jborjas31
Sep 23, 2011
Scholarship / "Rise Above Your Skill" - Questbridge - Nat'l College Match (Biographical Essay) [4]
Hi, I'm applying for the Nat'l College Match and I REALLY want to make sure the essays are the best they can be. If you can offer any constructive criticism and help, it will be greatly appreciated. Thank You!
-Juan B.
Prompt: We are interested in learning more about you and the context in which you have grown up, formed your aspirations and accomplished your academic successes. Please describe the factors and challenges that have most shaped your personal life and aspirations. How have these factors caused you to grow? (800 word limit)
Your Will Must Rise Above Your Skill
500 meters.
A few beads of cool sweat trickle down my neck as the sun partly blinds me from seeing the finish line. My legs feel like two cement blocks with every stride I take, and my chest resembles a steaming cage about to rupture. But I won't give up. Not now. I must keep running. I glance at my right and search the crowd for a familiar face, trying to reinvent the classic Hollywood scene where the image of a close relative will bolster my spirit, inspiring me to finish with a dramatic ending. But I don't recognize anybody. Immediately, I remember a quote I had read before: "People don't lack the strength, they lack the will."
400 meters.
I start thinking about how many of my failures resulted from those last moments of struggle in which I decided to surrender to my indulgences. Those last hours of study and effort that could have made a difference in my World History class or Chemistry test. I would become aggravated for feeling weak and incapable, unable to become the ideal image I had of myself. When I failed an Algebra test in seventh grade, for example, I was so embarrassed of my failure, that I wrote myself a letter detailing what had gone wrong and what needed to change to prevent the mistake. But more than a personal sense of responsibility, I felt that my "poor past" was to blame.
300 meters.
I sometimes saw my lack of strength as a result from the absence of an "adequate" background, one I often envied in my American friends whose pioneering great-grandfathers had come from Europe and triumphed in the US. Me? I was a kid from a small Honduran neighborhood comprising about twenty destitute houses along dirt roads. I did not have opportunities to challenge myself to my fullest potential like my friends since the chances just weren't present. I can't say that a trip to a science museum sparked my scientific interests or that a basketball for my twelfth birthday inspired me to join the school team. My parents were often absent when I needed them most, like in sixth grade when mom had to accompany me to Father-Son Breakfast since dad had to stay in Honduras maintaining businesses. I remember going to the restroom, face wet with burning tears, feeling robbed and underprivileged, knowing that I deserved something better. Whenever my friends excelled in class or sports, I felt that their success was correlated with their past, their given opportunities. If only I had grown up like them, I would think, things would be different.
200 meters.
I deserved something better. This new process of my dad transitioning from Honduras to the US and not seeing him often wouldn't change. Our economic and familial situation would remain the same. So the only thing left to change was me. I always had an inclination towards academics because it was easy for me. Thus, I promised myself to excel in school and make it my domain. Ambition soon became my drug, success my addiction. It was who I wanted to be. I saw no other alternative other than excellence. Change, however, did not occur overnight. I still struggled in school like anybody else set on the road to success. My parents were still quite supportive, but couldn't help out fully since they weren't familiar with the educational system. Nevertheless, I applied for advanced classes, strove for the highest grades, and enrolled in the International Baccalaureate program, all by myself.
100 meters.
Today, although I can't change the past, I'm grateful that my precocious maturation laid the basis for who I am today: a seeker of excellence, not only in academics but also as a member of society. I administer independent school clubs and non-profit organizations while excelling in academics. I should not depend on others or my past for reassurance that I can succeed. It's about whether I want to succeed. As I near the green-white striped finish, I force in myself a surge of energy and dash the last few meters.
0 meters.
As I pass through the finish line, the Cross Country official calls my time and, for finishing in the top five positions of Junior Varsity, I receive a shirt. With my "trophy" in hand and a smile on my face, I don't need to search the crowd for a familiar face. I am proud of myself for finishing strong and refusing to give up during those last critical moments. More importantly, I am proud of the independent, maverick character I have discovered in me. Despite the absence of an "adequate" past, I am able to push myself. I have finally discovered who I was searching for.
Hi, I'm applying for the Nat'l College Match and I REALLY want to make sure the essays are the best they can be. If you can offer any constructive criticism and help, it will be greatly appreciated. Thank You!
-Juan B.
Prompt: We are interested in learning more about you and the context in which you have grown up, formed your aspirations and accomplished your academic successes. Please describe the factors and challenges that have most shaped your personal life and aspirations. How have these factors caused you to grow? (800 word limit)
Your Will Must Rise Above Your Skill
500 meters.
A few beads of cool sweat trickle down my neck as the sun partly blinds me from seeing the finish line. My legs feel like two cement blocks with every stride I take, and my chest resembles a steaming cage about to rupture. But I won't give up. Not now. I must keep running. I glance at my right and search the crowd for a familiar face, trying to reinvent the classic Hollywood scene where the image of a close relative will bolster my spirit, inspiring me to finish with a dramatic ending. But I don't recognize anybody. Immediately, I remember a quote I had read before: "People don't lack the strength, they lack the will."
400 meters.
I start thinking about how many of my failures resulted from those last moments of struggle in which I decided to surrender to my indulgences. Those last hours of study and effort that could have made a difference in my World History class or Chemistry test. I would become aggravated for feeling weak and incapable, unable to become the ideal image I had of myself. When I failed an Algebra test in seventh grade, for example, I was so embarrassed of my failure, that I wrote myself a letter detailing what had gone wrong and what needed to change to prevent the mistake. But more than a personal sense of responsibility, I felt that my "poor past" was to blame.
300 meters.
I sometimes saw my lack of strength as a result from the absence of an "adequate" background, one I often envied in my American friends whose pioneering great-grandfathers had come from Europe and triumphed in the US. Me? I was a kid from a small Honduran neighborhood comprising about twenty destitute houses along dirt roads. I did not have opportunities to challenge myself to my fullest potential like my friends since the chances just weren't present. I can't say that a trip to a science museum sparked my scientific interests or that a basketball for my twelfth birthday inspired me to join the school team. My parents were often absent when I needed them most, like in sixth grade when mom had to accompany me to Father-Son Breakfast since dad had to stay in Honduras maintaining businesses. I remember going to the restroom, face wet with burning tears, feeling robbed and underprivileged, knowing that I deserved something better. Whenever my friends excelled in class or sports, I felt that their success was correlated with their past, their given opportunities. If only I had grown up like them, I would think, things would be different.
200 meters.
I deserved something better. This new process of my dad transitioning from Honduras to the US and not seeing him often wouldn't change. Our economic and familial situation would remain the same. So the only thing left to change was me. I always had an inclination towards academics because it was easy for me. Thus, I promised myself to excel in school and make it my domain. Ambition soon became my drug, success my addiction. It was who I wanted to be. I saw no other alternative other than excellence. Change, however, did not occur overnight. I still struggled in school like anybody else set on the road to success. My parents were still quite supportive, but couldn't help out fully since they weren't familiar with the educational system. Nevertheless, I applied for advanced classes, strove for the highest grades, and enrolled in the International Baccalaureate program, all by myself.
100 meters.
Today, although I can't change the past, I'm grateful that my precocious maturation laid the basis for who I am today: a seeker of excellence, not only in academics but also as a member of society. I administer independent school clubs and non-profit organizations while excelling in academics. I should not depend on others or my past for reassurance that I can succeed. It's about whether I want to succeed. As I near the green-white striped finish, I force in myself a surge of energy and dash the last few meters.
0 meters.
As I pass through the finish line, the Cross Country official calls my time and, for finishing in the top five positions of Junior Varsity, I receive a shirt. With my "trophy" in hand and a smile on my face, I don't need to search the crowd for a familiar face. I am proud of myself for finishing strong and refusing to give up during those last critical moments. More importantly, I am proud of the independent, maverick character I have discovered in me. Despite the absence of an "adequate" past, I am able to push myself. I have finally discovered who I was searching for.
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