Shpun
Oct 10, 2016
Undergraduate / "We're going to downtown San Diego!" Student's background and identity that show they're personality [3]
With the stubbornness of a cow and the excitement of a puppy my father exclaimed, " We're going to downtown San Diego!", as he untied the ropes that kept his sailboat docked. I couldn't help but give into his excited feelings and soon found myself leaving the marina he lived in and entering the bay. "Take that rope and tighten it! Now take this rope and keep your grip of it.". I listened and followed his orders without hesitation, simultaneously translating my father's rigid Spanish accent. Taming the sailboat proved no easy task as the waters and winds fought back, but that made it all the more attractive of a challenge. Looking to my father I could see in his eyes he thought the same as I.
My father acted on whim seeing as the wind was not in our favor. Pushing hard and against us the wind kept taunting us like an invisible wall. We again looked at each,this time our puzzled faces instead reading "What do I do!". Now, as a senior in high-school with my entire future ahead of me and everything to lose, I'm asking myself that same question "what do I do?".
"I just don't understand why the water bill is $240!" . "Mom, It's more than just a bill, it's a testimony to your lack of dedication to us and yourself". For me to see that bill was to see my mother failing us. Frustrated, angry, in disbelief my hands trembling, my mind racing, my face building with rage "Why can you not put in the work for this family, do you care about us? Do you love us? Because if you did you would show us." She shoots back "I'm a single mother, I'm 50 years old, I'm not perfect, you don't appreciate me, John!". Her eyes like a tiger with an injury, cornered and afraid - to help her was to get bit; but when I looked to her I saw myself.
I was attacking her because I was afraid, because life was fighting back against me. The world, life, all of it owe me nothing - I was put on this Earth to fight for myself. My dreams, my future , and my success are not anyone's but mine. Life doesn't care if I want to be an engineer or if I want to go to college. Life gives me and every other person on this Earth 24 hours a day and it's up to me to use them. To me there is always the intensity of my own ability, my own worth, my own hard work. I'm obsessed with my success and just because life has shoved me into near despair, just because life has complicated my path to success, just because I struggle, I will not give up. My success will never fall on my family, it is my own responsibility and no matter how bad my life gets, I will never let it be my excuse - no matter how bad it is, I am going to make it. No matter how badly it hurts, I'm going to look past my pride to help my mother and keep myself pushing forward despite these forces against me.
Just like when I looked at my father that during that windy day on the rocky water of the Bay. Just like then when he told me we we're going to see the bridge and sail downtown no matter the wind. He didn't just give up, he challenged himself, his inner sailor to overcome the wind. Because in his mind he had a goal and he wasn't gonna let the wind or any situation just change that. Downtown San Diego had never felt more beautiful than it did sitting with my father.
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Looking to revise this, not sure how to approach it. I am open to any advice. About me, I am very driven . I am a Native American/Spanish boy who lives with his single mom and three brothers in a one bedroom home. Life is tough, but I am tougher are my thoughts. Thank you.
With the stubbornness of a cow and the excitement of a puppy my father exclaimed, " We're going to downtown San Diego!", as he untied the ropes that kept his sailboat docked. I couldn't help but give into his excited feelings and soon found myself leaving the marina he lived in and entering the bay. "Take that rope and tighten it! Now take this rope and keep your grip of it.". I listened and followed his orders without hesitation, simultaneously translating my father's rigid Spanish accent. Taming the sailboat proved no easy task as the waters and winds fought back, but that made it all the more attractive of a challenge. Looking to my father I could see in his eyes he thought the same as I.
My father acted on whim seeing as the wind was not in our favor. Pushing hard and against us the wind kept taunting us like an invisible wall. We again looked at each,this time our puzzled faces instead reading "What do I do!". Now, as a senior in high-school with my entire future ahead of me and everything to lose, I'm asking myself that same question "what do I do?".
"I just don't understand why the water bill is $240!" . "Mom, It's more than just a bill, it's a testimony to your lack of dedication to us and yourself". For me to see that bill was to see my mother failing us. Frustrated, angry, in disbelief my hands trembling, my mind racing, my face building with rage "Why can you not put in the work for this family, do you care about us? Do you love us? Because if you did you would show us." She shoots back "I'm a single mother, I'm 50 years old, I'm not perfect, you don't appreciate me, John!". Her eyes like a tiger with an injury, cornered and afraid - to help her was to get bit; but when I looked to her I saw myself.
I was attacking her because I was afraid, because life was fighting back against me. The world, life, all of it owe me nothing - I was put on this Earth to fight for myself. My dreams, my future , and my success are not anyone's but mine. Life doesn't care if I want to be an engineer or if I want to go to college. Life gives me and every other person on this Earth 24 hours a day and it's up to me to use them. To me there is always the intensity of my own ability, my own worth, my own hard work. I'm obsessed with my success and just because life has shoved me into near despair, just because life has complicated my path to success, just because I struggle, I will not give up. My success will never fall on my family, it is my own responsibility and no matter how bad my life gets, I will never let it be my excuse - no matter how bad it is, I am going to make it. No matter how badly it hurts, I'm going to look past my pride to help my mother and keep myself pushing forward despite these forces against me.
Just like when I looked at my father that during that windy day on the rocky water of the Bay. Just like then when he told me we we're going to see the bridge and sail downtown no matter the wind. He didn't just give up, he challenged himself, his inner sailor to overcome the wind. Because in his mind he had a goal and he wasn't gonna let the wind or any situation just change that. Downtown San Diego had never felt more beautiful than it did sitting with my father.
----------------------
Looking to revise this, not sure how to approach it. I am open to any advice. About me, I am very driven . I am a Native American/Spanish boy who lives with his single mom and three brothers in a one bedroom home. Life is tough, but I am tougher are my thoughts. Thank you.
