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Posts by Enigmaticguitar
Joined: Nov 28, 2012
Last Post: Dec 15, 2012
Threads: 2
Posts: 4  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 6
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Enigmaticguitar   
Dec 8, 2012
Undergraduate / What motivated me for applying to RICE UNIVERSITY; passion for history [4]

Please comment on my short answer/ essay in any way, thank you!

Several years ago, I read an article about Rice University's founder William Marsh Rice and his love for trees. He once said that the oak trees at Rice University must outnumber the students there. As an environmentalist and nature-lover, I was fascinated by that article. I feel like it would be such a pleasure studying on a picturesque campus with more than 4000 oak trees, and walking to my classes on paths littered with acorns. Like I wrote before, I have a passion for history and hope to teach history in the future. And Rice University offers a variety of interesting and challenging history courses. When I looked through the Course Catalog, all those courses interest me so much that I knew that if I have the time and opportunity to, I would take every single history class offered. Its website also wrote that Rice's History Department has a twofold function: researching and teaching. This is such a great fact to know as it assured me that the professors at Rice would be both extremely knowledgeable and accessible. Aside from being an academically excellent university, Rice has an amazing student life and residential college program that I know I would love. The more I researched about Rice, the more I felt like I would belong to this amazing school.
Enigmaticguitar   
Dec 14, 2012
Writing Feedback / Tattoo and Piercing research paper [2]

Parents, being proud of their student's accomplishments, often tape colorful drawings of butterflies upon their Whirlpool refrigerators among an array of well-written book reports.

Change "student's" to "students'" or perhaps "children's"

these young adolescence long to have their artistic expressions canvassed on a more permanent medium; their bodies.

"Young adolescence" is a little redundant

As the demand for tattoo's and piercing's become prominent within the youth, so does the increase of risk.

Can you say "prominent demand?"; And if you do, I think in the 2nd part of the sentence, you should write "so does the risk."

Not all of the youth should be categorized into the too-young-to-make-a-permanent-decision group, but the backlash and physical damage done by those foolish enough to go behind the law have only added to the importance of age restriction and parental consent.

How? (I know you explained it later on, but it would be best to give a brief explanation right after it to be clear.)

Your paper is very well-written and especially focuses on the health effects of tattoos. It is informative, interesting, and organized. However, your middle paragraphs could do with some more organization (it is very well done already). Try to organize the paragraphs in a more logical and clear way.
Enigmaticguitar   
Dec 14, 2012
Undergraduate / Rice Supplemental Essay -- Perspectives as a student of eight different schools [2]

The quality of Rice's academic life and the Residential College System are heavily influenced by the unique life experiences and cultural traditions each student brings. What perspective do you feel that you will contribute to life at Rice? Please critique and edit for grammar mistakes, thank you!

"How many schools have you studied at?" My French teacher asked me. It was French class, and we were reviewing the present-perfect tense. "I have studied at eight schools," I replied in French and heard murmurs of disbelief from around the classroom.

It is true though. I have studied at eight schools in three different countries since second grade (I skipped kindergarten and first grade). Since my father is a professor, he often goes to different countries to teach or research at local universities. He usually stays for several months, and always brings my mother and me along. Now, as I look back, I appreciate these unique experiences. Not only did attending eight different schools allow me to experience new cultures, it also shaped my perspective on academics, human nature, and government.

Although moving to new places can be exciting, changes in location and lifestyle are challenging for me. Normally, transferring to a new school - especially in a foreign country - takes from a month to two due to the amount of paperwork. Plus, when I stay for a short time in a foreign country, I would have to study independently all the lessons I missed in China to keep my grades up. These unusual situations improved my self-studying skills significantly. I learned to absorb knowledge and values through reading, solve problems on my own, utilize references and think deeply. Moreover, it gave me a new perspective on the task of studying: it gradually became more like an enjoyment than a duty for me. I found joy in history, applicable values in the classics, and interesting ideas in science. As a result, I have enriched my life by self-studying one extra Advanced Placement history class every year since I was a sophomore. Studying is a personal matter, I learned, it does not depend on my location or whether teachers are around me. As long as my passion for knowledge continues, learning is never impossible. I would be able to contribute this perspective on studying to Rice University by being the student who always seeks to learn new knowledge, sees assignments as fascinating tasks, and researches simply out of interest in a subject.

Through exposure to different cultures and connections with people of diverse backgrounds, I developed a new outlook on human nature. I broke away from the immature belief that people of certain nationalities are superior to others. For example, I used to believe that Americans were friendlier than people of other nationalities. But interacting with people from around the world made me realize that although human beings are different in their backgrounds, appearances, and personalities, deep down inside, everyone is similar. Nobody is fundamentally more superior or less than anybody else. Many Americans indeed are kinder, but only due to their education, belief, and personal choices, not nationality. As Sirius Black from the Harry Potter series said, "We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are." With this perspective, I can contribute to Rice by communicating with students of different ethnicities or backgrounds. I would also try my best to cherish other students' uniqueness instead of seeing them as stereotypes.

The experience of studying and living in three very different countries - Communist China, Democratic United States, and Monarchical England - helped me see the world in a wider way. In China, I felt and read about the horrors of a dictatorial government and how human rights could be so easily violated in the hands of the powerful few. And here in the United States, I read more in history and government classes about the truth and danger of a strong central government and began to appreciate limited federal governments and what they could bring to citizens. By comparing different governments' merits and menaces, I realized the importance of democracy and the worth of freedom. As I flipped through pages of my history book, I felt more than mere interest. I felt the pains of the oppressed, empathized with the imprisoned, and respected those who fought in various wars against tyranny. When reading Animal Farm, Nineteen Eighty-Four, and other dystopian novels, I knew that the manipulative, brainwashing government described in the books are not fiction - they have existed, and still exists around the world. When I stood before the Brandenburg Gate in Berlin last summer and read through Ronald Reagan's famous "Tear Down this Wall" speech there, I was reminded once more of the price of freedom, and knew that I too, have to fight to prevent its extinction. At Rice University, I wish to use my perspective on government to contribute to history and government classes or groups. Moreover, I believe that my experiences and perspective would motivate me to share to the school about human rights violations in authoritarian countries and the need of democratic governments worldwide in order to take action.

As a history lover and a future history major student, I believe that my perspectives on academics, society, and government would contribute significantly to Rice's history classroom discussions, researches, and campus events.
Enigmaticguitar   
Dec 15, 2012
Undergraduate / Consequences from the Neolithic Agricultural Revolution [2]

There are multiple consequences from the Neolithic Agricultural Revolution. It was a major time period in the world and was very significant for us (normally first/second person isn't allowed.) humans. It was thea shift from the custom of hunting and gathering to farming and domesticating animals. There arewerevery many effects of this revolution to modern society. This revolution caused an abundance of food, a drastic increase in population, and it was the beginning of domesticating of animals.

When Homo sapiens began to learn about farming many things happened because of it,Homo Sapiens' knowledge of farming brought about many significant consequences, one being a surplus of food. Humans began to learn that if they would reside in one place andto farm that , they would be able to have a sufficient lifesufficient necessities . Humans were not accustomed to having a multitude of food available. Farming and living in one place, instead of traveling aroundnomadic living , was very popular and so it caught on with other groups of people. With that this was the beginning of civilizations and cities. The farming and civilizations initiated the beginning of tradingtrade . (Explain how.)Also with The surplus of food caused an enormous population growth.

Since people were no longer nomads and were not traveling around place to place hunting for food, there was a huge growth of population. With theA surplus of food this meant that fewer people were starving. It also brought people together in cities, and they were able to share their techniques and get the good ideas pastpassed on to others. With the surplus of food that meant that not everyone would have to farm so others could focus on another area of work (more formally known as, specified occupations) . With all these people in one place there was a spread of bacteria and sickness. In addition in this time period there was the wanting of a leader.The concentration of population also made it easier for bacteria and diseases to spread. Meanwhile, civilizations and city states increased people's need of a government and leader.

During this revolution, humans learned that it is more beneficial to raise and domesticate animals thenthan simply hunting . They learned that they could obtain more meat thenfrom domesticated animals than from hunting, which hunting was often unsuccessful . Humans wouldbegan to domesticate large mammals like sheep, cows, and oxen. With these animals they would produce, with which they produced milk and gain fertilizers form them . PlusIn addition, some of the animals could pull plows so they could plow large amounts of fields fasterbe used to plow fields, which contributed to farming by increasing its efficiency . This was the beginning of pets. It was a very important time in history.

There have been many nonpolitical revolutions in history but this one could be said that it was the most important of them all. Without this revolution everything we know and are today could be completely different. It was a major time in history. It is the most important and influential in our modern living. (If possible, make this sound more formal, don't use "we".)

Good job in general. I don't know what your requirements are or whether this is a formal paper or not, so I wasn't able to give you more specific suggestions. But let me know if you have any more questions.

(Red means delete, blue means my ideas/change)
Enigmaticguitar   
Dec 15, 2012
Book Reports / Courage from TKAM [2]

By the way, red means delete, blue means what I would write/ my changes, and blue parenthesis means suggestions. Good job!
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