WriterWriter1
Oct 22, 2016
Undergraduate / Free for all isn't too free... [3]
Hi, guys! I need to write this Coalition Essay for a college... The prompt I chose is one on a topic of my choice, a free for all: the most important person to me and why I hold them to that position. After writing a well-written essay in a writing doc, I go to paste it and notice that apparently the character limit is 2,500... I wrote about 5,000+. I narrowed it down, much to my dismay, to 3,923. Could you please give me some help on what to take out or shorten to make it 2,500? Also, if you find any grammar/anything errors, feel free to let me know! I welcome the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Thanks!
Here it is: It's hard to form meaningful, long-lasting friendships as a pre-teen, considering the only thing that's constant during those times is change, but I've done it in the most unlikely way: via a video game. When someone with the username "Rubberducky" logged onto one of my favorite video games at the time, I didn't think that this person would become my best friend, let alone someone that would impact my life and who I am as a person. Despite being more than 1,000 miles away from one another, "Rubberducky", who's real name is Shaya, and I have helped one another through our toughest times, while also impacting each other enough to become our better selves. By being the only friend I've practically grown up with, I've absorbed her good qualities and she has helped me form some of my own, making her one of the most important people in my life.
When we met, we were both about eleven years old, but facing different issues. Shaya, for instance, had a speech impediment, and as we video chatted one another, she would confide in me about some bullying and difficulties she had faced that day due to it. In doing so, I would talk to her about it and try and make her feel better, all while learning how to become a listener and help others regarding these difficulties. Most importantly, though, I had formed a desire to help others and wanted to apply what I learned. When she thanked me a couple years later for always being there for her in that sense, I realized I wanted to be there for others like I did with her, causing me to take part in anti-bullying activities and counseling services, like the websites called "BlahTherapy" and "Buddy Project". By sitting down with her a few times a week and talking, her life stories and difficulties inspired me and formed me into the compassionate, understanding, and people-oriented person that I am today.
Moreover, around that same time, my parents were going through a difficult divorce in which I was very much involved in. Due to it, I started drowning in discouragement, but Shaya was always there, lending me a hand to pull me out. By her providing me support and not letting me give up, I've formed resiliency and persistence. One occasion, for instance, is when I was struggling in some of my school courses due to trying to help my non-native mother with her divorce, having difficulty balancing the two. Instead of letting me give up my schoolwork and mainly focus on my mother, Shaya would remind me of the importance of learning and encourage me. As this went on for a couple of weeks, I soon found myself adapting and forming this determination and drive, officially burying the indisposition I've once had, not letting it drown me.
Now, I'm happy to say that I'm ambitious and enterprising, always taking on challenges, overcoming difficulties, completing my goals, and setting new heights. So much so that recently, I've gotten a car and paid everything by myself by getting jobs at just sixteen years old, along with sometimes joining my mom at her job as a house cleaner. Academically wise, I've switched to online schooling a couple of years back in search of a more rigorous, challenging education. Even then, I've always aimed to surpass a GPA of 3.5, and do so every year. I also don't aim to just complete the minimum requirement of 40 community service hours. Instead, I'd like to employ my love for helping others and ambition by aiming for more than one hundred hours.
All in all, in this day and age, technology is used to connect people and form relationships, like in my case. However, Shaya and I's friendship goes a bit beyond that due to influencing one another so greatly. With her help, I've formed and adapted useful characteristics and skills, like grit, while also igniting my, now, burning passion to help others. Overall, her impact and influence on me causes her to easily be one of the most important people in my life.
Hi, guys! I need to write this Coalition Essay for a college... The prompt I chose is one on a topic of my choice, a free for all: the most important person to me and why I hold them to that position. After writing a well-written essay in a writing doc, I go to paste it and notice that apparently the character limit is 2,500... I wrote about 5,000+. I narrowed it down, much to my dismay, to 3,923. Could you please give me some help on what to take out or shorten to make it 2,500? Also, if you find any grammar/anything errors, feel free to let me know! I welcome the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Thanks!
Here it is: It's hard to form meaningful, long-lasting friendships as a pre-teen, considering the only thing that's constant during those times is change, but I've done it in the most unlikely way: via a video game. When someone with the username "Rubberducky" logged onto one of my favorite video games at the time, I didn't think that this person would become my best friend, let alone someone that would impact my life and who I am as a person. Despite being more than 1,000 miles away from one another, "Rubberducky", who's real name is Shaya, and I have helped one another through our toughest times, while also impacting each other enough to become our better selves. By being the only friend I've practically grown up with, I've absorbed her good qualities and she has helped me form some of my own, making her one of the most important people in my life.
When we met, we were both about eleven years old, but facing different issues. Shaya, for instance, had a speech impediment, and as we video chatted one another, she would confide in me about some bullying and difficulties she had faced that day due to it. In doing so, I would talk to her about it and try and make her feel better, all while learning how to become a listener and help others regarding these difficulties. Most importantly, though, I had formed a desire to help others and wanted to apply what I learned. When she thanked me a couple years later for always being there for her in that sense, I realized I wanted to be there for others like I did with her, causing me to take part in anti-bullying activities and counseling services, like the websites called "BlahTherapy" and "Buddy Project". By sitting down with her a few times a week and talking, her life stories and difficulties inspired me and formed me into the compassionate, understanding, and people-oriented person that I am today.
Moreover, around that same time, my parents were going through a difficult divorce in which I was very much involved in. Due to it, I started drowning in discouragement, but Shaya was always there, lending me a hand to pull me out. By her providing me support and not letting me give up, I've formed resiliency and persistence. One occasion, for instance, is when I was struggling in some of my school courses due to trying to help my non-native mother with her divorce, having difficulty balancing the two. Instead of letting me give up my schoolwork and mainly focus on my mother, Shaya would remind me of the importance of learning and encourage me. As this went on for a couple of weeks, I soon found myself adapting and forming this determination and drive, officially burying the indisposition I've once had, not letting it drown me.
Now, I'm happy to say that I'm ambitious and enterprising, always taking on challenges, overcoming difficulties, completing my goals, and setting new heights. So much so that recently, I've gotten a car and paid everything by myself by getting jobs at just sixteen years old, along with sometimes joining my mom at her job as a house cleaner. Academically wise, I've switched to online schooling a couple of years back in search of a more rigorous, challenging education. Even then, I've always aimed to surpass a GPA of 3.5, and do so every year. I also don't aim to just complete the minimum requirement of 40 community service hours. Instead, I'd like to employ my love for helping others and ambition by aiming for more than one hundred hours.
All in all, in this day and age, technology is used to connect people and form relationships, like in my case. However, Shaya and I's friendship goes a bit beyond that due to influencing one another so greatly. With her help, I've formed and adapted useful characteristics and skills, like grit, while also igniting my, now, burning passion to help others. Overall, her impact and influence on me causes her to easily be one of the most important people in my life.