chahn375
Aug 3, 2009
Undergraduate / At this summit of world leaders, tensions were high; avoid falling into cliches. [6]
Well im gonna post my essay below this. What i want to know is whether my essay can stand out from other essays like mine, since i heard there are similar essays about failed elections. i wanna know if mine is good enough to stand out, or whether i should do a different topic. Also, ANY other feedback (even grammar, vocab, whatever) is good. this is kinda one of my first essays, and its a rough draft (the first) so I dont know how good it is. Thank you VERY much in advance! Oh i forgot to mention, its the common app essay,
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
At this summit of world leaders, tensions were high. Taiwan had just recently been attacked, and action had to be taken. Finally, it was time for India's leader to give an opinion. He stood up, and as he spoke, he trembled visibly. Little chuckles arose from the other leaders as they tried to hold in their laughter.
This scene was from my 10th grade simulation. And the trembling leader? That was me. I had always had problems with public speaking. So as I sat in the middle of the gym, next to the podium that seemed so isolated even though it was surrounded by the other candidates, I couldn't help but be surprised. I wondered how in the world I had ended up in this position. As I got up from my seat and began to stand, the last month's campaign efforts flashed before my eyes. I saw everything from when I applied for Prefect, to when I competed with other candidates for space to hang up our ridiculous posters that had little else to do with running for Prefect besides the simple fact that they had our names on them. When I finally stood behind the podium and looked at the amalgam of students that was my school, I wished for just a bit of the confidence that had manifested itself inside me when I decided to run. I expected to have a breakdown up there. But nothing happened. I didn't collapse in a pool of my own tears (which I am proud to say has never happened, no matter how nervous I got) and my voice didnt tremble (though I wish I could say the same about my legs, which were fortunately covered by the podium). I felt strangely comfortable up there, and I seemed to convey that. My audience laughed at all the right parts in my speech, and clapped just a bit more than politeness requires. And when I finished, I felt that I had accomplished a great thing.
That's why I didn't really feel too bad that I didn't win. For one of the first times in my life, I had stepped out of my boundaries. It amazed me that I had the confidence within me. This newfound confidence helped me be a little more outgoing. And it even led me to run for class senator, which I won. My failed attempt at running for Prefect had opened new doors for me, and awoke courage that I didnt think I had.
Well im gonna post my essay below this. What i want to know is whether my essay can stand out from other essays like mine, since i heard there are similar essays about failed elections. i wanna know if mine is good enough to stand out, or whether i should do a different topic. Also, ANY other feedback (even grammar, vocab, whatever) is good. this is kinda one of my first essays, and its a rough draft (the first) so I dont know how good it is. Thank you VERY much in advance! Oh i forgot to mention, its the common app essay,
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
At this summit of world leaders, tensions were high. Taiwan had just recently been attacked, and action had to be taken. Finally, it was time for India's leader to give an opinion. He stood up, and as he spoke, he trembled visibly. Little chuckles arose from the other leaders as they tried to hold in their laughter.
This scene was from my 10th grade simulation. And the trembling leader? That was me. I had always had problems with public speaking. So as I sat in the middle of the gym, next to the podium that seemed so isolated even though it was surrounded by the other candidates, I couldn't help but be surprised. I wondered how in the world I had ended up in this position. As I got up from my seat and began to stand, the last month's campaign efforts flashed before my eyes. I saw everything from when I applied for Prefect, to when I competed with other candidates for space to hang up our ridiculous posters that had little else to do with running for Prefect besides the simple fact that they had our names on them. When I finally stood behind the podium and looked at the amalgam of students that was my school, I wished for just a bit of the confidence that had manifested itself inside me when I decided to run. I expected to have a breakdown up there. But nothing happened. I didn't collapse in a pool of my own tears (which I am proud to say has never happened, no matter how nervous I got) and my voice didnt tremble (though I wish I could say the same about my legs, which were fortunately covered by the podium). I felt strangely comfortable up there, and I seemed to convey that. My audience laughed at all the right parts in my speech, and clapped just a bit more than politeness requires. And when I finished, I felt that I had accomplished a great thing.
That's why I didn't really feel too bad that I didn't win. For one of the first times in my life, I had stepped out of my boundaries. It amazed me that I had the confidence within me. This newfound confidence helped me be a little more outgoing. And it even led me to run for class senator, which I won. My failed attempt at running for Prefect had opened new doors for me, and awoke courage that I didnt think I had.