10darkfire10
Nov 15, 2012
Undergraduate / Descriptive writing piece - The most beautiful place in the world - an ocean [3]
For a school assignment we have to write a descriptive writing piece, I have finished this but I would love it if you all could help me improve it, thanks.
Descriptive Writing Piece - The most beautiful place in the world - an ocean
The horizon stretches across my entire field of view in the most spectacular fashion. A massive expanse of crystal clear water is all I can see ahead of me with a miniature sail boat proudly sailing along with its small white sails catching the little sea breeze. This same breeze caresses my skin, keeping it pleasantly warm in spite of the slowing fading sun, making me feel like it is hugging me warmly. The beautiful colour which seems to be a mix of orange and pink fills the dark blue sky and colours the puffy white clouds. The calm ocean reflects this most amazing colour in the way which only it can. The waves gently lull on the sandy shore, slowly breaking then receding, always gracefully touching my toes. The smell which these waves conjure is not fishy and disgusting as it sometimes is but rather soft and a little salty which just so luscious. The sea gulls circle in the air, occasionally landing near me. One sea gull dives from the air only to lift itself up again as it nears the water, making a small V in the water behind it. I find myself thinking that perhaps this is the most beautiful place in the entire cosmos.
Now, as the sun is setting, the sky is becoming a pleasant purple colour and the first few stars start to become visible, in a way which seems as though they are peeking around a corner, appearing slowly at first then slowly becoming brighter, a beacon of hope and happiness. The sea gulls are starting to fly towards the last rays of the sun, off into the ocean. The waves are progressively creeping up onto the shore now and they reach out to graze my shins. The warmth from the air is starting to be replaced by a chill. I put on my spare coat I brought in an attempt to fight off the cold; thankfully the coat has fur on the inside which helps keep my warm.
As time passes, the sky progressively becomes a black, seeming to look like a void. The sea gulls are all but gone and now their cries are barely just a whisper. The wind is picking up strength and the deathly chill it brings seems to replace my spine with a large chunk of ice, freezing my entire body, my fur coat has given up in the fight having been outmatched by the ferocity of the wind. The waves are much larger now and they are now desperately reaching for waist. The water feels colder than liquid nitrogen and wherever it makes contact with me its cold fingers seem to leech the very life from my soul and replace it with numbness and terror. The wind blows harder, edging the furious waves on, making them even larger. I stumble back in sheer horror. The waves seem to be yelling at me, telling me that resistance is futile. I freeze on the spot as an amazingly large wave charges towards me. I stumble due to another wave just as the large one breaks right over my head making my vision go black. The ocean refuses my desperate attempts to stand up and I continue to go flying around where ever and whenever the angry ocean pleases. I look up into the void that is the sky and I see the stunning bright stars which are now cruelly taunting me instead of offering me the feeling of hope. I surrender myself to the dark abyss and the last of my oxygen leaves my body in the form of two small bubbles. I slowly descend into the chasm which is the ocean and my last thought is "perhaps this isn't the most beautiful place in the cosmos after all".
Written by Matthew Hill year 9 Leap English
Word count = 655
For a school assignment we have to write a descriptive writing piece, I have finished this but I would love it if you all could help me improve it, thanks.
Descriptive Writing Piece - The most beautiful place in the world - an ocean
The horizon stretches across my entire field of view in the most spectacular fashion. A massive expanse of crystal clear water is all I can see ahead of me with a miniature sail boat proudly sailing along with its small white sails catching the little sea breeze. This same breeze caresses my skin, keeping it pleasantly warm in spite of the slowing fading sun, making me feel like it is hugging me warmly. The beautiful colour which seems to be a mix of orange and pink fills the dark blue sky and colours the puffy white clouds. The calm ocean reflects this most amazing colour in the way which only it can. The waves gently lull on the sandy shore, slowly breaking then receding, always gracefully touching my toes. The smell which these waves conjure is not fishy and disgusting as it sometimes is but rather soft and a little salty which just so luscious. The sea gulls circle in the air, occasionally landing near me. One sea gull dives from the air only to lift itself up again as it nears the water, making a small V in the water behind it. I find myself thinking that perhaps this is the most beautiful place in the entire cosmos.
Now, as the sun is setting, the sky is becoming a pleasant purple colour and the first few stars start to become visible, in a way which seems as though they are peeking around a corner, appearing slowly at first then slowly becoming brighter, a beacon of hope and happiness. The sea gulls are starting to fly towards the last rays of the sun, off into the ocean. The waves are progressively creeping up onto the shore now and they reach out to graze my shins. The warmth from the air is starting to be replaced by a chill. I put on my spare coat I brought in an attempt to fight off the cold; thankfully the coat has fur on the inside which helps keep my warm.
As time passes, the sky progressively becomes a black, seeming to look like a void. The sea gulls are all but gone and now their cries are barely just a whisper. The wind is picking up strength and the deathly chill it brings seems to replace my spine with a large chunk of ice, freezing my entire body, my fur coat has given up in the fight having been outmatched by the ferocity of the wind. The waves are much larger now and they are now desperately reaching for waist. The water feels colder than liquid nitrogen and wherever it makes contact with me its cold fingers seem to leech the very life from my soul and replace it with numbness and terror. The wind blows harder, edging the furious waves on, making them even larger. I stumble back in sheer horror. The waves seem to be yelling at me, telling me that resistance is futile. I freeze on the spot as an amazingly large wave charges towards me. I stumble due to another wave just as the large one breaks right over my head making my vision go black. The ocean refuses my desperate attempts to stand up and I continue to go flying around where ever and whenever the angry ocean pleases. I look up into the void that is the sky and I see the stunning bright stars which are now cruelly taunting me instead of offering me the feeling of hope. I surrender myself to the dark abyss and the last of my oxygen leaves my body in the form of two small bubbles. I slowly descend into the chasm which is the ocean and my last thought is "perhaps this isn't the most beautiful place in the cosmos after all".
Written by Matthew Hill year 9 Leap English
Word count = 655