Undergraduate / Penn "Engage Academically"- Engineering (Computer Science) [10]

Your style may need a bit of focusing. Maybe you can have small paragraphs with extracurriculars in one, academics in another, volunteer service, etc. Consider what yisha said ^

If you're naming a lot of activities It seems too list-like

Despite that your essay definitely shows that you've researched the school well and have a good grasp on the role of Penn's programs in your academic future.

I'm applying to Penn too, so good luck to us both :)

Undergraduate / Gradually, I found my true love: NUCLEAR SCIENCE; MIT [5]

Just a couple suggestions

Your first paragraph seems like a long list of disjointed activities which can probably be found on other parts of your application. Why not focus more on the ways your disorder hindered you in high school and how being active helped you cope with it. Your ending sentence also has no relation to anything you've written so far and nuclear science does not need to be capitalized


This statement does not make sense to the reader. and does not relate to social customs

.


It seems more like you're antagonizing your parents rather than disagreeing with them.


Why? and what changed your mind.


Scale not implied/stated


Mention what the program is

Overall I can see your energy and enthusiasm but your essay needs work to become MIT standard