BananaPancakes
Jul 3, 2009
Writing Feedback / An Essay about " my ideal vacation". someone proof read it! [5]
Hello everyone!
I was directed to this web site by a friend in my English writing class. They said it could be helpful to me to receive feed back before I turn in my home work. I am currently working on an essay on " My ideal Vacation. I was instructed by my teacher to use my personal observations,experience, and knowledge to support my essay. Although I am good at most subjects, i tend to fall a little short in my writing skills. Could somebody please give me some pointers and advice. I would greatly appreciate your time and feed back.
Thank you
Ella
Here is what I have so far.
Please note this is my rough draft.
While it's a common theme for most young people to go on vacation where they know there will be a variety of activities in which they can try new things I, however, like to go where I can unwind, take in the scenery, and enjoy the company of my family and friends My ideal vacation would be camping in the quit mountains of a state park or relaxing on the shore of a beautiful beach.
Although Ive been on five vacations, out of those five only two of them were rememberable experiences. Two vacations I remember most were when my family and I rented an amazing little beach cabin in Rockport Texas and when my friends and I took a trip to Garner State Park.
The first vacation we took that meant so much to me was when I was 15 years old my parents and my sister and brother and I went on a family vacation in
Rockport Texas. The thing I well never forget about this trip was the beautiful view of the ocean from our cabin. I remember it was so breath taking that the 3 of us kids fought over who go the bed next to the window. But it wasn't just the ocean scenery that made this trip so special to me. It was also the time I spent alone relaxing on the screened in porch and most importantly the time I spent enjoying the company of my family. We there together a week and a half that summer with no TV or Internet, making memories I've never forgotten.
The 2nd vacation I took was when I was seventeen. Myself and nine of my closest friends and my best friends' dog," rascal ", went camping at Garner State park. One thing I'll never forget about this trip was the excitement of waking up every morning to the smell of breakfast cooking over an open fire. It was an amazing experience feeling to live life without all the technology we have today! But what meant the most to me wasn't the smell of eggs and bacon but rather, being surrounded by the most extraordinary views of nature and wild life. We spent an entire day floating down the parks' beautiful river enjoying the scenery and each others conversations. It was amazing to feel that close to each other and to the earth God created.
While my ideal vacation would be just a hike away from a cabin or a grain of sand away from a beach, just about any vacation can be ideal while spent with those you love. That is why I will never forget my two favorite vacations and why I will continue to travel to those locations and enjoy my vacation time.
Hello everyone!
I was directed to this web site by a friend in my English writing class. They said it could be helpful to me to receive feed back before I turn in my home work. I am currently working on an essay on " My ideal Vacation. I was instructed by my teacher to use my personal observations,experience, and knowledge to support my essay. Although I am good at most subjects, i tend to fall a little short in my writing skills. Could somebody please give me some pointers and advice. I would greatly appreciate your time and feed back.
Thank you
Ella
Here is what I have so far.
Please note this is my rough draft.
While it's a common theme for most young people to go on vacation where they know there will be a variety of activities in which they can try new things I, however, like to go where I can unwind, take in the scenery, and enjoy the company of my family and friends My ideal vacation would be camping in the quit mountains of a state park or relaxing on the shore of a beautiful beach.
Although Ive been on five vacations, out of those five only two of them were rememberable experiences. Two vacations I remember most were when my family and I rented an amazing little beach cabin in Rockport Texas and when my friends and I took a trip to Garner State Park.
The first vacation we took that meant so much to me was when I was 15 years old my parents and my sister and brother and I went on a family vacation in
Rockport Texas. The thing I well never forget about this trip was the beautiful view of the ocean from our cabin. I remember it was so breath taking that the 3 of us kids fought over who go the bed next to the window. But it wasn't just the ocean scenery that made this trip so special to me. It was also the time I spent alone relaxing on the screened in porch and most importantly the time I spent enjoying the company of my family. We there together a week and a half that summer with no TV or Internet, making memories I've never forgotten.
The 2nd vacation I took was when I was seventeen. Myself and nine of my closest friends and my best friends' dog," rascal ", went camping at Garner State park. One thing I'll never forget about this trip was the excitement of waking up every morning to the smell of breakfast cooking over an open fire. It was an amazing experience feeling to live life without all the technology we have today! But what meant the most to me wasn't the smell of eggs and bacon but rather, being surrounded by the most extraordinary views of nature and wild life. We spent an entire day floating down the parks' beautiful river enjoying the scenery and each others conversations. It was amazing to feel that close to each other and to the earth God created.
While my ideal vacation would be just a hike away from a cabin or a grain of sand away from a beach, just about any vacation can be ideal while spent with those you love. That is why I will never forget my two favorite vacations and why I will continue to travel to those locations and enjoy my vacation time.