Posts by Jane321

Jane321

Oct 23, 2013

Undergraduate / Recession - most difficult things you have ever done or experienced? (BYU app) [3]

The recession of 2008 was difficult for millions of Americans. Many people lost their jobs, and people could barely support themselves, let alone their families<-- is this true? do you need proof, seems to general.. When I was twelve my parents had stable jobs. We thought we were the lucky ones, but ~~all of a sudden~~suddenly everything changed.

We had always been a two income family, with both my parents having what seemed to be permanent careers. My dad had been with PG&E for over 20 years and my mom worked for Mother's Cookies for 17 years. October 7, 2008 our world changed. One morning my mom went to work and the atmosphere had definitely changed. My mom's employers filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy,which was effective immediately. My mom was "horrified" <-- why the quotations? and afraid. She was ~~suddenly~~ out of work for the first time in her life. How was she going to help support her family? Why not just write she was worried about how she was going to help support her family, it's more direct and concise

For a long time we had to budget and give up many of the luxuries we had before, that we took for granted.<-- maybe make this two sentences Eventually my mom found a new part-time job working for UPS, making a quarter of the salary she made before. We had to make some adjustments, but we were all so grateful that she was able to find a job when others couldn't. As the years have passed, I have been able to see the blessings that came from this trial. At my mom's old job, she made more money, but she was on call, worked weekends and got off work late. At her new job, she goes to work very early and is home by ten every day. This has been such a blessing to our family because now we are able to spend more time together. We were able to prevail as a family and appreciate what really matters most. What really matters most?

I used the green to point out inconsistent use of writing numbers, stick to one format

Jane321

Oct 24, 2013

Writing Feedback / The gap between the rich and the poor; Introduction to essay on socio-economic inequality [2]

Instructions abbrev.
1. 1pg intro for a paper that answers the question "is socio-economic inequality mostly good or mostly bad for society as a whole?"
2. Must consist of 3 distinct elements, each making a separate paragraph as follows
a)context- hook (opening sentence) to draw reader, telling them why to be interested, do not make argument just hint at it, must be 80-100 words

b) thesis statement- clear central argument, along with reasons, must be arguable 50-75 words
c)roadmap- tells how paper is organized, brief summary and the order of strongest argument to weakest, use some useful verbs, no reasons/justifications 50-75 words

No Man is an Island Dawn A
Look out! All roads ahead are leading to a wide canyon; bridges are not safe to cross. Use at own risk. In many developed nations the gap between the rich and the poor is widening. The traditional ideas of rich and poor are changing, where billionaires are the new millionaires and having basic needs met can mean you might not be considered poor. The rise of neoliberalism is diminishing the security blanket for the working poor. New trends in the labour market include part time or contract work, no pensions and no benefits. Economic stability and security affect everyone, rich and poor alike.

Socio-economic inequality has many adverse affects on society and lowers the quality of life. It has negative affects on health such as; life expectancy, infant mortality, chronic illness and obesity. Inequality gets into every aspect of our society; a greater importance is placed on social status which can lead to more feelings of shame. It weakens our sense of community and also leads to increased violence and imprisonment, and higher rates of mental health and addiction.

This essay argues that inequality is bad for society. First, the affects it has on human health will be examined. Next it will analyze how inequality manifests itself in all part of our social fabric and is woven into many social problems. Then reader will consider the impact inequality has on the economy and the tax base. In conclusion, one can interpret that socio-economic inequality has fundamentally negative consequences for society.