Undergraduate / 'Economics in Chengdu' - Letter of motivation to University of Amsterdam [13]

Thank you very much!!
I thought about the fact that the form was too informal but you gave me advices about thing I didn`t even notice. I`ll make it better and post it again.

Thanks,
Federico

Undergraduate / 'Economics in Chengdu' - Letter of motivation to University of Amsterdam [13]

So I changed it. I didn`t really follow you suggestion about the opening statement, not because I thought it wasn`t a good idea but because all the essays I read (or at least most of them) start with a similar formula, or something about the student childhood and everything.

Even tough this probably works I don`t really see myself in it. Anyway if you still think my opening statement is still lacking on some sort of drama (I know that`s is not what you wanted me to do, it`s just I don`t really know how to express this idea, i just hope you`ll understand) I`m totally in for further changes. :)

About the grammar and punctuation I`m afraid that my way of writing is still too tied up with the italian style I`ve always used `till now. In addition I know that repetition is not a very big problem in English writings (or at least this is what they taught me) but when I read my essay I see that I used the same words too many times. I hope you`ll be able to help solve these problems.

...

I even tought about an adding at the end of the essay that would look like this:
"[...] will take this reality to an even higher level (like that skyscraper)."
But to me it looked silly, I just wrote to know what you (and an hypotetical reader) would think about it.

Undergraduate / 'Economics in Chengdu' - Letter of motivation to University of Amsterdam [13]

Ok I tried to make my sentences shorter and I changed my opening sentence trying to follow you suggestion and not just by copying it. I also added the last sentence about the skyscraper. I will decide later if leaving it there or not.

By the way, do you think that mentioning the university in Venice is a good idea?

Living 10 months in China when you`re 17 is something that changes your view of the world and of the future. Since when I came back last summer I started thinking about my studies after high-school. After a lot of searching and meditating I`m now sure that the Economics and Business bachelor programme at the Universitet van Amsterdam (UvA) is the right choice for me. That is because I am now aware of the amazing reality we are living in everyday.

As I said studying in UvA would not be my first experience abroad: I lived in China for 10 months on an international exchange-students programme. At the time I applied for the programme I was 16 and I chose China because I was amazed by two of its characteristics: first of all I knew it is a completely different world form the one I was used to. Living there I learned that western and eastern culture are two different world living on the same planet. Adapting to that new reality was real fun but most of all it taught more than I could ever get staying home another year.

Second it`s clear how China is becoming a world power and I can now say that I saw it with my eyes: I lived in Chengdu (Sichuan), which is one of the fastest growing cities in the world. When I arrived, they started building a skyscraper in front of my school. When I was about to leave, just 10 months after, it was almost finished. And this is just a little example of that amazing reality.

During my stay I met a lot of foreigner people who where there trying to start a new business. I started to ask them about the economic situation in Chengdu: it is from them that I learned how fast Chengdu was growing and the more I asked the more I was amazed of it and willing of learning how things really work.

While I was living in China I had many great experiences but even now, a year later, thinking about me getting out of the school and watching that skyscraper growing so fast still gives me chills. I am amazed of how fast our world is changing and studying economics is the right way for me to be part of that change. It is clear to me that I`m developing a strong passion and interest for this field and I know that the Economics and Business bachelor programme at UvA will give me the tools to be part of this reality that amazes me so much,

I could probably choose an italian university for my study. For instance I live close to Venice where there is a good university with an English-taught programme about economics. But I know that if I want to pursue my objectives I will have to study in an international and modern environment, such as the one you have at UvA. Furthermore studying in a foreign country that I have never been to would be a stimulating challenge. And that is another thing that I`m looking for. I love traveling and I know how hard it can be to become part of a group as an outsider (and Yes, I`m thrilled about doing that again). Studying at UvA would be at the same time the challenge that I`m looking for and a great chance to meet people who come from different countries and cultures, who have probably been raised in a different way than me. I want to compare myself with these people, I want to exchange ideas and our view of the world.

While studying at UvA I will be able to improve my knowledge and skills and I will provide other students with the knowledge and skill I already have so that we will get better and better in a stimulating and challenging environment. I see myself fitting very well in a team working on a project and, if suitable to do so, I`d even be ready to lead that team. I know that Universitet van Amsterdam is the right place for my growth both on an academic and a personal level. What I also know is that my energy, my curiosity and my desire for endless improvement will take this reality to an even higher level, just like that skyscraper.

I thank you again for the great help you`re giving me. At the beginning I wasn`t very enthusiast about having to write this essay but now it`s even becoming kind of funny.

Undergraduate / 'Economics in Chengdu' - Letter of motivation to University of Amsterdam [13]

Sean thank you very much for the fixes!! and that every day thing, I never even heard about that!! thanks again..

Foreigner is an ugly word?? Really? I didn`t know.. actually while I was abroad we always talked about ourselves (my foreigner friends and I) as foreigners.. anyway I`ll look for something better.

And thanks for the compliment Kevin, it`s always good to read such things :)

Anyway just to let you now I sent my admission request last friday, but since it`s really difficult for me to get in that university (only 100 free places per year and my grades are not that good) I`ll soon be looking for other universities in Europe.

Even though I plan on changing the essay a lot I think it would be stupid to not start from this one, also because I`ll still be looking for an economics university in an international city.

So thanks again and if you have any further suggestions you`re always welcome.

Federico