mrhohoha
Oct 22, 2008
Undergraduate / How will college ed. help you achieve personal+professional goals? [Purdue] [8]
Hi everyone
Applying to Purdue Engineering as an undergrad this year... The essay topic I've opted for is "How will your college education help you achieve your personal and professional goals?" The topic to me came across as a little vague and I'm having trouble figuring out whether the stuff i've put in my essay is relevant or not. Thing is, I'm from India, so I'm not accustomed to this kind of essay writing. I've written the whole thing, but I'm reviewing it bit by bit. First paragraph is posted below, comments and pointers would be welcome, and so will ideas for what should ideally come next.
Para 1
***
My best and worst quality is my insatiable curiosity, especially when it comes to computers and gadgets. I was the sort of kid who instead of playing with his brand new remote controlled toy car rips every component apart to try and figure out how the thing works. Over the years, I moved on to gutting PCs and gadgets, breaking some, learning some. I grew some more and graduated to dissecting and creating my own software. But my curiosity remains as acute as ever. I've always felt the need to be in the know. And a good college education is what will give me that knowledge. Fifteen years on, I see myself as an entrepreneur, establishing my own web solutions and software distribution firm. But to be able to do that I need some basic skills in that field - skills which my college will train me in. College will equip me with the tools necessary to achieve my professional aims in life.
***
Would be great if you could answer:
1. Is there too much I and me in it? Should I rephrase somehow
2. Are the last two sentences extra cheesy? How could they be improved?
3. What next? [just to get some ideas flowing, I play keyboard and classical violin, I want to develop those at college too...should I mention that next?)
Thanks
Hi everyone
Applying to Purdue Engineering as an undergrad this year... The essay topic I've opted for is "How will your college education help you achieve your personal and professional goals?" The topic to me came across as a little vague and I'm having trouble figuring out whether the stuff i've put in my essay is relevant or not. Thing is, I'm from India, so I'm not accustomed to this kind of essay writing. I've written the whole thing, but I'm reviewing it bit by bit. First paragraph is posted below, comments and pointers would be welcome, and so will ideas for what should ideally come next.
Para 1
***
My best and worst quality is my insatiable curiosity, especially when it comes to computers and gadgets. I was the sort of kid who instead of playing with his brand new remote controlled toy car rips every component apart to try and figure out how the thing works. Over the years, I moved on to gutting PCs and gadgets, breaking some, learning some. I grew some more and graduated to dissecting and creating my own software. But my curiosity remains as acute as ever. I've always felt the need to be in the know. And a good college education is what will give me that knowledge. Fifteen years on, I see myself as an entrepreneur, establishing my own web solutions and software distribution firm. But to be able to do that I need some basic skills in that field - skills which my college will train me in. College will equip me with the tools necessary to achieve my professional aims in life.
***
Would be great if you could answer:
1. Is there too much I and me in it? Should I rephrase somehow
2. Are the last two sentences extra cheesy? How could they be improved?
3. What next? [just to get some ideas flowing, I play keyboard and classical violin, I want to develop those at college too...should I mention that next?)
Thanks