Undergraduate / "Look around the world more broadly." - UC PROMPT #1 [NEW]

PROMPT:
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

This is my rough draft.. and hope to have comments and revise!!!
Thanks!

*My grandmother had always told me one sentence before she died: "Look around the world more broadly." Until her death, I could not interpret the full meaning this sentence conveyed; I just considered this as one of many clichés that old people like to say. However, in nowadays, when the tension between North Korea and South Korea become higher, I finally realized what my grandmother meant to teach me by telling this one sentence.

*Living in a military base for my entire life, excluding few years that I have been studying in the United States, I have always feared recurrence of the Korean War that went to cease fire fifty-five years ago. As a Republic of Korea's airforce, my dad left home often to participate in many military programs. Sometimes, all of the lights in the base needed to be turned off to simulate the real emergency situation, and sometimes all the people in the base needed to escape to a place that was supposed to be 'asylum.' While such practices were held, my grandmother always drew back in fear; she could not speak, move, or listen. The simulation itself made to automatically envision the time when the crossed the border-when poverty, death, and crime dominated the nation. When she was sixteen-years-old, my grandmother escaped North Korea and came to South in a hope of receiving an appropriate education. However, the reality was not that promising. Instead of receiving education, she had to work in order to contribute in the nation-wide recovery program.

*It took my grandmother as much effort and as long time as it took the nation to recover from such destitution to recover her from combat fatigue syndrome. Even though she was normal all the time, if she was exposed to the war-like situation, she was not able to control herself. Despite her uncontrollable composure, she always emphasized the sentence- "Look around the world more broadly." Nevertheless, I was too young to comprehend this sentence; I was too immature to realize her relinquished dream behind her words.

*Right before her death, my grandmother once again told me to look around the world more broadly. For some reason, ineffable epiphany radiated throughout my body. I was able to discern what my grandmother's eyes was telling. She wanted me to fulfill her goal. Even though her goal has become my goal since that day, it is not until recently, when I finally realized what her ultimate goal was. She always feared the tension arousing in Korean Peninsula, yet what she really feared was, those forgotten children who still face poverty, death, diseases, and crimes that she had faced in the war-time. She wanted me to look around the world from a different perspective that can recognize the existence of such children in today's world.

*In this modern era, when most people are acquainted with convenience and wealth, people are unaware of those children who are still suffering from seemly 'primal' difficulties. It is my responsibility to realize the adversities that exist around the world. My special backgrounds- having an airforce father of country where the war is still going on and grandmother who is a North Korean refugee- surely motivated me to look on international issues more profoundly. Nevertheless, from this point, it is I who need to actually continue to study global concerns and prevent many disastrous events from occurring again in some part of this world. There should be no more 'my grandmother,' who fears the tension, does not receive an appropriate education, and suffers combat fatigue, in this world.

Undergraduate / Biting my nails and China resolution - UC- Part of Diversity [3]

Prompt: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

Biting my nails nervously, I was sitting in the United Nations Security Council vacillating between two different opinions, after I received the first written resolution. I had to make a decision: whether to say 'yes' to China's resolution regarding its support for nuclear projects or to say 'veto' to the resolution. As a delegate from the Russian Federation, I ought to ignore my personal opposition and accept the resolution. Nevertheless, disregarding my own nationality was not that simple.

As the debate continued, all of the countries, except the Russian Federation, expressed their disapprovals toward the resolution. China needed an ally to support the opinion. Finally determined to stand with China, I, as the Russian Federation delegate, expressed unconditional approval toward the resolution with minor amendments added to it. This one expression ensued anger from other countries; they started to ask me questions concerning the legitimacy of the resolution. This was no longer small debate class, and I was no longer "Korean-Southerner."

I acted as a staunch supporter of China's resolution, but in the same time, I also avoided making conflicts with the United States and other nations. Sometimes, I yielded questions and sometimes I refused to answer questions that may arouse hostility between the Russian Federation and other nations. However, just answering questions and proclaiming national opinion were not the only roles that I took. To persuade other nations besides 'Big 5,' I acted as a negotiator by lobbying: I promised Russia's financial support to United Nations peacekeeping troops. However, China's resolution failed. The failure did not matter. I did what Russia was supposed to do.

After having six more sessions for three more days, I received an award given to "outstanding delegation" on the last day. To write that I was jubilant and altogether delightful cannot convey the full emotion that I felt at that moment; the bliss I felt was ineffable. The award was so meaningful for a reason that has nothing to do with "being outstanding." Instead, it was significant to me because it actually marked that I broke my own stereotypical shells and grew up.

Since that day, I have become more comfortable in understanding another views and meditating different stances. I am no longer an immature child who only knew to refuse to accept another's opinions. I am different. While I can advocate my beliefs, I can also understand others and just become 'the others.' It is I, who is a part of diversity, and it is diversity that is part of me.

*I appreciate any grammar revision or advice!!!!
Thank you!!!

Undergraduate / Common application essays, need opinions (one of two to choose from) [5]

Hey, I wrote two essays for my common application.
I cannot decide which one to use.
Both are rough drafts, and I need opinions about which one to use.

[1] It was July 26, 2005, when I realized my life was not a fairy tale with everlasting life. Until this day, I had never faced anyone's death, especially that of my most precious friend, my grandma.

A week after I arrived in the United States, I was left alone with my little sister. Yet jet-legged from the flight a week ago, mom went back to Korea to attend grandma's last rites. After she arrived in Korea, mom called and told us that grandma no longer belonged to this world. Hearing this news gave me a traumatic shock; I was unable to cry, and my muscles no longer moved. I lay on the bed for several hours. Nothing happened. Nothing seemed different. Grandma was still alive in my heart. "Then, why is everybody saying she is dead?" It was hard to accept this; however, I couldn't just stay like this. I had my little sister who was crying continuously beside me.

After I put all the puzzle pieces back in my mind, I realized life isn't a fairy tale. Even though one dies, still the ones left need to live. I was supposed to live. I was supposed to take care of my little sister until my mother came back. I didn't cry. I didn't have time to cry. There were still many things in this world that I needed to accomplish. Most importantly, I knew that grandma wouldn't want to see me crying all day long; what she really wanted to see in me before she died was a young, accomplished woman. I must be that one.

Having my sister lying down on my lap, I started to think. What do I want? Why am I in this foreign country, making my family members to sacrifice themselves? Even so, what is true success? Although I tried to figure out the answers painstakingly, still a naïveté prevented me from getting the answers.

Once the three-day-long funeral was over, my mom called and told us what grandma wanted to tell us before she passed away.

"There are no losers or winners in this world. One can be satisfied with the accomplishments that seem minuscule to others. Seek what you want. Don't try to follow what others ask you to do. Your life is yours, not theirs."

After I heard this, a sudden epiphany radiated throughout my body. What I wanted to do in America was to succeed; success to me was fulfilling grandma's ultimate goal. Finally, I concluded that I wanted to study to prevent another person from experiencing what grandma had. My grandma gave me a responsibility that would change the world and help people like her, who had lost everything during the Korean War. Since that day, I am no longer a childish, immature teenager; I became a strong, determined dream-seeker with an ultimate goal of assisting help needy people.

[2]Rubbing her eyes, a ten-year-old girl woke up from pleasantly delicious nap. However, something seemed unusual; everything was in darkness- note even a candle light was on. Trying to turn on the light, a girl started to wander around her room. She searched the switch on the wall. Posters, windows, and the door- the door was opened.

"[my name], are you awake now?" Girl's mom whispered after sensing a movement.
"Yes, mom. I'm finding the switch to turn on the light. By the way, why are you whispering? It is a bit... Oh, I think I found..."

"DON'T!!!" Girl's mom suddenly stopped the girl from turning the light on.
"[my name], all the lights should be turned off right now, and there needs to be no noise. I will explain everything later."

Fearing the darkness, a girl sat beside her mom. One minute, two minutes, ten minutes, and about thirty minutes later, an announcement came out.

"All people may turn their lights on from now on. Thank you for your participation."

As soon as the announcement was over, lights on the military base were turned on in row after row.

"So mom, what was going on? Where is dad?"
"Ok, [my name], I am not sure whether you realize or not, but we are living inside the military base. So annually, we have this war-time simulation. We cannot turn on the lights because they may disrupt airplanes' paths, and we should be silent because in real war, the noise can reveal our position to enemies. [my name], Korea is not a war-free zone, as you may expect. Our country is still on a cease-fire. A war can recur again at anytime, even at this moment. So we must be prepared all the time."

Nodding her head, a girl slowly went out to the balcony to get fresh air. Everything seemed peaceful; lights were back on. There was absolutely no indication of danger. Nothing implied that this place was in complete darkness just a few minutes ago.

"Wait a minute!" A sudden epiphany came to a girl. There was an implication, saying that Korea was still not stable. Indeed, there were a lot. At school, she was taught to call "113" when she sees North Korean spies or mysterious submarines. At home, her dad sometime left after receiving an emergency call from his colleagues. On news, North Korean refugees arrested at Chine were seldom reported.

Since that day, a girl learned how privileges she was to be, at least, in the era of truce, instead of the war. In addition, when she moved to America, a girl finally understood how prerogative to be in a "war-free" zone, where most people do not fear the outbreak of the war. She enjoys her life in the United States now, but at the same time, she worried about her nation, where the tension between North and South is getting heightened.

The girl now defines the word freedom somewhat different from definitions by other people. To her, freedom is not a grant to "speech, press, or religion." Rather, a real freedom to her is "a right to live without a fear." This girl- now seventeen-year-old teenager- is now seeking her dream in America. Her dream, which is to bestow "the freedom" upon everyone around the world