berimbau
Dec 24, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Failure is evil' - Stanford: What Matter most? [11]
Overall, I like your essay. However, the main issue I have with it is the fact that you don't give specific examples to your life about how failure has changed you and made you better.
How? I thought you would go on to explain this in your next paragraph, but you don't.
What passion? What problems? How have you expressed yourself? How have you show how you care for others? While these are all salient reasons, the lack of personal detail turns me off to the essay and makes me think that it could be applied to almost anyone. Like you said, everyone has failures. How have YOUR specific failures changed you into the person that you are now?
Should be "my".
I believe it should be [The words, "I'm a failure," are said in despair.]
[waiting to prey on "me" when I am "weak"/"my weakest" (choose one or the other).]
While I do like the closing, if you alluded to the "patchwork" idea early on, perhaps in your lead sentence, it would really tie the essay together better.
Overall, I like your essay. However, the main issue I have with it is the fact that you don't give specific examples to your life about how failure has changed you and made you better.
I simply utilize my failures.
How? I thought you would go on to explain this in your next paragraph, but you don't.
Failures have taught me to follow my passion, to solve problems in new ways, to express myself, and to care as much about others as myself.
What passion? What problems? How have you expressed yourself? How have you show how you care for others? While these are all salient reasons, the lack of personal detail turns me off to the essay and makes me think that it could be applied to almost anyone. Like you said, everyone has failures. How have YOUR specific failures changed you into the person that you are now?
My failures defined me
Should be "my".
The words "I'm a failure," are said in despair
I believe it should be [The words, "I'm a failure," are said in despair.]
waiting to prey on my when I am weakest,
[waiting to prey on "me" when I am "weak"/"my weakest" (choose one or the other).]
I am a patchwork of failures, and this has made me a success.
While I do like the closing, if you alluded to the "patchwork" idea early on, perhaps in your lead sentence, it would really tie the essay together better.