Writing Feedback / An education can be defined a million different ways [4]

I'm a senior in high school and I have to write an essay about education and the education system. I am having the hardest time writing it for some reason.

I would like some feedback on what i've written so far. I would really appreciate it.

"I believe that our own experience instructs us that the secret of Education lies in respecting the pupil. It is not for you to choose what he shall know, what he shall do. It is chosen and foreordained, and he only holds the key to his own secret. By your tampering and thwarting and too much governing he may be hindered from his end and kept out of his own. Respect the child. Wait and see the new product of Nature. Nature loves analogies, but not repetitions. Respect the child. Be not too much his parent. Trespass not on his solitude." (Emerson 103)

An education can be defined a million different ways. To a little kid first starting school, education may simply be a word too big to spell or a world yet to be explored. To an adult, an education may very well be the defining point of a successful future. However, with those countless definitions come the opinions on how an education should be achieved. Today in schools, an education is supposedly achieved through the hard work and dedication of gifted teachers, instilling in many reluctant children the things they will need in the future. But how far is too far? Is it alright for a teacher to tell a student what he or she should know? Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "it is not for [the teacher] to choose what [the student] should know, what he shall do. It is chosen and foreordained, and he only holds the key..." It seems this generation has not heeded Emerson's warnings of a world in which teachers produce cloned pupils, who are full of worthless information and ill-prepared for their futures. The ultimate definition of a true education is to provide the means that let the pupil explore what he or she deems important for a successful future. It is the pupil who holds the key, and ultimately it should be the pupil who opens his own door of Education. It is in no way right to let the teacher advise the student as to what he should learn or how he should achieve his education. In a world where anything is possible, it seems a true education is hard to find. Instead of forcing millions of diverse students to pour themselves over the same tedious assignments or make them endure identical lectures on why each teacher's subject is the most important, the education system should take each individual student's interests and goals to heartïteaching what truly matters to the pupil, not cookie- cutter goals for everyone to accomplish. No person wants to sit in a prison cell filled with ten to fifteen years of worthless information they will soon forget. They only want to know the fundamentals that can help them achieve their fullest potential. That is a true education and what more schools should strive to achieve.

For years, students sit before a large chalkboard, appearing to pay attention while words or numbers are thrown onto the board in smudged, sloppy handwriting. Over and over reluctant cries can be heard in every classroom, "When will I ever need this?" or "How will that help me in life?" The truth is if the student isn't willing to learn the topic, they will never use it in life.

Writing Feedback / Observation Activity In Jane Eyre [2]

In Jane Eyre, Jane describes everything in so much detail. My task was to write a paper observing something with as much detail as Jane would have. How does this sound? How to improve?

Swaying gently in the chilly January breeze, with as much grace as a dancer, I marveled over how something so tall could create such light, elegant loveliness. Years of wear were clearly marked by every crevice, every wrinkle. Sitting silently on the steps behind my house, I watched each fabricated movement, created with chaotic precision. As the midday light shown down upon this stunning work of art-gnarled from age but stronger than ever-hints of light created a kaleidoscope of shimmering color across the whole body. After a hushed moment passed by, a small hummingbird glided past this wonderful figure with many tiny flaps of wings, which were artistically designed to freely carry this bird to the depths of infinity. The bird did nothing to effect the figure, however. With limbs outstretched, this slim beauty looked as if it might embrace the small winged one.

Even as it was dying-leaves hanging on for dear life-the old tree comforted me as if it were my protector from wickedness. The sun was now setting in the distance and well-choreographed arrangements of shadows played tricks with my eyes. The tree presently reminded me of something from Wizard of Oz or Snow White. Looming, alive, poised and ready to grab me. The approaching darkness gave this beautiful tree a look of mystery and a domineering existence. Intrigued, I stepped closer to the tree. Upon approaching my observed woody perennial, the aroma of wet earth entered my nose. It was an enjoyable but awkward smell that pleased me overall. Looking up from under the tree branches, a tangle of confusion awaited me. To my delight, a tiny, adorable squirrel happened to be scurrying up the bumpy trunk-no doubt going home to his family with food. Sneaking into a hole just above my head, I heard the pit-a-pat of his little feet. Gliding my eyes upward once again, along muddy roots; dead, damp leaves; and cracked bark; I spotted a small, roughly crafted nest. It amazed me to see how such a frail thing could trust the overpowering size of the tree before me. Then again, don't we all find comfort in a big pair of arms, embracing our smaller, inferior being? How strange that something so intense could give a sense of safety to a bird or even me when all appearance could suggest a sinister atmosphere.

Stepping away, the sun finally gone to sleep, and taking in the tree as a whole, I felt emotions that have never before taken me over. Observing this tree made me realize how small I was compared to the world. This creation of nature gave me an appreciation for simplicity and delicate power. By the light of the moon, I walked the path back to my porch, up the stairs, and back inside. Inklings of thoughts that I had witnessed an understated miracle still swarming my imagination.

Book Reports / EMMA & HARRIET SMITH; AP LITERATURE- Essay on characterization [2]

Essay I had to write for AP Lit. How is it and how could I make it better?
Thanks!

In the passage, Harriet Smith's physical features are expressed in detail and minute facets of Emma's appearance are stated. With careful reading however, Emma's character is described far more than Harriet's. Through characterization we get a good feel for both girls, but in two totally different ways. Emma is characterized through her own personal thoughts and opinions, which lead to a better overall understanding of who she is as a person. With Harriet, we are only introduced with her appearance, getting no insight into her personality. The language and condemning tone toward Emma clearly show her personality while with Harriet we only get to visualize her outer self.

In the very first paragraph, the narrator says, "Emma knew her very well by sight, and had long felt an interest in, on account of her [Harriet's] beauty." Right away, Emma is portrayed as a girl who struggles to see beyond vanity. She only knows Harriet through her physical appearanceïher interest is solely superficial. Emma is intrigued by beautiful people and has long had a fascination in them. This shallow behavior is illustrated throughout the entirety of the passage; allowing for an intense look inside Emma's mind.

In a following paragraph, Harriet is described as being a sweet-looking girl, with fair, regular features, and a kind of beauty Emma admired. Though this paragraph is mostly devoted to Harriet's splendor, still Emma's personality shines through. As readers, we should easily pick up on how the author portrays Emma as this trivial human being with no interests except beauty and self-importance. The author's greatly disapproving tone adds emphasis to Emma, resulting in a complex understanding of her ideals. The author never really has a clear tone toward Harriet, which in fact, belittles her significance in the story.

In the last paragraph, the narrator states, "She was never struck by anything remarkably clever in Miss Smith's conversation, but she found her altogether very engaging..." This quote once again reinforces Emma's morals; she judges too much on appearance and not enough on areas that actually matter. Superficiality reigns in Emma's little world and even when she doesn't realize what she is thinking is wrong, she screams shallowness. Later it goes on to say that Emma wanted to save Harriet from her friends and make something out of her. This at first seems like a perfectly kind gesture. But with a deeper understanding of Emma, we see that she only wants to do this to help herself. The thought of doing a "good deed" pleases Emma, yet her actions are most definitely not "good" in any way.

To "never judge a book by its cover" is still one of the most widely disregarded rules of life, which through lack of abiding has plagued the world from the beginning of time. That's a major theme the author was trying to teach the reader and by characterizing the two girls, we could easily learn this lesson. Although Harriet is illustrated thoroughly through appearance and I have no idea of what Emma looks like, I get a better sense of what truly matters the most in Emmaïher personality. She is a shallow, often vain girl who judges people too quickly, which exposes a fake, hard individual.

Essays / AP Literature; THESIS STATEMENT & Introduction [4]

I had to write an essay to get into AP Literature last year Now I have to correct it this year
.
THe topic was who was characterized more in a passage. Her is what I have written. HOw should I correct it if it even needs correcting.

Thanks

In the passage, Harriet Smith's physical features are expressed in detail and minute facets of Emma's appearance are stated. With careful reading however, Emma's character is described far more than Harriet's. Through characterization we get a good feel for both girls, but in two totally different ways. Emma is characterized through her own personal thoughts and opinions, which lead to a better overall understanding of who she is as a person. With Harriet, we are only introduced with her appearance, getting no insight into her personality. The language and condemning tone toward Emma clearly show her personality while with Harriet we only get to visualize her outer self

Book Reports / The Great Gatsby-- Essay on occasions and events in the novel [3]

I had to write an essay on The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald. I had to describe how the occasions and events in the novel portrayed the society and how it related to the novel as a whole.

This is pretty much a rough draft and I would like all the feedback I can get on it.
Thanks so much! Oh and just to let you know I am a high school junior so don't go too hard on me.
=D

In The Great Gatsby when Nick first goes to one of Jay Gatsby's parties, the greedy, selfish acts of the couples and guests, depicts how money-hungry and popularity-driven the society of the early 1920's was. No member of the parties ever thanked Gatsby and only came for the alcohol, food, and entertainment. Not one guest sincerely cared for the trouble Gatsby went through to hold these wonderful social gatherings.

Picture this-a beautiful house, music booming, people mingling around drinks and small talk. Sounds wonderful, right? Now picture the same scene, but all the guests leave without so much as a "thank you" or even a little "goodbye." It doesn't sound so enticing does it? Well for the 1920s it wasn't an uncommon occurrence in the slightest. And as shown in this novel by Fitzgerald, it really didn't pose much of a problem for anyone. The only person who ever gave the situation much thought was Nick Carraway, the story's narrator. He came from a well-to-do family and had many morals. The thought of egotistical people disgusted him. On one occasion, his first invitation to Gatsby's party, he got a close look at the greedy guests and described it very vividly. He said, "I was one of the few guests who had actually been invited. People were not invited - they went there... Sometimes they came and went without having met Gatsby at all..." Why didn't Gatsby ever tell the guests to leave and not come back? The reason is a rather simple one, that isn't too surprising. It was all to impress one woman-Daisy Buchanan: a woman known for beauty but rarely for her wisdom. These acts, by the guests and Gatsby himself, all formulate a wide look in the lives of this time period. Fitzgerald paints the picture for us to see quite intensely.

Self-indulgence is often abused and even more often it can become a nuisance. That is on of the many themes being delivered in The Great Gatsby. And we can see this many times. At the party Nick attends, all the attendants walk around as if they own the place, and don't even try to find the host. To them, it is a chance to have fun for free and show off how "upper-class" they are. But in all actuality it is extremely pathetic. We can tell that Fitzgerald's tone was very disapproving of the character these people had, which is brought forth in his negative descriptions at Gatsby's parties. At one point during the night, Nick wanders around aimlessly in marvel and curiosity. He stumbles across many couples arguing over leaving the party. Some want to stay because they could care less if Gatsby wanted them gone or not, but their companions felt it was time to make an exit. Such childish squabbles that occurred. This again, characterized the guests to portray real-life, insatiable people that many can relate to.

Another event in The Great Gatsby was Gatsby's funeral. It correlates directly with Gatsby's huge celebrations, really revealing how heartless the society truly was. At his funeral, not only did no one show up, no one wanted to. All those guests who'd used him in the past had looked the other way when Gatsby needed friends the most. Fitzgerald really knows how to bring the story to life through his words. A good sense of the characters can easily be imagined; heads held high, chins jutting out, poised, elegant steps, and graceful, almost condescending speech.

The Great Gatsby-how does it depict society? Clearly, society is seen as popularity-driven and unfeeling for the 1920's. This was the "Jazz Age", the "Roaring 20s;" only one thing was on everyone's mind: money. F. Scott Fitzgerald uses the parties and other big occasions to let the reader understand his point of view and to engage thought. By doing so, he was able to create a work of art that flows beautifully throughout and sounds complete in its entirety. In my honest opinion, not many novels have come so close as to describe society so well as Fitzgerald did.