OriharaMairu
Jun 17, 2011
Writing Feedback / IELTS:: The gaps between the rich and the poor. [5]
**The inequality between rich and poor nations is now wider than ever before.
What do you think are the main causes of this difference and what do you think can be done to reduce the gap?**
It is clearly perceived in the contemporary world that there is a large gap between rich and poor countries. Moreover, it is important to note that the affluent nations are getting richer and the deprived nations are experiencing poverty that has yet to be alleviated.
The first apparent element in determining whether the country would be successful economically is deemed to be the quality of education which indicates the future quality of life that each citizen will experience in years before them. Therefore, it is undoubtedly vital for every country to foster their educational system to upgrade the knowledge and awareness of their citizens. By doing this, the nations are to be assured that there are quality people who hold a wide range of professional abilities to develop and cherish the community they came from. Thereafter, this will result in a cherished country as a whole.
Likewise, an improved educational system has a profound implication that tasks and projects required to be put into action for the benefit of the country can be done by the nations themselves. By harnessing their workforce exemplifies that the countries would be circulation in the country their money instead of, if they didn't have educated people, pouring it out to richer countries in which they would be hiring their profession and superior abilities
Moreover, a major problem that causes a decline in economic activities may be a high level of unemployment. This issue can be mitigated by encouraging multinational firms to operate and set up in the country by providing them with inclinations such as grants and subsidies under stringent conditions such as to not exploit the workers. By putting this plan into practice, there will not be only a massive decline in the level of unemployment as a result, but also a decrease in crime rates in the country. This is due to the fact that people who lack money to spend for their essentials resort to committing crimes such as robbing. Therefore if they are provided with sufficient amount of income, the plausibility of them doing illegal deeds would irrefutably plunge. Furthermore, as there is more money circulating in the country due to citizens earning jobs, the economy will become healthier. This explicitly implies that more demand for good and services will be present. What this does is that it encourages individuals to set up their own businesses as a method to satisfy those increasing demand and make profit. Organisations may also initiate to compete with multinational companies that operate in the country. The knock-on effect is tremendously beneficial to the country. Not only would it require labour which will further pull down the unemployment rate, but encourage competition which would result a decline in prices of products and services, thus make their accessibility wider to every income groups.
All the possibilities mentioned above are steady and realistic approaches to help alleviate poor nations' status. It all goes down and depend on whether each country's government would utilize it and reduce the gap between them and affluent nations or not.
Please correct any mistakes and advise me on further improvements I can make.
And if it's possible could you please predict what I would get out of 9 in IELTS please.
Thank you very much
=D
**The inequality between rich and poor nations is now wider than ever before.
What do you think are the main causes of this difference and what do you think can be done to reduce the gap?**
It is clearly perceived in the contemporary world that there is a large gap between rich and poor countries. Moreover, it is important to note that the affluent nations are getting richer and the deprived nations are experiencing poverty that has yet to be alleviated.
The first apparent element in determining whether the country would be successful economically is deemed to be the quality of education which indicates the future quality of life that each citizen will experience in years before them. Therefore, it is undoubtedly vital for every country to foster their educational system to upgrade the knowledge and awareness of their citizens. By doing this, the nations are to be assured that there are quality people who hold a wide range of professional abilities to develop and cherish the community they came from. Thereafter, this will result in a cherished country as a whole.
Likewise, an improved educational system has a profound implication that tasks and projects required to be put into action for the benefit of the country can be done by the nations themselves. By harnessing their workforce exemplifies that the countries would be circulation in the country their money instead of, if they didn't have educated people, pouring it out to richer countries in which they would be hiring their profession and superior abilities
Moreover, a major problem that causes a decline in economic activities may be a high level of unemployment. This issue can be mitigated by encouraging multinational firms to operate and set up in the country by providing them with inclinations such as grants and subsidies under stringent conditions such as to not exploit the workers. By putting this plan into practice, there will not be only a massive decline in the level of unemployment as a result, but also a decrease in crime rates in the country. This is due to the fact that people who lack money to spend for their essentials resort to committing crimes such as robbing. Therefore if they are provided with sufficient amount of income, the plausibility of them doing illegal deeds would irrefutably plunge. Furthermore, as there is more money circulating in the country due to citizens earning jobs, the economy will become healthier. This explicitly implies that more demand for good and services will be present. What this does is that it encourages individuals to set up their own businesses as a method to satisfy those increasing demand and make profit. Organisations may also initiate to compete with multinational companies that operate in the country. The knock-on effect is tremendously beneficial to the country. Not only would it require labour which will further pull down the unemployment rate, but encourage competition which would result a decline in prices of products and services, thus make their accessibility wider to every income groups.
All the possibilities mentioned above are steady and realistic approaches to help alleviate poor nations' status. It all goes down and depend on whether each country's government would utilize it and reduce the gap between them and affluent nations or not.
Please correct any mistakes and advise me on further improvements I can make.
And if it's possible could you please predict what I would get out of 9 in IELTS please.
Thank you very much
=D