Undergraduate / "strived to be the best" - stuck on GWU entrance essay [3]

Thankyou for your reply :)

I have finished my essay and now it needs revising before i submit it lol. Please, if anyone can critique my essay that would be wonderful. Thankyou

"Growing up, I have always strived to be the best that I can be. I am what they call an "over-achiever", always competing with myself and tackling my own game. I guess it is because my parents have a high expectancy of me, which has always driven me to push myself further beyond my potential whether it pertained to academics, sports, clubs and even religious affairs. My main satisfaction came from a direct arousal of continuously impressing my parents. Their pride in me ignited a feeling of accomplishment and success as a valuable daughter and noble individual.

As a child, I never really knew what I wanted to be. I was always predestined to follow in my father's footsteps and pursue a career in the medical field, which was probably why I had never given it much thought at the time. Initially, fitness and nutrition had always captivated my attention. My mind was inherently drawn to the fitness world like a sponge, as it would soak up every fragment of information I had acquired. Maintaining a fit and healthy lifestyle was an incentive that triggered my ambition in assisting others to achieve a positive outlook on their health. With an ingrained affection for this prestigious way of life, I knew exactly what I aspired to specialize in after I have completed medical school.

Accompanied with a plan in hand and a dream to chase, all I needed now was place of fulfillment. In all despair, living at the southern borderline of the country has not swayed me with any enlightening opportunities for my degree plan or its bland, rural setting. I desired to concentrate on a school with a more vivacious environment, somewhere I can feel proud to say I have graduated from. I ached for the city life that comprised of excitement and animation, but possessed the domestic characteristic at its origin. More importantly, I craved to attend a school that had a promising medical program with an outstanding rating overall. Luckily, I came across George Washington University on the internet and became allured by what it had to offer. The more I browsed, the deeper my infatuation for the school grew. Washington's wide variety of options led me to believe that no matter what dream I wished to execute, I shall look no further.

It is a given that the nation's capital city is the most beautiful amongst all. Truly, it would be of great honor to become a part of a university that is vastly acknowledged for its academic excellence and diverse surroundings. My current focus is to get accepted into this incredible institution and begin a new semester as a "Colonial". With enough will and commitment, I am determined to undertake any obstacles that come my way, while making my upcoming years at George Washington University memorable."