Undergraduate / "Pressure Makes Diamonds" - Apply Texas Prompt A... what do you think? [4]

Here is an essay I will submit for the Apply Texas Essay A which reads:

"Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you. "

What do you think and how do you think I can make it better?

Pressure Makes Diamonds
We put our helmets on as we start the engines. A strange feeling of happiness overcomes me as we roar past several barn houses in rural Mexico. It's my brother Max and I riding dirt bikes -something we haven't done in a year and a half. So much has happened, and I feel I've grown tremendously between the last time I passed Ejido Longoreńo and now. We stop to rest and I suddenly realize the miracle in front of me: my brother is alive.

August 2005: our lives are changed forever. My brother, who was seventeen at the time, began feeling sick. First it started as a fever, then his bones started to ache, and soon he was bedridden. After several weeks, a number of doctor visits, and various lab tests he was diagnosed with acute myelogenous leukemia. Although I did not fully understand what leukemia was at the time, I was aware that it was a dangerous form of cancer and that it was a very life-threatening disease.

One afternoon my father sat me down to talk. He gave a basic explanation of the disease and what we would do to cure my brother. He told me to be strong, have faith, and help him in any way possible. He advised me that our family life was going to change drastically, and finally, he told me there was a possibility that he was not going to "make it."

I felt the world crash down on me. My first thought was that he was going to die and there was nothing I could do. My brother, on the other hand, took his situation in another light. I'll never forget what he told me one day in Houston while he was getting an IV line plugged in: "I'm not going to let this beat me, we're going to get out of here soon". He was able to take his situation and see it in a way I don't think I could have, and by doing so it changed how I look at difficulties and problems. He realized he was fighting for his life.

My brother immediately underwent a harsh, debilitating, and possibly lethal chemotherapy treatment. Specialists advised us that my brother's prognosis looked bleak. And even in this nightmare my brother was able to keep it together, and focus on the treatment that lay ahead. He was able to look at the challenge, accept it, and fight for what he wanted. Every time I saw him at the hospital, no matter how sick he felt, no matter how incredibly low his chance of survival was, he would tell me that he was going to "win."

After almost a year in treatments my brother was finally in remission. Everybody became astonished at how my brother was coping with the chemotherapy treatments. Doctors told us that his positive, can-do attitude was definitely a factor in his success. His perseverance and outlook towards his affliction have changed how I approach problems and challenges. I have absolute respect and admiration for him because of how he tackled his obstacle.

From this experience I learned valuable life lessons. I learned that life is not always fair. I realized that nothing should be taken for granted, and to appreciate what you have. I now know that life is full of difficult challenges; but if you have the willpower and right approach, you will achieve. I now understand that when we are against a tough problem, we are tested, and realize who we truly are. True hardships shape character, and this one shaped mine.

Undergraduate / Third-world country, first-world classroom - Texas Freshman application essay. [5]

Topic:

Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

I've been working on this essay for a while, and I'm going to submit it tomorrow. I would really appreciate criticism, and advice!

Here it is.

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Every morning I wake up in a third-world country. The bell rings, and suddenly I find myself in a first-world classroom. I live in an area where two cultures, two countries and two people intertwine: the U.S. - Mexico border. An issue that greatly impacts the community I live in is immigration. Crossing the bridge to and from school every day has given me a unique perspective towards this issue and I can relate to both sides of it.

Illegal immigration is an important issue that has tremendous social, political, and economical impact in our area. From the janitor to the housewife, everyone is directly impacted by migrant workers. Whether it be hiring an employee or lobbying for the proposed "border wall", the issue is real. Not only do they influence the culture and racial makeup of our community, but they also change the business and political scene. Simply put, the impact of these people in our community is monumental.

Migrants coming into Brownsville are inherently poor. They are desperate at their current situation and decide to take a shot at the American Dream. They travel thousands of miles, in some cases even risking their lives in an attempt to enter the United States. From the immigrants perspective, working in America is an opportunity to provide better financial security and improve their families' lifestyle; a chance for a brighter future.

These people travel to our border seeking an answer to their problems. Most lack any sort of formal education, and many are illiterate. They come from underdeveloped, poor countries whose governments are indifferent about their situation. The great majority takes up jobs in manual labor, some work at businesses, while a small number are privately employed. Illegal immigrants are the foundation of Brownsville; they contribute to over 35% of the local economy.

Local businesses obviously hire these people because of the financial edge over American employees. Most migrant workers eagerly work for a fraction of the minimum wage, and employers are not required to pay for benefits such as health care. These businesses are able to cut down on costs and rake in better profits. Both businesses and illegal immigrants benefit and rely on each other.

Unregulated immigration into the United States, however, is illegal for a reason. Overpopulation, unemployment, crime, and waste of public resources stem out of uncontrolled immigration. Anti-Immigration groups view migrants as a drain on society, and want the situation controlled. These groups have proposed several laws to curb the migration rate, including a physical barrier at the border, effectively isolating both populations.

Infamously dubbed "The New Berlin Wall", its local construction is ardently opposed. The barrier is a proposed 1,300 mile fence that stretches from Tijuana to Brownsville. On paper, it sounds fantastic: a fast, easy solution that "only" costs around $40 billion, which will put an end to both illegal drugs and immigrants. Practice, however, is different than theory. People allege that the wall will only isolate communities, waste money, and increase tensions between nations. It is also evident that the barrier will only slow down, not stop, illegal immigration.

This issue is as complex as it is controversial. It touches upon many different facets of society, sparking questions and debate. There is no doubt that illegal immigration is a serious problem that needs to be addressed soon, but building a wall isn't the answer. Instead, we need a level-headed approach that takes into account all of the social and economic complexities that surround it. Opening new frontiers, instead of closing borders is the solution.