Scholarship / 'Motivating my team to work toward the objective' - Gates Millenium Scholarship [3]

First off, what is this essay supposed to be about? Second, I think you have a lot of grammatical errors in this essay, and awkward sentence structure. For example "It was difficult trying to lead my fellow mates but practicing being in the position helped a lot"...that's awkward. You can change it to "At first, I found it difficult to lead my fellow mates, but with practice in this position I was able to become a great leader." I think you need to revise this essay a bit more and change some awkward sentences, but this is an OK first draft.

Undergraduate / (bus ride to Project R.I.S.E. / love-hate relationship with football) Common App [5]

you have some grammar mistakes in this essay, the second sentence of the longer essay is "than the whistle blew" ....it should be "then the whistle blew" other than that I really like it! :)

Scholarship / 'My parents encouraged my love of the arts' - Hispanic heritage [5]

Hi guys, please let me know what I can do to make these essays better, they're short statements for the Hispanic Scholarship fund application. I will look at yours! Thanks in advance!

2. Describe your participation in extracurricular activities.What have you learned from your experience(s)?(Examples may include: community service, volunteer work, employment, school clubs, sports, family, church, etc.) *

"Sister Catherine, can I use the bathroom?" said 6 year old Justin to me. "Of course you can, come on I'll take you" I responded. At that moment his face lit up with a dazzling smile, one that made you think I told him he'd won a year's supply of candy, instead of simply letting him know I would take him to the bathroom. It's been a year since I started volunteering as an Assistant Music Teacher to the Children's choir at Church of the Revelation, and it has been one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I get to give children individual voice lessons along with the director, Latoya, and am in charge of the vocal warm-ups for the choir. We meet every Friday at 6pm for an hour, where the children learn songs that will allow them to grow as musicians. I find myself looking forward to the end of the week, to be able to teach these kids and influence their lives in a positive way.

I've learned many new things by teaching the Children's choir. Among them are: leadership skills, how to handle young kids, and time management. It's been an eye-opening experience and I've also realized that teaching is not as easy as it looks! You have to treat little children with care, since they can be very innocent and fragile. You should also be a role model to them, and let them know that in life, all dreams are possible. This has been an incredibly rewarding experience because not only do I get to influence lives, but I get to learn from the children as well. They've taught me to cherish the little things in life, and enjoy the moment instead of worrying about the future. I vividly remember our rehearsals for the Christmas recital, where I would grow frustrated because some kids weren't paying attention, or had not memorized all the lyrics to their songs. While we closed our last rehearsal before the show, one child closed our class in prayer where he stated, "I hope that even if we mess up, we'll have fun doing it and I would like to thank our teachers for showing us the different kinds of music that are out there. Who cares if we sound bad, or forget some words? Let's just have fun singing and show the Church congregation what we've learned!" With this I realized that it didn't matter if they made a little mistake here and there, our hard work would shine through regardless. I've always participated in extracurricular activities because I love to give back to the community, and cherish the blessing of being able to positively influence someone else's life. Volunteering at Church of the Revelation has allowed me to mature as a person and taught me that you can give back, while also creating a memorable and rewarding experience that will last a lifetime.

3. Describe a recent academic challenge you have faced.Explain how you overcame it.*

I nervously hurried through the hallways of Pace University after realizing I was about to be late for my next class. I had gotten lost on my first day of college, and now had only five minutes to run three flights of stairs to the room where my lecture would be held. As I entered the room a young man asked me, "Are you here for English 110?" I thought to myself, "English? I thought this was an Economics class? And where is our teacher?" After a brief period of confusion and terror among each freshman student who entered the room, Professor Itterman laughed and welcomed us to Macroeconomics. He told us we would be learning about the study of the overall aspects and workings of a national economy this semester. I had taken an economics class in high school, and thought I had an advantage, only to quickly realize this class did not compare to what I had previously learned. The words coming out of my professor's mouth sounded like a different language to me. He addressed us with sarcastic humor and let us know that only about "1/3 of the class will be passing this semester." Upon hearing this statement, I knew I had my work cut out for me, and was determined to be part of that 1/3. I was ready to eat, breathe, and live Macroeconomics for the rest of the semester.

I am a hardworking, determined student who has always gone above and beyond to achieve high grades. I try to make myself known in class, and not only read what is in the textbook, but also relate the information to modern-day issues in our society. I have learned that with a positive attitude, even the hardest subject can be conquered. This was the mindset I brought into my Macroeconomics class, and after studying for days, I felt ready to take my first exam. I eagerly opened the test booklet and skimmed the first questions, quickly noting this would be a challenge. As I answered each question my confidence rapidly faded; I realized that I was not completely sure what the right answers were. I finished the exam and dejectedly walked to the front of the room as I handed it in. Weeks later we received our exams back, and my stomach sank as I read a 62 on the back of my booklet. I had never done so terribly on a test in my academic career, and after arriving home I assessed my study plan. I revised it and decided to study for two hours, everyday in preparation for our final exam, which was two weeks away. This was my chance to redeem myself and obtain the coveted grade of an A in the class. Soon I held the final exam in my hands, and endless hours of memorizing study guides and flashcards led to this moment. I opened the test booklet and thoroughly answered each question. Before I knew it I was done, and was among the first students to finish the exam. I thanked my teacher and left the class with a sense of ease, knowing that this time I scored a higher grade. Sure enough, as I checked my grades online weeks later, I received an A- on the exam and in the class. The sweet taste of success overcame me as I glanced over at my Macroeconomics textbook and flipped through its worn out, highlighted pages. I realized that I liked the subject, and proved to myself that hard work and determination can conquer even the toughest academic subject.

Please let me know what I can improve on, or if there are any grammatical errors. Thank you so much, and I promise I will look at yours!!!!

Undergraduate / 'to test valor' - Relate interest in studying at Georgetown to your goals [10]

Love your essay! It's very well- written, and I think you showed them just how intelligent you are. Best of luck! I didn't find any grammatical errors and everything was well thought out. Best of luck!

Undergraduate / Artist statement, photography major [5]

This was beautiful, I was drawn into your artistic process...but the sentence " I feel that analogue photographs capture beyond what is visible, bringing a certain nostalgic feel to them, almost like physical memories" That's pretty much all I found wrong! Best of luck!

P.S- would you check mine?