gunner2k17
Dec 10, 2016
Undergraduate / My girlfriend. This girl changed me as a person. Penn State Personal Statement [7]
Merged:Penn States Essay--- Important people in my life
hey guys, I just rewrote my essay for Penn States and would really appreciate any feedbacks or recommendations!! I'm having trouble writing my conclusion and how to make this essay more cohesive... my essay is currently at 485 words so I have some room to expand on some ideas.Thank you in advance!! :-)
Prompt:
Please tell us something about yourself, your experiences, or activities that you believe would reflect positively on your ability to succeed at Penn State. This is your opportunity to tell us something about yourself that is not already reflected in your application or academic records. We suggest a limit of 500 words or fewer.
Confused and frustrated, I sat next to my friends and ask them what I should write for my college personal statement. "You should write about your achievements" my friend Shayan says. Across the table, my best friend Ibraheem suggests "Tell them about how failure shapes you as a person". I thought to myself "those hackneyed ideas are so generic". Then it all hits me. The answer is right in front of my eyes. The people who care about me shape and influence the person that I am now.
My girlfriend. This girl changed me as a person. She pushed me to become the best Hai that I can be. She taught me to always keep my chin up every day, even in the worst situations. She taught me to be resilient, to run head on against my issues. My parents advised me about how talking to her might be a distraction toward my education, but it's quite the opposite. She motivated me to become better, to always improve. This girl is incredibly gifted academically and I look up to her. Through my time being with her, not only my grades went up, my moral and emotional states improved significantly and my take on life positively changed as well.
My grandfather. He was and still is my hero. I respect him dearly. My grandfather was so sagacious and an expertise at any problems. He always had a solution to every issue and challenge life threw at him. With the knowledge he has accumulated during eighty years of his time, he taught me life. From moral issues to soccer, I cherish all the valuable advice and lessons he gave me. Most importantly, he taught me to always love and remember where I'm from. He wanted me to represent our country in this land of opportunities, and I promised him that I won't let him down.
My father. Although we have our ups and downs, his love for me is unassailable. I wasn't the perfect son, but he still loves me unconditionally. His determination and hard work inspire me. My father will refuse to quit until they success. He is the hardest worker I've known. the dream of me succeeding in college and eventually making a living in America incentivizes him to work relentlessly. His sedulous mentality helped him achieve many impressive academic milestones. Attended and graduated from the prestigious Georgetown Law Center, my father proves to me that nothing is impossible. The achievements that he attained only urge me to be as successful as he is or even surpass him.
These people are the inspirations that will encourage me to achieve whatever I desire. They have given me so much strengths and taught me many precious and valuable traits. Calling myself a Penn State student would quench my thirst of attending to a world-class university and will surely satisfy my father, my grandfather and my girlfriend.
Merged:Penn States Essay--- Important people in my life
hey guys, I just rewrote my essay for Penn States and would really appreciate any feedbacks or recommendations!! I'm having trouble writing my conclusion and how to make this essay more cohesive... my essay is currently at 485 words so I have some room to expand on some ideas.Thank you in advance!! :-)
Prompt:
Please tell us something about yourself, your experiences, or activities that you believe would reflect positively on your ability to succeed at Penn State. This is your opportunity to tell us something about yourself that is not already reflected in your application or academic records. We suggest a limit of 500 words or fewer.
Confused and frustrated, I sat next to my friends and ask them what I should write for my college personal statement. "You should write about your achievements" my friend Shayan says. Across the table, my best friend Ibraheem suggests "Tell them about how failure shapes you as a person". I thought to myself "those hackneyed ideas are so generic". Then it all hits me. The answer is right in front of my eyes. The people who care about me shape and influence the person that I am now.
My girlfriend. This girl changed me as a person. She pushed me to become the best Hai that I can be. She taught me to always keep my chin up every day, even in the worst situations. She taught me to be resilient, to run head on against my issues. My parents advised me about how talking to her might be a distraction toward my education, but it's quite the opposite. She motivated me to become better, to always improve. This girl is incredibly gifted academically and I look up to her. Through my time being with her, not only my grades went up, my moral and emotional states improved significantly and my take on life positively changed as well.
My grandfather. He was and still is my hero. I respect him dearly. My grandfather was so sagacious and an expertise at any problems. He always had a solution to every issue and challenge life threw at him. With the knowledge he has accumulated during eighty years of his time, he taught me life. From moral issues to soccer, I cherish all the valuable advice and lessons he gave me. Most importantly, he taught me to always love and remember where I'm from. He wanted me to represent our country in this land of opportunities, and I promised him that I won't let him down.
My father. Although we have our ups and downs, his love for me is unassailable. I wasn't the perfect son, but he still loves me unconditionally. His determination and hard work inspire me. My father will refuse to quit until they success. He is the hardest worker I've known. the dream of me succeeding in college and eventually making a living in America incentivizes him to work relentlessly. His sedulous mentality helped him achieve many impressive academic milestones. Attended and graduated from the prestigious Georgetown Law Center, my father proves to me that nothing is impossible. The achievements that he attained only urge me to be as successful as he is or even surpass him.
These people are the inspirations that will encourage me to achieve whatever I desire. They have given me so much strengths and taught me many precious and valuable traits. Calling myself a Penn State student would quench my thirst of attending to a world-class university and will surely satisfy my father, my grandfather and my girlfriend.
