact with the society will lead prejudgment, but with the development of mass media, more access to the outside world is available.
As a result, I agree with the statement that the traditional extended family is less important, for the disadvantages it reveals and advantages the smaller family has.
Please correct my essay, I've already correct my spelling mistakes. If there are any grammer mistakes or improper expression, please point them out. Please help me with the plain expression, thank U!