Avleclai
Apr 9, 2015
Research Papers / The Adverse Effects of Changing Parental Roles in Western Society [2]
The essay, overall, was very good. You hit all your points and explained them using both your own opinion and facts to back up your stance. The only thing I might suggest about the body is to split some of your paragraphs up. Writing a lot is very good, but if someone is faced with a wall of text and no break in sight, it can become a little daunting. One more piece of advice is to stay consistent in your writing. There are portions where you say "same sex" and then "same-sex". Choose one or the other and it will help with the flow as well.
There were some grammar issues, but nothing that can't be fixed quickly. I will highlight the ones I found below, putting your work in bold and my suggestions in italics:
That is an elusive reality too many people in this modern era.
'To' instead of 'too' here.
As a result of these non-traditional family units there has been considerable negative impacts on the children that are the product of these unions and their living conditions.
Comma after 'units'. 'Have been' instead of 'has been'. This sentence may need to be restructured slightly for flow. For example, write "...product of these unions as well as their living conditions", or "...the resulting children of these unions as well as their living conditions."
Depending on their schedules, parent may have to work long hours for their jobs to support care costs and possibly spend less quality time with their children.
'Parents' instead of 'parent'
This may cause the children not to develop a close relationship, like they might have in a traditional family, with their parents so that important physical and emotional needs are met.
If you take out "like they might have in a traditional family", the sentence will flow better.
The phenomenon of this situation is becoming more common due to societies diminished moral values.
Apostrophe after "societies".
The current increase in stay-at-home fathers are due to changing economic conditions where men may not be earning enough to even pay for childcare so they elect to stay-at-home like the traditional family wife.
Comma after "childcare".
Another finding in the White House Report...
Needs an additional "states that" or "says that" after "Report".
Same sex families are still unusual because most people have not accepted or embraced it this new type union.
Take out the "it".
The parent's are not aware if their children are being treated appropriately...
Take out the apostrophe.
While some couples no longer desire or view it is necessary to have children anymore.
This is a fragment. You can take our "While" to make it a complete sentence or change it some other way.
So there is reason for some families to be concerned about the changes...
Take out the "So" to make this a complete sentence.
...where all this dysfunctional family concepts fail to produce few positive individuals.
"These" instead of "this.
The essay, overall, was very good. You hit all your points and explained them using both your own opinion and facts to back up your stance. The only thing I might suggest about the body is to split some of your paragraphs up. Writing a lot is very good, but if someone is faced with a wall of text and no break in sight, it can become a little daunting. One more piece of advice is to stay consistent in your writing. There are portions where you say "same sex" and then "same-sex". Choose one or the other and it will help with the flow as well.
There were some grammar issues, but nothing that can't be fixed quickly. I will highlight the ones I found below, putting your work in bold and my suggestions in italics:
That is an elusive reality too many people in this modern era.
'To' instead of 'too' here.
As a result of these non-traditional family units there has been considerable negative impacts on the children that are the product of these unions and their living conditions.
Comma after 'units'. 'Have been' instead of 'has been'. This sentence may need to be restructured slightly for flow. For example, write "...product of these unions as well as their living conditions", or "...the resulting children of these unions as well as their living conditions."
Depending on their schedules, parent may have to work long hours for their jobs to support care costs and possibly spend less quality time with their children.
'Parents' instead of 'parent'
This may cause the children not to develop a close relationship, like they might have in a traditional family, with their parents so that important physical and emotional needs are met.
If you take out "like they might have in a traditional family", the sentence will flow better.
The phenomenon of this situation is becoming more common due to societies diminished moral values.
Apostrophe after "societies".
The current increase in stay-at-home fathers are due to changing economic conditions where men may not be earning enough to even pay for childcare so they elect to stay-at-home like the traditional family wife.
Comma after "childcare".
Another finding in the White House Report...
Needs an additional "states that" or "says that" after "Report".
Same sex families are still unusual because most people have not accepted or embraced it this new type union.
Take out the "it".
The parent's are not aware if their children are being treated appropriately...
Take out the apostrophe.
While some couples no longer desire or view it is necessary to have children anymore.
This is a fragment. You can take our "While" to make it a complete sentence or change it some other way.
So there is reason for some families to be concerned about the changes...
Take out the "So" to make this a complete sentence.
...where all this dysfunctional family concepts fail to produce few positive individuals.
"These" instead of "this.
