jai127
Dec 22, 2015
Undergraduate / Common App Essay (PROMPT #1: Your Application would be incomplete without this X thing) [3]
PROMPT
Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
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I've turned this essay in for most schools, I just wanted to get some feedback for those last 2-3 schools I have left. I feel my ending has the biggest area for improvement. Any criticism would be MUCH appreciated. The current word count is at 646 words. Thanks in advance!
---
It was déjŕ vu; there were only two of us left standing, but I still had that sense of optimism.
Guess who was the last pick in the Nekkileru-Patel family pickup basketball game?
Yours truly.
My family thought that I would be a basketball wünderkind, given that I'm 5'11 and have a lanky figure.
How wrong they were...
Most families have their own rituals: Board game nights, Taco Tuesdays, football on weekends. In mine, pickup basketball games reigned supreme. Growing up, the only way to stand out from my other sixty cousins was through that game.
Truthfully, I was desperate to learn. Not because I liked basketball, but for that attention everyone desires. Yet, with such a large family and extraordinary relatives, it was hard to be recognized and distinguish myself. You see, our entire dynamic is centered around the notion of athleticism and basketball. Everyone always played; it would be tantamount to treason if I didn't. I had to play, but I was tired of being the last one to get picked.
Well, everyone always says, "Practice makes perfect," right?
I got straight to work. Giant tomes like "Basketball for Dummies" piled up on my desk as I rushed to find the "secret" that would make me the family Michael Jordan. Hours went by as I kept on throwing that orange ball into the air in hopes of making it through the net. As the next family pickup game rapidly approached, I started to have this nagging feeling that maybe this really wasn't for me.
I shelved these notions in the back of my mind, and, during our next game, dribbled straight past my cousin blocking the net.
My hands gripped the ball, and I pushed up, just like I learnt from all of that practice.
The ball soared towards the open hoop.
and over the backboard.
I was crushed at first, and sat down wondering whether I should keep on playing. As I stared at the game around me, my mind began to wander and it eventually stumbled onto that "nagging feeling". I realized I had gotten so captivated by my desires for athletic success, that I changed who I was and what I liked. Kobe Bryant and ESPN replaced Harry Potter and Saturday morning cartoons. I decided basketball wasn't a skill I necessarily wanted to master. My family was playing a game I didn't want to play. Therefore, I closed the door on this tradition.
Throughout my life, I've been lucky enough to have parents that have opened an innumerable amount of doors of opportunity for me. Yet, the act of picking and choosing which to close always came naturally. For instance, I could have kept at basketball, and probably could've been pretty good with practice. That's not what I wanted though. Improving my basketball game meant I was just trying to live up to the mold that my family created for me.
Quitting basketball wasn't an easy pill for my family to swallow. I always was the first to the court and the last to leave. No one recognized that this "bonding" activity encouraged me to change myself to fit in. Through challenging my family's mindset, they began looking beyond my "tall" and "lanky" labels and finally understood that not everyone needs to be restricted to their specific expectations.
Basketball taught me to move through life and close certain doors in order to pursue those that I stringently believe in. The older I get, more doors of opportunity will open to me. Those doors that I've closed aren't necessarily things that reflect my personality and desires. I replaced basketball with debate; something I'm great at and love doing. Not following the herd is a difficult task, and all of those times I tripped diving for that orange ball truly made me realize I should be doing what I want, not for others.
PROMPT
Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
---
I've turned this essay in for most schools, I just wanted to get some feedback for those last 2-3 schools I have left. I feel my ending has the biggest area for improvement. Any criticism would be MUCH appreciated. The current word count is at 646 words. Thanks in advance!
---
It was déjŕ vu; there were only two of us left standing, but I still had that sense of optimism.
Guess who was the last pick in the Nekkileru-Patel family pickup basketball game?
Yours truly.
My family thought that I would be a basketball wünderkind, given that I'm 5'11 and have a lanky figure.
How wrong they were...
Most families have their own rituals: Board game nights, Taco Tuesdays, football on weekends. In mine, pickup basketball games reigned supreme. Growing up, the only way to stand out from my other sixty cousins was through that game.
Truthfully, I was desperate to learn. Not because I liked basketball, but for that attention everyone desires. Yet, with such a large family and extraordinary relatives, it was hard to be recognized and distinguish myself. You see, our entire dynamic is centered around the notion of athleticism and basketball. Everyone always played; it would be tantamount to treason if I didn't. I had to play, but I was tired of being the last one to get picked.
Well, everyone always says, "Practice makes perfect," right?
I got straight to work. Giant tomes like "Basketball for Dummies" piled up on my desk as I rushed to find the "secret" that would make me the family Michael Jordan. Hours went by as I kept on throwing that orange ball into the air in hopes of making it through the net. As the next family pickup game rapidly approached, I started to have this nagging feeling that maybe this really wasn't for me.
I shelved these notions in the back of my mind, and, during our next game, dribbled straight past my cousin blocking the net.
My hands gripped the ball, and I pushed up, just like I learnt from all of that practice.
The ball soared towards the open hoop.
and over the backboard.
I was crushed at first, and sat down wondering whether I should keep on playing. As I stared at the game around me, my mind began to wander and it eventually stumbled onto that "nagging feeling". I realized I had gotten so captivated by my desires for athletic success, that I changed who I was and what I liked. Kobe Bryant and ESPN replaced Harry Potter and Saturday morning cartoons. I decided basketball wasn't a skill I necessarily wanted to master. My family was playing a game I didn't want to play. Therefore, I closed the door on this tradition.
Throughout my life, I've been lucky enough to have parents that have opened an innumerable amount of doors of opportunity for me. Yet, the act of picking and choosing which to close always came naturally. For instance, I could have kept at basketball, and probably could've been pretty good with practice. That's not what I wanted though. Improving my basketball game meant I was just trying to live up to the mold that my family created for me.
Quitting basketball wasn't an easy pill for my family to swallow. I always was the first to the court and the last to leave. No one recognized that this "bonding" activity encouraged me to change myself to fit in. Through challenging my family's mindset, they began looking beyond my "tall" and "lanky" labels and finally understood that not everyone needs to be restricted to their specific expectations.
Basketball taught me to move through life and close certain doors in order to pursue those that I stringently believe in. The older I get, more doors of opportunity will open to me. Those doors that I've closed aren't necessarily things that reflect my personality and desires. I replaced basketball with debate; something I'm great at and love doing. Not following the herd is a difficult task, and all of those times I tripped diving for that orange ball truly made me realize I should be doing what I want, not for others.