Undergraduate / The value of patience and the lesson to be learned with my every loss [10]

CommonApp Essay help Some students have a background, identity, interest or talent --

i wrote this essay and it honestly reflects my background. One of my family friend's said " That the essay should have a story and that too on a single aspect". What do i do ? Should i change the essay?

I credit my friends for influencing me and egging me on to raise the bar in all my endeavors. With my skill to prioritize and pursue multiple things at the same time, they fuelled my desire to learn and grow in different directions and to constantly broaden my perspective. My friends inspired me to raise my grades in math, join the school athletics team, explore computer science, and hone the creative side in me.

My interest in computer science went up several notches after I joined a computer training institute near my house when I was in tenth grade. My classmates there were mostly grade 12 and college students. In a few months, I was solving 12th grade computer science questions that my institute classmates would discuss in class. In my own time, I read up grade 11 and 12 computer science text books. More than the formal curriculum, just being with classmates much senior to me raised my interest and made computer science my biggest fascination.

There have been times when friends have inspired me to raise my level. I had tried hard to overcome my math phobia till grade 10. My mother who is a math teacher could only get me up to a level where I couldn't score better than a B grade. I lacked the trust in my abilities to score higher according to her. I discovered that trust in my first math test after moving into the 10th grade when a friend who never scored better than a C got an A. His success inspired me to spend long hours studying. In the summer holidays, I dug deep into every concept. The results showed up instantly. I scored an A+ in the next test. From then, I consistently scored top grades, the best in my class.

At times friends have pulled me in directions that I did not even know I wanted to go. Friends I hung around with all joined the athletics team. When we played and did things together, I did as good as them, whether it was running or jumping long or high. But when they made the athletics team and I didn't, and they would go to train regularly and I didn't, the desire to make the team kept brimming within me. The year long wait to make the next team trials was a long one, but I waited for it patiently, training on my own, getting better each day. When the day arrived, a year later, I made the team and was appointed vice captain of the school athletics team. I know today that I would not have been the athlete I have become had it not been for my friends.

I have also seen that to raise my abilities in an area that I want to develop, I need to surround myself with people better than me. When the Computer Club sought out students with creative abilities for developing interfaces of computer applications, I lost out to two other students who did better in a test meant to measure our skills. I hung around with these two, to learn from them, and discuss ways to upgrade my abilities in designing and editing videos. I watched videos on YouTube, learned from tutorials, and read blogs to unravel secrets. I learned to make characters disappear or fly, build desired weather conditions and make buildings fall. I made several short movies replicating effects from movies such as Harry Potter and Star Wars. Soon I was made the head designer of the Computer Club, a role I took seriously to win several inter-school competitions.

Now when I want to pursue an education in computer science, I seek to join a reputed program that can expose me to a talented group of peers, very different from me, from who I can learn in new ways, and grow in different directions.