toohunlee
Aug 12, 2012
Writing Feedback / (teacher salaries / being unique for success?) - TOEFL Essays [4]
Hi, I study TOEFL by myself. Your comments and rating would be very much like to be appreciated.
1. Topic: The best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teacher's salaries.
It is debatable that teacher's salaries are closely linked with the quality of education. This is because a substantial number of people think that the recent poor quality of education is attributable to comparably low salaries of teachers. However I firmly believe that the best way to improve the quality is not to raise teachers' salaries for two main reasons; facility investment and teachers' motivations.
First of all, students nowadays do not learn within quality surroundings. For instance, students use outdated software in old-fashioned PCs during computer classes. Furthermore, only a few students can participate in science lab classes, since there are not enough experiment facilities. It is obvious that facility investments would provide students with practical and hands-on experiences during a wide range of classes, eventually bringing about the increase of education quality. Thus, investing in facilities rather than raising teachers' salaries would be more effective and measurable for the improvement of education quality.
Secondly, it is clearly not the salary, but the motivation to attract high-quality teachers. According to a survey conducted by Harvard University, more than 80 percent of teachers give their first priority to the motivation that they can change futures of students rather than the salary when they choose their jobs. To be specific, Teaching job seekers tend to meet their students and prefer to understand what visions of schools are before asking about how much they would be paid. This implies that increasing salaries would not directly motivate teachers and, thus, not be effective in improving the quality of education.
In conclusion, the most efficient method to improve the quality of education is not to increase teachers' salaries. This is because not only facility investments are more effective than teachers' salaries, but also teachers do not consider salaries as the most important factor. Therefore policy makers should devise factors other than teachers' salaries that have strong effects on the quality of education.
2. Topic: To achieve success, it is better to follow others, or to be different from others and unique.
According to a survey conducted by Harvard University, more than 70 percent of people strongly believe that they should be unique in case they want to be successful. This is because a significant number of successful people on the television and internet show their own approaches and behaviors. However, I firmly believe that people should follow others to achieve success for two main reasons; mentors and risk adversion.
It is obvious that people, in general, have their mentors, such as school teachers, colleagues and close friends. Mentors considerably influence how mentees think and behave. Thanks to mentors' advices, people can better understand the world and eventually build their own worlds. In other words, they become to be successful with reputation and popularity. For instance, Warren Buffett, one of the most successful investors in history, has revealed that his success should be attributable to following the philosophy of Benjamin Graham, his mentor. Michael Jackson, the most influencial artist, had cited that he was just watching the performance of his brother and trying hard to imitate it. Therefore, people should find their mentors and follow them if they desire to be successful.
Secondly, people should consider how to reduce risks if they want to be successful. It is partly true that unique people have created a large number of successful stories. Besides that, more than one hundred times of unique people became failed, according to a survey by the Korea Herald. It is due to the fact that people normally find it hard to understand unique people and their worlds. On the other hand, only 20 percent of people who follow others step by step have become to be failed to be successful, according to the survey. This implies that people accompany others have much lower risks that people who try to be different to achieve success.
In conclusion, people should follow others to be successful rather than be different. Learning from mentors would be strong assets to people and following others would significantly reduce risks. Therefore, people should open their eyes and ears to absorb knowledge and experiences of others.
Hi, I study TOEFL by myself. Your comments and rating would be very much like to be appreciated.
1. Topic: The best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teacher's salaries.
It is debatable that teacher's salaries are closely linked with the quality of education. This is because a substantial number of people think that the recent poor quality of education is attributable to comparably low salaries of teachers. However I firmly believe that the best way to improve the quality is not to raise teachers' salaries for two main reasons; facility investment and teachers' motivations.
First of all, students nowadays do not learn within quality surroundings. For instance, students use outdated software in old-fashioned PCs during computer classes. Furthermore, only a few students can participate in science lab classes, since there are not enough experiment facilities. It is obvious that facility investments would provide students with practical and hands-on experiences during a wide range of classes, eventually bringing about the increase of education quality. Thus, investing in facilities rather than raising teachers' salaries would be more effective and measurable for the improvement of education quality.
Secondly, it is clearly not the salary, but the motivation to attract high-quality teachers. According to a survey conducted by Harvard University, more than 80 percent of teachers give their first priority to the motivation that they can change futures of students rather than the salary when they choose their jobs. To be specific, Teaching job seekers tend to meet their students and prefer to understand what visions of schools are before asking about how much they would be paid. This implies that increasing salaries would not directly motivate teachers and, thus, not be effective in improving the quality of education.
In conclusion, the most efficient method to improve the quality of education is not to increase teachers' salaries. This is because not only facility investments are more effective than teachers' salaries, but also teachers do not consider salaries as the most important factor. Therefore policy makers should devise factors other than teachers' salaries that have strong effects on the quality of education.
2. Topic: To achieve success, it is better to follow others, or to be different from others and unique.
According to a survey conducted by Harvard University, more than 70 percent of people strongly believe that they should be unique in case they want to be successful. This is because a significant number of successful people on the television and internet show their own approaches and behaviors. However, I firmly believe that people should follow others to achieve success for two main reasons; mentors and risk adversion.
It is obvious that people, in general, have their mentors, such as school teachers, colleagues and close friends. Mentors considerably influence how mentees think and behave. Thanks to mentors' advices, people can better understand the world and eventually build their own worlds. In other words, they become to be successful with reputation and popularity. For instance, Warren Buffett, one of the most successful investors in history, has revealed that his success should be attributable to following the philosophy of Benjamin Graham, his mentor. Michael Jackson, the most influencial artist, had cited that he was just watching the performance of his brother and trying hard to imitate it. Therefore, people should find their mentors and follow them if they desire to be successful.
Secondly, people should consider how to reduce risks if they want to be successful. It is partly true that unique people have created a large number of successful stories. Besides that, more than one hundred times of unique people became failed, according to a survey by the Korea Herald. It is due to the fact that people normally find it hard to understand unique people and their worlds. On the other hand, only 20 percent of people who follow others step by step have become to be failed to be successful, according to the survey. This implies that people accompany others have much lower risks that people who try to be different to achieve success.
In conclusion, people should follow others to be successful rather than be different. Learning from mentors would be strong assets to people and following others would significantly reduce risks. Therefore, people should open their eyes and ears to absorb knowledge and experiences of others.