vanillakokakola
Nov 25, 2008
Undergraduate / UC Admissions Essays (for transfer) - Keeping it Simple [6]
The UC app for transfer students gives you two essays, with sort of an option for a third. I decided to spread my 1000 words out over all three essays, since I've had kind of a long, rocky road to where I am now. They're still in relatively rough draft form, although I've done some minor grammatical editing here and there. With that said, here are my essays, currently coming in at I believe, 1035 words (and, for reference, I wouldn't mind thinning out Prompt 1 a bit in order to add more to Prompt 2, I'm just not sure what to cut)
My comments in italics.
Prompt #1
What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.
My first move to prepare myself for my major was to realize that I had sold myself short when I chose my first college out of high school From the moment I stepped on campus, I realized that this was not the academically stimulating environment that I had hoped for, and after two months, I left the school for community college to better prepare myself for a UC. (I know this whole intro is worded awkwardly. Help here would be great)I intend to double major in anthropology and sociology, and I know full well that double majoring requires great devotion for both majors. Thankfully, I have always had a great interest in my majors, and I decided that my time at a community college would be best spent enriching my knowledge in other subjects, expanding the breadth of my knowledge so that I will have more subjects to interrelate to my studies once I narrow them down. I also looked forward to saving learning the depth of my majors for more immersive, university level courses, even if that means taking lower-division classes upon transferring.
Though my interest in Sociology is purely from a business standpoint (I realize I said earlier that my interest in both majors has been very strong, but sociology has really always interested my from a business standpoint. Although, since I have so much trouble articulating it, I'm wondering if I should even mention my intent to double major at all, and if I do, should I approach Sociology as a passion or an interest?) - I have enjoyed working in offices, specifically doing HR work, and I believe it would be both interesting and helpful to have an in-depth understanding about how people function both individually and within our society - my interest in anthropology has been cultivated since I was young. As a child, I would always find a spot on the couch when the History Channel was exploring the culture of an ancient civilization, not realizing that my parents had turned on the History Channel because they thought it would act as a child repellant. My sixth grade history teacher furthered my interest, setting up interactive scenarios where we would write cuneiform on a clay tablet, or create our own Greek family and paint an urn describing a significant event in their culture. I grew to crave more knowledge about ancient cultures and customs, which grew into teaching myself about anthropology, whether it was watching programs such as "Ape to Man" on the History Channel, now somewhat of a staple in my own household, or paging through anthropology textbooks in my college library during free time between classes.
When able, I have tried to tie the courses that complete IGETC requirements into my major: I chose an art history class with a professor that focused not only on the art, but occasionally devoted class sessions to the socio-cultural anthropology of what we were studying, and I withdrew from an English: Critical Thinking course with a syllabus focused on philosophy in order to take on that focused on sociology.
When I first began my college education, I assumed that I would only major in things that I thought would look nice on my future resume, but now that I have chosen to go with my passion, I can't wait where it will lead me.
Prompt #2
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?
I have been playing softball since I was old enough to hold a bat. I played softball for a recreational league for twelve years, because at the time, the casual-competitive level of play was more appealing to me than a travelling team's level of play. Once I played my final game, I realized that it would be very difficult for me to quit softball altogether, so when it was mentioned that my youngest sister needed an assistant coach for her recreational team, I stepped in without hesitation. Teaching young girls not only the essentials of playing, but how lay the foundation for them to move into upper-levels, and possibly even make their high school teams, something I never attempted because I didn't think it was realistic, is incredibly rewarding to me, and the experience encouraged me to become the head coach every year since then.
I also took the opportunity to play softball for my school this year, my first time playing at a competitive level. I am very excited to go back to coaching this spring, and translate all the skills I have learned in the past four months into things that young girls can understand and use to make them more skilled players. The most gratifying thing about coaching in an instructional league is the ability to make the good girls better, and to give the beginners the confidence and skill to feel like they've been playing for years. I hope to continue coaching for many years after college
Personal Statement (part 3 of 3)
This section is optional. If you wish, you may use this space to tell us anything else you want us to know about you or your academic record that you have not had the opportunity to describe elsewhere in the application.
My journey from high school to soon-to-be incoming junior has been an interesting and unanticipated one. I had always assumed I would be the student who goes away and completes college in the typical four years - although in high school I secretly hoped to finish even more quickly - but that dream changed quickly after the rug was pulled out from under both myself and my family following my parents' divorce.
Looking back, I wouldn't want it any other way. Changing direction in the way that I did gave me the chance to gain valuable work and life experience, to play competitive fastpitch softball again, and most importantly, the wonderful opportunity to meet and marry my husband. I also cherish the fact that I was able to help my mother get back on her feet following her divorce, and was able to provide a positive role model and solid family unit for my two younger sisters, helping them become well-adjusted young women.
I hope that you are able to look past my admittedly numerous withdrawals from classes, and be able to see the dedicated student the I strive to be, especially in times where it would have been easier to drop out of school altogether. I have dropped classes due to an intensive work schedule and due to the inability to buy books, but never because I was too lazy to complete the class, and never because I was doing poorly. I hope that your university will also be able to see the member of the workforce I will become, making your institution proud to be the university on my resume. Most of all, I hope you can grant me the opportunity to become the first person in my family to complete college where I hoped my journey would begin nearly four years ago.
To anyone who takes a look at this, thanks in advance! I really appreciate all the help I can get.
The UC app for transfer students gives you two essays, with sort of an option for a third. I decided to spread my 1000 words out over all three essays, since I've had kind of a long, rocky road to where I am now. They're still in relatively rough draft form, although I've done some minor grammatical editing here and there. With that said, here are my essays, currently coming in at I believe, 1035 words (and, for reference, I wouldn't mind thinning out Prompt 1 a bit in order to add more to Prompt 2, I'm just not sure what to cut)
My comments in italics.
Prompt #1
What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.
My first move to prepare myself for my major was to realize that I had sold myself short when I chose my first college out of high school From the moment I stepped on campus, I realized that this was not the academically stimulating environment that I had hoped for, and after two months, I left the school for community college to better prepare myself for a UC. (I know this whole intro is worded awkwardly. Help here would be great)I intend to double major in anthropology and sociology, and I know full well that double majoring requires great devotion for both majors. Thankfully, I have always had a great interest in my majors, and I decided that my time at a community college would be best spent enriching my knowledge in other subjects, expanding the breadth of my knowledge so that I will have more subjects to interrelate to my studies once I narrow them down. I also looked forward to saving learning the depth of my majors for more immersive, university level courses, even if that means taking lower-division classes upon transferring.
Though my interest in Sociology is purely from a business standpoint (I realize I said earlier that my interest in both majors has been very strong, but sociology has really always interested my from a business standpoint. Although, since I have so much trouble articulating it, I'm wondering if I should even mention my intent to double major at all, and if I do, should I approach Sociology as a passion or an interest?) - I have enjoyed working in offices, specifically doing HR work, and I believe it would be both interesting and helpful to have an in-depth understanding about how people function both individually and within our society - my interest in anthropology has been cultivated since I was young. As a child, I would always find a spot on the couch when the History Channel was exploring the culture of an ancient civilization, not realizing that my parents had turned on the History Channel because they thought it would act as a child repellant. My sixth grade history teacher furthered my interest, setting up interactive scenarios where we would write cuneiform on a clay tablet, or create our own Greek family and paint an urn describing a significant event in their culture. I grew to crave more knowledge about ancient cultures and customs, which grew into teaching myself about anthropology, whether it was watching programs such as "Ape to Man" on the History Channel, now somewhat of a staple in my own household, or paging through anthropology textbooks in my college library during free time between classes.
When able, I have tried to tie the courses that complete IGETC requirements into my major: I chose an art history class with a professor that focused not only on the art, but occasionally devoted class sessions to the socio-cultural anthropology of what we were studying, and I withdrew from an English: Critical Thinking course with a syllabus focused on philosophy in order to take on that focused on sociology.
When I first began my college education, I assumed that I would only major in things that I thought would look nice on my future resume, but now that I have chosen to go with my passion, I can't wait where it will lead me.
Prompt #2
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?
I have been playing softball since I was old enough to hold a bat. I played softball for a recreational league for twelve years, because at the time, the casual-competitive level of play was more appealing to me than a travelling team's level of play. Once I played my final game, I realized that it would be very difficult for me to quit softball altogether, so when it was mentioned that my youngest sister needed an assistant coach for her recreational team, I stepped in without hesitation. Teaching young girls not only the essentials of playing, but how lay the foundation for them to move into upper-levels, and possibly even make their high school teams, something I never attempted because I didn't think it was realistic, is incredibly rewarding to me, and the experience encouraged me to become the head coach every year since then.
I also took the opportunity to play softball for my school this year, my first time playing at a competitive level. I am very excited to go back to coaching this spring, and translate all the skills I have learned in the past four months into things that young girls can understand and use to make them more skilled players. The most gratifying thing about coaching in an instructional league is the ability to make the good girls better, and to give the beginners the confidence and skill to feel like they've been playing for years. I hope to continue coaching for many years after college
Personal Statement (part 3 of 3)
This section is optional. If you wish, you may use this space to tell us anything else you want us to know about you or your academic record that you have not had the opportunity to describe elsewhere in the application.
My journey from high school to soon-to-be incoming junior has been an interesting and unanticipated one. I had always assumed I would be the student who goes away and completes college in the typical four years - although in high school I secretly hoped to finish even more quickly - but that dream changed quickly after the rug was pulled out from under both myself and my family following my parents' divorce.
Looking back, I wouldn't want it any other way. Changing direction in the way that I did gave me the chance to gain valuable work and life experience, to play competitive fastpitch softball again, and most importantly, the wonderful opportunity to meet and marry my husband. I also cherish the fact that I was able to help my mother get back on her feet following her divorce, and was able to provide a positive role model and solid family unit for my two younger sisters, helping them become well-adjusted young women.
I hope that you are able to look past my admittedly numerous withdrawals from classes, and be able to see the dedicated student the I strive to be, especially in times where it would have been easier to drop out of school altogether. I have dropped classes due to an intensive work schedule and due to the inability to buy books, but never because I was too lazy to complete the class, and never because I was doing poorly. I hope that your university will also be able to see the member of the workforce I will become, making your institution proud to be the university on my resume. Most of all, I hope you can grant me the opportunity to become the first person in my family to complete college where I hoped my journey would begin nearly four years ago.
To anyone who takes a look at this, thanks in advance! I really appreciate all the help I can get.
