Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by bolu
Name: Boluji Odufote
Joined: Dec 18, 2013
Last Post: Dec 23, 2013
Threads: -
Posts: 5  
From: United Kingdom (Great Britain)
School: Townley

Displayed posts: 5
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bolu   
Dec 22, 2013
Undergraduate / Drowning is not an option. John Hopkins U Essay - interests/pursuits/passions/experiences [7]

overall the message of your essay is good but the prompt is somewhat unanswered- how would you build up your interest in john Hopkins.
Also a lot of your sentences are quite clumsy and need to be re written.

"Drowning is not an option."
With that, I was thrown into the seawater, have my stomach filled with every gallon of them and begin to sink faster than a rock.-needs to be clearer. keep the tense in the past, you keep changing it.It was the eighth year of my life that my grandfather attempted to drown me for the first time. - I was eight years old when my grandfather first attempted to drown me.
bolu   
Dec 23, 2013
Undergraduate / Detesting Poetry - UNC (Curiosity led me to somewhere I didn't expect) [2]

well written, feel it answers the prompt well. I like the way the nonchalant mood of the first half of the essay changes as you discover yourself to be come more self assured and strong.

Just some minor changes
'By finally using my words, I began to claim back my individuality, and life backand my life.
'It's funny how the things we detested the most.

well done on finding your voice and good luck on your open mike night.
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