chiefbitch
Aug 30, 2015
Undergraduate / Freshman prompt on how my world has formed me - UC application essay. [2]
The prompt is to describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations. Please proofread my essay for content. I am not too worried about things like punctuation, but more the flow and quality of the essay. Thank you!
The society I live in casts a shadow on my everyday actions, it is one that bounds me into a bubble of standards and expectations alongside my high achieving peers. This infamous bubble has been nurtured by the presumptions of my seemingly affluent community, and has cultivated over the years into the exasperating pressure for me to be the top achiever. My community casts a diverse population of individuals with one overlying similarity; we all encounter the pressures of expectations. In the world we live in competition is universal, just as entrepreneurs may strive to create the next best product, students like me encounter rivalry in the classroom. The never ending race to be superior traces its origins to the unrealistic expectations pre-established by our friends and family. The large masses of business men and women that populate the quaint residences of my town institute an unspoken merit we must achieve by. Living up to these expectations that precede us can often be a burdensome chore cultivated from the social demeanor of our surroundings.
It is a conventional urge for parents to want to build a "mini-me" out of their children in an attempt to relive their adolescent years, consequently dominating every step. My parents have always had the best of intentions while raising me, instilling a fundamental attitude of passion and devotion. Accompanying those characteristics came the persistent pressure to ultimately pursue an education in medicine. Not knowing any better, I naively agreed. As a reserved child it seemed easier to comply than fight for a major I had yet to decide on. Every time the topic would surface I could hear a voice in the back of my head screaming in disagreement, I was never courageous enough to address it. By the time senior year came around I had obtained an interest in sociology and a newfound confidence in my ambitions. As I write to you today I am no longer the same introverted coward, I am a self-assured woman ready to take control of my dreams and embrace the future with open arms. I have learned to fight for what I want and place my happiness above the criticisms of others. My community has taught me to be myself, and with that I have escaped the bubble.
The prompt is to describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations. Please proofread my essay for content. I am not too worried about things like punctuation, but more the flow and quality of the essay. Thank you!
The society I live in casts a shadow on my everyday actions, it is one that bounds me into a bubble of standards and expectations alongside my high achieving peers. This infamous bubble has been nurtured by the presumptions of my seemingly affluent community, and has cultivated over the years into the exasperating pressure for me to be the top achiever. My community casts a diverse population of individuals with one overlying similarity; we all encounter the pressures of expectations. In the world we live in competition is universal, just as entrepreneurs may strive to create the next best product, students like me encounter rivalry in the classroom. The never ending race to be superior traces its origins to the unrealistic expectations pre-established by our friends and family. The large masses of business men and women that populate the quaint residences of my town institute an unspoken merit we must achieve by. Living up to these expectations that precede us can often be a burdensome chore cultivated from the social demeanor of our surroundings.
It is a conventional urge for parents to want to build a "mini-me" out of their children in an attempt to relive their adolescent years, consequently dominating every step. My parents have always had the best of intentions while raising me, instilling a fundamental attitude of passion and devotion. Accompanying those characteristics came the persistent pressure to ultimately pursue an education in medicine. Not knowing any better, I naively agreed. As a reserved child it seemed easier to comply than fight for a major I had yet to decide on. Every time the topic would surface I could hear a voice in the back of my head screaming in disagreement, I was never courageous enough to address it. By the time senior year came around I had obtained an interest in sociology and a newfound confidence in my ambitions. As I write to you today I am no longer the same introverted coward, I am a self-assured woman ready to take control of my dreams and embrace the future with open arms. I have learned to fight for what I want and place my happiness above the criticisms of others. My community has taught me to be myself, and with that I have escaped the bubble.
