Albo
Oct 12, 2008
Scholarship / The National Merit Scholarship Essay - UF Essay Help [7]
I am currently working on my University of Florida application, and the only thing now standing in my way is the essay. The topic is as follows:
Describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your family, your school or community activities, or your involvement in areas outside of school.
So far, I have written only one essay, the National Merit Scholarship Essay. The essay basically said (I don't have exact topic as I already sent in my packet) to write about your interests, achievements, or background. My essay, shown below, mostly stuck to the "interests" aspect. I am now completely stuck on my UF essay (I have no clue what to write), and I need it done fairly soon, so I was wondering if anyone has any advice. I am thinking about modifying the National Merit Essay (which I am also considering doing for my Common Application essays, as I can choose an "Any Topic" option.
Basically, what I am asking, is if anyone can critique the essay I already wrote, and if anyone would help me out with modifying it for the UF topic or simply coming up with new ideas.
National Merit Essay:
Since the very beginning of human life we have felt a primordial urge to explore everything and anything possible, from new lands and exotic locations, all the way to the cosmos. This desire for discovery and thirst for knowledge is our very essence, part of what it means to be human.
For me, it is no different. As far back as I can remember I have felt this instinctual tug, and I constantly seek that knowledge that can satiate my thirst for understanding. This natural beckoning has led me to the one source of discovery left on this Earth, a true Final Frontier still in our own backyard, the ocean.
My interest in marine biology began as a young child, and it has only blossomed since. Living in Florida, I have been well exposed to the coastal ocean. Some of my fondest memories are walking down the beaches of Sanibel Island on my annual family vacation on what we called our "Adventure Walk".
While memories like these provided a foundation for my curiosity, it was through books that my passion for marine science really blossomed, as I learned of the mysteries of the deep ocean. It has always struck me as odd that more funds have been devoted to space exploration than to the discoveries we have yet to have made in our own home.
According to H.B. Stewart, "Only the ocean remains as the last great unexplored portion of our globe; so it is to the sea that man must turn to meet the last great challenge of exploration this side of outer space." This statement perfectly embodies my own fervor for marine biology. Because we have explored so little of our oceans (an estimated 2% by the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration), there remains a veritable goldmine of new discoveries.
Academically, my interests have always lied in the sciences, especially in courses like biology and marine science. My insatiable thirst for knowledge has led me to work hard in school. It is for this reason that I have always taken the most challenging courses available to me, and my grades have only been a fortunate byproduct of this drive for knowledge.
I will attend a university with a strong biological research department so that I may further my knowledge of biology in general, and eventually become a research scientist so that I may one day devote my efforts to studying deep sea biology. Undoubtedly, my goal in life is to discover new life the likes of which nobody could have imagined, and to make a tangible contribution to science's never-ending goal of understanding the world around us. There are, undoubtedly, thousands of discoveries yet to be made, and it is my personal belief that one only has to set his goals high and strive for success to begin to unravel the mysteries of the deep.
I am currently working on my University of Florida application, and the only thing now standing in my way is the essay. The topic is as follows:
Describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your family, your school or community activities, or your involvement in areas outside of school.
So far, I have written only one essay, the National Merit Scholarship Essay. The essay basically said (I don't have exact topic as I already sent in my packet) to write about your interests, achievements, or background. My essay, shown below, mostly stuck to the "interests" aspect. I am now completely stuck on my UF essay (I have no clue what to write), and I need it done fairly soon, so I was wondering if anyone has any advice. I am thinking about modifying the National Merit Essay (which I am also considering doing for my Common Application essays, as I can choose an "Any Topic" option.
Basically, what I am asking, is if anyone can critique the essay I already wrote, and if anyone would help me out with modifying it for the UF topic or simply coming up with new ideas.
National Merit Essay:
Since the very beginning of human life we have felt a primordial urge to explore everything and anything possible, from new lands and exotic locations, all the way to the cosmos. This desire for discovery and thirst for knowledge is our very essence, part of what it means to be human.
For me, it is no different. As far back as I can remember I have felt this instinctual tug, and I constantly seek that knowledge that can satiate my thirst for understanding. This natural beckoning has led me to the one source of discovery left on this Earth, a true Final Frontier still in our own backyard, the ocean.
My interest in marine biology began as a young child, and it has only blossomed since. Living in Florida, I have been well exposed to the coastal ocean. Some of my fondest memories are walking down the beaches of Sanibel Island on my annual family vacation on what we called our "Adventure Walk".
While memories like these provided a foundation for my curiosity, it was through books that my passion for marine science really blossomed, as I learned of the mysteries of the deep ocean. It has always struck me as odd that more funds have been devoted to space exploration than to the discoveries we have yet to have made in our own home.
According to H.B. Stewart, "Only the ocean remains as the last great unexplored portion of our globe; so it is to the sea that man must turn to meet the last great challenge of exploration this side of outer space." This statement perfectly embodies my own fervor for marine biology. Because we have explored so little of our oceans (an estimated 2% by the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration), there remains a veritable goldmine of new discoveries.
Academically, my interests have always lied in the sciences, especially in courses like biology and marine science. My insatiable thirst for knowledge has led me to work hard in school. It is for this reason that I have always taken the most challenging courses available to me, and my grades have only been a fortunate byproduct of this drive for knowledge.
I will attend a university with a strong biological research department so that I may further my knowledge of biology in general, and eventually become a research scientist so that I may one day devote my efforts to studying deep sea biology. Undoubtedly, my goal in life is to discover new life the likes of which nobody could have imagined, and to make a tangible contribution to science's never-ending goal of understanding the world around us. There are, undoubtedly, thousands of discoveries yet to be made, and it is my personal belief that one only has to set his goals high and strive for success to begin to unravel the mysteries of the deep.