Research Papers / graded research paper not so hot [4]

Hey there,
I turned in my research paper and received a poor grade mainly because of my paraphrasing. The teacher insists this is something I should have learned by now, which she is probably right, but apparently it didnt stick.

I have another research paper to write but wanted tips before i did. I would love to email someone my paper so they can see all the comments that wont cut and paste into this window box. I tried to cut and paste but the comment boxes are left out and the formatting does not stick.

I understand the comments like...ei...that, you..3rd person...so on... but she says I may have plagiarized my paper, which I did not. I thought I was paraphrasing??

Can someone explain this to me? I can try to post or you can email me rkslperez@aol.com

Thanks in advance!

Here is a copy of the RESEARCH paper... apparently a difference from all other papers.

Can you tell me where I didnt parapharse right? I highlighted in BOLD the areas she did.

"A Narrative of the Captivity and Restoration of Mrs. Mary Rowlandson" authored by Mary Rowlandson, depicts strong Puritan beliefs reflected in one of the most complete captivity dairies for its time. Throughout her confinement, Rowlandson uses her skills as a mother, homemaker, and firm believer in her faith to survive her ordeal. She believes herself to be a soldier in God's army and reflects this spirit in her writing. Rowlandson also believes God's direct intervention is the only reason why she claimed her survival from the Indians, and her salvation. Her dairy is a testament to strength and seeing God's plan fulfilled.

To describe Rowlandson is to describe most women; she is a loving mother who is not aware of her unlimited potential. A mother of four children, one whom died in infancy; the other three captured with her (Mary Rowlandson - Captive in 1675/7). The youngest child, six years old, died days after the capture, succumbing to her wounds. She reunites sporadically throughout the captivity with her remaining children. It is understandable that her spirit is near death after watching her youngest daughter die in her arms. Heartache aside, she pushed forward in hopes of seeing her family again. Rowlandson knew deep down in her heart God had a plan for her and she was willing to fulfill it. She prayed to God for renewed strength and ability to carry on with his plan. Rowlandson conditions herself as a homemaker with no stomach for horror. Her parents were quite wealthy and she enjoyed living a comfortable lifestyle. Had she known what she would endure throughout her travels, she might have prayed for death as his sister did on that fateful day. By entrusting her life to the beliefs of the Puritan T.U.L.I.P doctrine, Rowlandson transforms herself from a tolerable woman to one that survived the Devil's legion. (<~~this part in bold is partly my words and 'parapharsing from the site listed right before the bold)

Puritan's root their beliefs in the Calvinist doctrine called T.U.L.I.P. This belief emphasized God's absolute sovereignty and power in the act of salvation. The acronym stands for total depravity, unconditional election, limited atonement, irresistible grace, and perseverance of the saints (Slick). To clarify the intentions of T.U.L.I.P in respect to Rowlandson's journal we must define these beliefs according to her period. Total Depravity, or corruption, did not mean people were bad and going to be bad forever. Merely man cannot save himself alone but only with the help of the Lord. Unconditional election meant God had already chosen you for redemption regardless of your choices in life. Limited anointment statedcJesus sacrificed himself on the cross for only the saved. Then there was Irresistible Grace, he will save your life, it is not yours to save. God had a firm hand on whether you lived or died, ate or starved, and slept or awoken. Finally, the Perseverance of the Saints affirms saved souls cannot lose their salvation. You may stray from the flock but you will return. The last two hold strong in Rowlandson's journal. (<~~ I read the information and rewrote in my own words. was that supposed to be cited as theirs and mine). Critics site her journal as one of the most complete testaments to ones belief in their Lord God. Stating she wrote her journal in a Calvinist treatise showing the Indians as savage beasts used as a tool by God (Lewis). Most evident in Rowlandson's writings is her deep belief in T.U.L.I.P, mostly through God's Irresistible Grace, the Preservation of the Saints, and God's intervention in her life. Where are the examples from the Diary? You have written a summary of what someone else claims, but provide no

God's irresistible grace unites you with his plan no matter how stubborn your hearts is. This Puritan belief revealed itself many times in Rowlandson's journal. She starts her journey with preconceived notions of whom she is and how she handles things. Many times, she reminds her readers of a tobacco habit she once enjoyed in her former life. This habit is seen as more then just a simple pleasure but rather practices of a self-righteous woman who does as she pleases. It is clear that God's plan included an overhaul of Rowlandson's soul to endure such hardships and survive to tell her story. She found herself doing unspeakable actions that most would turn from in disgust. For Example, the sight of a dead body no longer upset her after holding her dead baby in her arms for hours on end. She began to see her former self as an evil creature that had strayed from God's flock. Finally, she must eat almost raw animal meat or she would die of starvation. All are actions of God's irresistible grace to show survival is possible when you yield to his terms, not your own.

Rowlandson's safeguarding throughout the horrific battle in God's Army shows God's Preservation of the Saint's belief is obvious in her writings. Often she speaks of the heathen acts brought upon her people with fierce hatred. During her forth remove, a near-term pregnant women pleads to return home to give birth to her baby but the Indians stripe her naked and danced around her. They taunted and teased her before knocking her over the head, as well as the child she was holding, throwing her remains in a bonfire. As the Indians turned to the prisoners, they give a strong warning, "...if they attempted to go home, they would serve them in like manner." (Rowlandson 218). She saw the devil in their eyes. In addition to this horrible scene in her 19th remove, the Devils stamped about claiming victory over her people. Unquestionably, she views her captures as dark creatures she must live to overcome. Upon her release from the Indians, she does not claim victory over her captures but gives this accomplishment to God as fulfillment of his plan. Concluding her experience by saying the Gods wonderful power shines through the roaring mouths of Lions. Indian's zero - God one. This is a formal research paper, not a football game.

Aside from the Puritan belief of T.U.L.I.P, they also believed the Lord worked according to his will, or simply put, everything happens for a reason. Many times throughout the three-month nightmare, Rowlandson's dairy clearly shows the Lord's intervention during her trying circumstances. As you read her journal, the Lord's works leap off the page revealing a strong presence in her life. She firmly believes God was in total control of her life saying God was with her in a way she could not falter. He blesses her, he cures her, and he saves her from herself at times. Mostly at her weakest moments, he is largely evident. She yearns for guidance from his word but unfortunately, while in a hail of bullets from the Indians, she is unable to grab her bible out of the house. She prays and pleads for a sign he is with her, and then he sent her a bible, ironically, enough through the hands of an Indian. Any woman can imagine if in the hands of heathens her safety would be in jeopardy. To her surprise, not one ill notion fell upon her. Finally, as a testament to her belief in Gods intervention, during her fifth remove she remembers how they easily crossed a wide raging river yet the rushing English Army couldn't cross but fell silently behind. "God did not give them courage to cross ...if it had been...God would have found a way" (Rowlandson 219). Obviously, her salvation was not at hand. A realization she accepts with earnest.

In conclusion, Rowlandson believes herself to be strong independent women of faith, put to the test in God's war. A feat that sends shivers down the spine of any person. Throughout her ordeal, she believes God selects her personally for this trail. After the publishing of her journal, she was a staple of enduring faith. God strips her of her home, family, dignity, but she held to the test with everlasting love her God. She was the 17th century Job from the bible. Why was her journal so popular? According to Rebecca Onion of NewRepublic Online, one reason was she lives to tell the tale. Seldom do women in captivity survive to tell their story. Going on to say Rowlandson's journal includes four very important aspects of any narrative; every gory detail included, transformation in the main character, a consistently creepy villain, and lastly, maintains a believable voice ("Captive Audience"). Her sincerity to her belief in God's supreme power meant you could survive Devils creatures, even the devil himself. A true testament of faith presented to the reader for reflection and as a guide to live by.

Writing Feedback / "Voice of Common Sense" - citations correct? [2]

Hey there,

I was wondering if someone could glance through my paper and let me know if my citations are in the correct form. Last time I had all my intext citations incorrect. I tried really hard this time to do it correctly. I know it looks like alot to read but i just wanted a second opinion before i turned it in. Can someone look though it?

Kelly

Voice of Common Sense;
Thomas Paine

In the following paper, a summarized account will show how Thomas Paine, a propagandist, became one of America's most influential voices in American History with his pamphlets "The Crisis" and "Common Sense". Also, establish Paines's objective when writing his pamphlets. Next, look at what inspires these pamphlets, as well as, explore techniques Paine uses to sell his ideas to the colonists. Then, illustrate present day similarities in adverting practices vs. those Paine uses in his pamphlets. Finally, explore Paine's goals and effectiveness in his writings.

Steven Kreis of History Guide states, Thomas Paine's early adult life shaped his views on independence, turning him into one of America's valued propagandists and voice to America's common people. Going on to say, he was born to a poor Quaker corset maker who did not respect education and demands apprenticeship to his family profession. Soon after taking time to 'find himself' at sea, Paine granted his fathers wishes, finally returning to take over his fathers business. Kries states Paine spends six years as excise officer managing his new shop. Paine marries twice; his first wife died in within a year of their marriage in 1760, then he quickly remarries in 1771, both marriages were childless, and neither brought him much happiness. Soon he legally separates from his second wife in 1774, mere days before he embarked for America. (Kreis) Paine's upbringing is a direct result of his passion and fever for independence and happiness.

Paine spent his early adult life constrained by others principle's and ideas for his future. As with most young men emerging into their own, he wanted freedom to express his views. A sentiment stated by his good friend Benjamin Franklin, who also once reminded him to conform to society's cares, while holding fast to his beliefs. He wrote a letter to Paine saying society wants peace, contentment, and stirring the pot will bring harm to the states, "you will not succeed so as to change the general sentiments of mankind". He went on to warn against publishing Paine's pamphlet, "Age of Reason", stating, "...do not attempt unchaining the tiger, but to burn this piece before it is seen by any other person". (Franklin) True to Paine's inner nature, he did indeed; stir the pot with his controversial sentiments.

Richard DeStefano of Revolution to Reconstruction states, Paine has great fever for war against Britain; an opinion not shared by many. Further stating his views on war are a celebration of independence not a battle cry, knowing triumphant over war will not be successful without colonist support. The country became divided into three groups; neutrals, loyalists, and patriots. Paine needs all men to join the cause or defeat is imminent. (DeStefano) Paine states to these few, "lay your shoulders to the wheel; better to have too much force than too little, when so great an object is at stake." (Paine) His journalistic skills proved worthy on January 10, 1776 when "Common Sense" publishes. In one swift move, Paine became America's voice of inspiration and propaganda. (DeStefano) Propagandist, defined as a specific type of message or presentation aimed at serving one's own agenda, a correct description of Paine's objectives. ("Propaganda.") Finally sealing his fate as thee propagandist of America, he wrote, "The Crisis", inspiring his fellow man to rise up against British tyranny. Kries states, sentiments of victory and valor befall readers. Many throw down their craftsmen tools and pick up guns. The common man began to see the newly formed States as something worth fighting for. (Kries)

Paine's objectives in his propaganda pamphlets urge his reader to stand up and fight for their freedoms, calling for revolution and civil liberty. According to Benni Leemhuis of History Guide says, Paine calls for uprising and challenges many commonly held assumptions about government and most colonist' relationship to Britain. Paine writes, "Tories, and especially neutrals, just want peace and reserve fighting for another day" although, this is not the day for peace but the day for battle. Leemhuis goes on, Paine sets out to inspire revolt against from tyranny Britain brings to their shores. Paine shouts Britain is at their doorstep and they must fight to defend it. He wants an outraged and agitated reader with emotions their fellow patriots feel. Furthermore stating, "The Crisis" shows common people were complicit with their lives and do not wish to disrupt it. (Leemhuis) Paine writes, "...either they or we must change our sentiments, or one or both must fall." War is coming, life cannot remain the same; Britain tyranny is at hand. (Paine) He appeals in a language colonists can understand using techniques they grasp.

Paine accomplishes his objective by balancing his eagerness for revolution while sympathizing with each common man's wariness of defeat. DeStefano points out he brings comfort to his readers, arming them with tactical knowledge of battles and strategies for victory. (DeStefano) Paine writes, "America could carry on a two years' war by the confiscation of the property of disaffected persons, and be made happy by their expulsion. Say not that this is revenge, call it rather the soft resentment of a suffering people" (Paine) Colonist's attitudes concerning independence mix and divide each other but Paine gathers them together in unity. (Kreis) Summing up his objective with, "...call not upon a few, but upon all: not on this state or that state, but on every state: up and help us...better have too much force than too little, when so great an object is at stake." (Paine)

Paine's technique included plain speech, bandwagon, testimonial, repetition, and 'lesser of two evils'. Paine's speech delivers a plain-crisp spoken commentary outlining obstacles colonist faced with their struggle with Britain. (DeStefano) He brings terms down to an average man's understanding. He informs readers how England's government suffers for years without improvements and common states suffer in return. In addition to simple speech, Paine uses the bandwagon approach to encourage revolt. Stressing only a few holdouts remain; stand up and join those ranks already in place. (Kries)

Paine continues to urge colonists with his testimonials of a better tomorrow stating, "America will never be happy till she gets clear of foreign dominion". Playing on their emotions, he recalls a conversation with a man wanting peace in his day, counteracting with, "...a generous parent should have said, 'If there must be trouble, let it be in this day, that our child may have peace' ...this single reflection...awakens men to duty." He also addresses how time is wearing thin on men already in place, stating, "I always considered militia as the best troops in the world for a sudden exertion, but they will not do for a long campaign." (Paine) Pleas for passion and use of repetition never fade in his writings. (Kries)

Among many powerful techniques Paine's uses to persuade his readers, repetition becomes an influential tool. DeStefano states, Paine uses repetition and fever while writing, expressing only through independence will British rule be gone. Paine's target audience labor and tolled most daylight hours, not leaving time to read or reflect on his pamphlets. DeStefano states Paine knew keeping it short and on point, and most of all, no matter which section they turned to, they read his point clearly. Mass media was in her infancy but still a very powerful tool at Paine's disposal. "The Crisis" uses force and metaphors to show how serious Britain wants America's submission. (DeStefano) Paine continues to remind his reader Britain's hold on America with repetition throughout "The Crisis".

Paine shows his readers no matter what views on war one has; it is the lesser of two evils. Colonists must decide between submissions to Britain's evils or fight for freedom, even at the cost of death. ("Propagandist") Paine writes in his pamphlet "Common Sense", "The laying a country desolate with Fire and Sword, declaring War against the natural rights of all Mankind, and extirpating the defenders thereof from the face of the earth, is the concern of every man to whom nature hath given the power of feeling." (Paine) Colonists begin to panic, a response Paine addresses, "Yet panic, in some cases, has their uses; they produce as much good as hurt. Their duration is always short; the mind soon grows through them, and acquires a firmer habit than before" (Paine) People make their decision to live in constraints or live in a place freedom, at any cost.

Many present day similarities in advertising practices show Paine's techniques for swaying readers one way or the other. For example, according to "Advertising Vocabulary", 'weasel words' or 'testimonials'; used to suggest a positive meaning without actually making any guarantee, such as a scientist claims SlimFast might help in weight lose the way it helped others to lose weight. Another present day example as well as the past, 'simple solutions' or 'plain speech'; avoiding complexities by attaching many problems to one solutions, such as, drink this smoothie and youth, health, and beauty will happen. In addition to 'weasel words' and 'plain speech', "Advertising Vocabulary" states 'glittering generalities' is another widely used practice. Paine's pamphlets spoke of great success and bravery but never really said exactly what was to follow, "Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered." (Paine) The reader is not sure what Tyranny is but they know it is not an easy task to defeat. Companies trying to sell automobiles, which offer a younger appearance or higher status in society, carry the same 'glitter ads'. ("Advertising") Many techniques stem from Paine and other propagandists of the late 1700s. With the help of these, 'advertising techniques', Paine effectively achieves his goals.

Paine proves a necessary revolt against Britain will not hinder the colonist beliefs in their Lord God. Commentator Benni Leemhuis states Paine uses common beliefs of patriotism and religion most colonists held close. He took his time ensuring his ideas of war were not against their beliefs. (Leemhuis) After reading numerous pamphlets, colonists had a better understanding their situation was about freedom and not war. Steven Kries states, Paine changed how people viewed independence. After reading his writings, colonists understood this to be a noble cause of liberty, not a bloody war of defeat. Paine's goals to inspire his common folk into realizing their basic human rights of freedom were in jeopardy. (Kries) Comforting his readers with statements such as, "I thank God that I fear not. I see no real cause for fear. I know our situation well, and can see the way out of it." (Paine) Kries states his writing ignited revolutionary sentiment, which before "The Crisis", only held by Patriots. (Kries) After reading Paine's' writing on liberty and freedom, colonist hold tight to a higher standard of living, "The sign of fear was not seen in our camp..." (Paine) Colonists agree with Paine's assumption no man born an equal human being should have rule over another. (Leemhuis) Many now grasped ideas of freedom and unity towards America's Cause. (Kries)

In conclusion, through Thomas Paine's convictions and writings, he became thee propagandist to a growing American Revolution movement. "The Crisis" and "Common Sense" set out to rally people together and bring forth a dominating force for independence. Paine's journalist skills of metaphors, repetition, and passion encourage colonist to join his cause and fight for independence. Paine's effective writing skills achieve goals of independence sought by many. George Bancroft states by summer 1776, patriots had control of all thirteen territories; leaving loyalists powerless. All thirteen states overthrough their existing governments, closed courts and drove British agents from their homes. (Wikipdia) His propaganda techniques propel readers into believing they are in jeopardy and must stand up for their newly formed States. Paine set a goal to inspire nuetrals to fight for freedom and in doing so, American's won their independence.

Work Cited

"Advertising Vocabulary." Media Literacy. April 28, 2004. Online.

DeStefano, Richard. "Thomas Paine's The Crisis, Number One, 1776." Revolution to Reconstruction. March 6, 2003. Online. Department of Humanities Computing, Alfa-Informatica.

Franklin, Benjamin. "Benjamin Franklin To Thomas Paine." Online.

Kreis, Steven. "Thomas Paine, 1737-1809." History Guide. Lecture 14, the Language of Politics: England and the French Revolution. 2006. Online.

Leemhuis, Benni. "Thomas Paine, 1737-1809." History Guide. Lecture 14, the Language of Politics: England and the French Revolution. 2006. Online.