jm06633
May 30, 2014
Writing Feedback / What is one thing you will do to improve your community? [7]
Hi everyone, I'm practicing writing for TOFEL exam, could anyone help me to check my essay or give me some advises?
Thank you very much :) very appreciate it :))
TOPIC: You have decided to give several hours of your time each month to improve the community where you live. What is one thing you will do to improve your community? Why? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice.
I lived in my community for 13 years I have very deep connection with it. However, accompany with our city developed, the environment get worse. Therefore, when talking to what you want to do to improve your community, I wish I can make some change about the surrounding, and the mission better contribute to the environment as well.
As we know people who live in a city facing on many problems. First, with the
city developing more business buildings, department stores and apartments built up, occupying the land used to belong
to natural. Second, crowded cars and motorcycles emit carbon dioxide and waste air that leads people have to wear mask preventing from the bad air. Third, global warming makes temperature hotter, what's more, urban heat island (UHI) worsen the circumstance in city, hence people like to stay in the shelter of air condition rather than heating themselves on the street.
Seeing the problems presented above, what I'm going to do is to build a green roof. Green roof is a small garden on the top of the building, the grass and flowers absorb CO2 then release fresh air that has of great help to air, contribute to human's health and bring down the temperature of buildings. As United Nations Environment Programme (UNEP) report when the cover rate of green roof comes to 70% the CO2 in the will less 80% after that the urban heat island (UHI) will disappear. Besides, Green roof is popular recent years, as far as I know, the business buildings in Tokyo has cover their roof by green plants. It has benefit to return the built-up area back to natural, and green plants also have the effect of healing human's mind. When people feel stressful in the office they can go up stair seeing the garden and taking a deep breathe to release stress. To build a garden in the sky seems pretty attractive it will make a better environment to my community and offer a public area to relax.
In conclusion, not only the problems emerge from city will be reduced by build a green roof, but also the life quality will be elevated thus I wish I can carry out it in my community.
Hi everyone, I'm practicing writing for TOFEL exam, could anyone help me to check my essay or give me some advises?
Thank you very much :) very appreciate it :))
TOPIC: You have decided to give several hours of your time each month to improve the community where you live. What is one thing you will do to improve your community? Why? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice.
I lived in my community for 13 years I have very deep connection with it. However, accompany with our city developed, the environment get worse. Therefore, when talking to what you want to do to improve your community, I wish I can make some change about the surrounding, and the mission better contribute to the environment as well.
As we know people who live in a city facing on many problems. First, with the
city developing more business buildings, department stores and apartments built up, occupying the land used to belong
to natural. Second, crowded cars and motorcycles emit carbon dioxide and waste air that leads people have to wear mask preventing from the bad air. Third, global warming makes temperature hotter, what's more, urban heat island (UHI) worsen the circumstance in city, hence people like to stay in the shelter of air condition rather than heating themselves on the street.
Seeing the problems presented above, what I'm going to do is to build a green roof. Green roof is a small garden on the top of the building, the grass and flowers absorb CO2 then release fresh air that has of great help to air, contribute to human's health and bring down the temperature of buildings. As United Nations Environment Programme (UNEP) report when the cover rate of green roof comes to 70% the CO2 in the will less 80% after that the urban heat island (UHI) will disappear. Besides, Green roof is popular recent years, as far as I know, the business buildings in Tokyo has cover their roof by green plants. It has benefit to return the built-up area back to natural, and green plants also have the effect of healing human's mind. When people feel stressful in the office they can go up stair seeing the garden and taking a deep breathe to release stress. To build a garden in the sky seems pretty attractive it will make a better environment to my community and offer a public area to relax.
In conclusion, not only the problems emerge from city will be reduced by build a green roof, but also the life quality will be elevated thus I wish I can carry out it in my community.